Blanca Like Snow

Chapter 38 - Regret

Beep. Beep. Beep.

It's a constant sound around me, like a leak, drop after drop, echoing. The darkness still wraps around me and makes me dumb, I can't feel anything and all I hear is that sound. Oddly, I can breathe again and instead of water and wet soil, I smell disinfectants.

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete, ocho, nueve, diez...

I count the beeps in my head, in Spanish. Then in English. Then in Korean. Then I even try in Mandarin. I've count until treintaiocho when I start to feel my hands, my fingers itching, my arms, and then the rest of my body.

It's so heavy and it feels foreign, but it's my body, it aches all over There's pain, so much pain and I don't want this. I want the blissful darkness where I was suspended into the nothingness. I want to go back, when it didn't hurt, when it was nothing.

A groan escapes my mouth, it carries all the pain and reluctance I feel.

"Blanca? Blanca?" someone calls my name, frantic, scared but also incredibly relieved. "Blanca, it's okay. You're okay," the voice reassures me and I don't want to open my eyes, I don't want to give up on this little bit of darkness that I still have. "Blanca, please."

Finally, I recognise the voice and even the hand that is holding mine, and because I do I open my eyes, I find Nora next to me, face marked with dried tears and a weak smile, but overall she looks so happy.

"H-hi," my voice cracks, my throat hurts so much just like the rest of my body.

"Oh God, I'm so happy you're awake," Nora exclaims, her eyes filling with fresh new tears that soon start sliding down as she clutches my hand tighter. "I was so scared, Blanca."

"What happened?" I ask, voice hoarse and a headache brewing already.

I try to go back to the last thing I remember before it was all dark and I recall the clear, hiking with Nora and Will. Then... then I remember fear and my body as if it wasn't mine. I remember Dean. Terror. A horrid taste in my mouth. Laura. Pain, so much pain. Then a fall, I remember falling into the river and giving up, hoping it would be finally the end.

My body starts trembling with the recollection of memories, the fear taking over me again and tears pool in my eyes.

"It's over. You're safe now."

"How?" I ask, because it's clear I'm in a hospital now, but I can't remember how it happened.

"We didn't get in time, Laura pushed you off the bridge before we could stop her and then ran away. I jumped after you but you weren't breathing and... and... I was so scared." Despite the horrid pain all over me, I squeeze her hand back, trying to reassure her I'm okay. Kind of. "Thank God I got you before it was too late and then the ambulance arrived, and like that we got you."

"Did you get Laura? It was her," I accuse, remembering how she hit me, attacked me and pushed me off the river.

"She ran away and she has an alibi. I don't even know how she does because I'm sure it was her, but she has. The police can't do anything."

The headache gets worse as I try to think what to do, how to fix it, but then Nora grabs my hand in both of hers, the sound of her sobs distracts me.

"I'm so sorry, Blanca. I... I should've got there sooner. I should've stopped all this. You... you almost died. I thought you had died! You weren't breathing and I was so scared," she whines, her shoulders spasming. "I thought I had lost you and... Blanca, it was my fault. I shouldn't have—"