Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 26

Take Me Home - Jess Glynne

Emma

To say it has been the worst week of my life would be a wildly gross understatement.

Thinking back on the last few days I now realize that my entire being has been utterly consumed by one emotion. This terrible ache in the pit of my gut has been eating away at me and I know that there is only one thing that can fix this.

I'm terrified.

Heading over to Harry's to hopefully sort this out is the most nerve wracking thing I have had to deal with since I was a young girl. I know it might seem silly, it's just Harry, then again it's not 'only Harry' is it?

He's everything.

So for these past few days this jumble of nerves and emotion is all I have been able to think about. The nerves of going to his door. The high probability of his rejection after my horrible behavior over the past couple weeks. What if I am simply too late? What if the other night out in the rain was my last chance? Our last chance?

Of course none of this means anything until I get my butt off my bed and out my room. I can't seem to get enough courage to actually get up and tell the one person I care about more than anything else in the entire world how I feel.

Fuck.

Tangling my fingers through my hair I flop back on my mattress frustrated in my lack of courage. But still I haven't even been able to muster up the courage to even leave my room at this point in time.

I'm scared.

But I'm not sure what I'm more nervous about, showing up at his door and being turned away or actually being happy with the one person who could break my heart for a second time (albeit the first time he was completely unaware of his power over me, we were only eight afterall).

I know what I have to do, I can sit here going through every terrifying outcome in my head but I cannot deny this other feeling that has made it's way into my head and my heart. I have something now that that I never had before.

A little twinkle of hope.

It's kind of ridiculous actually. I don't even know Louis all that well and still it's taken him showing up and telling me to be with Harry to show me that there was nothing reasonable holding me back. I finally have something that could actually push the fear aside and just...

I've never been one for courage. People say I'm a strong person and other bullshit like that but honestly, strength and courage aren't things that I ever thought I possessed. Not in terms of true emotion and feeling anyway. It's one thing to push through and allow your body to heal but it's another thing to try and deal with the mental and emotional repercussions of the things that happened.

In the past I would let my lack of courage just keep me away, allow me to take the easy way out of anything. But now, with the thought of Harry slipping through my fingers because of this shitty situation and the spark that Louis ignited in me just a few hours ago, I'm getting closer and closer to actually leaving the comfort of my bed and finding Harry.

It's hard you know, Harry and I have fought in the past but the way he looked the split second before I walked away broke my heart into a million pieces. The only thing I wasn't counting on was that I could do all the damage I was capable of before I let him in. It's all my fault and I need to fix it, my mind is ready for this...

My body on the other hand, well let's just say it has a mind of it's own.

Now that I find myself out and about in the fresh air I am ashamed to say that instead of going straight to Harry's like I should after Louis' little pep talk I am rather walking down the high street in the pouring rain down to Fletchers.