Room 234's VIRGIN

54. Mirror

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Song: Mirror - Lil Wayne, Bruno Mars.

"When life comes rushing at you from out of the darkness, who will you choose to face it with? Will it be someone you trust? Will they be wise? And will their love for you help them to guide you to the light? Or will they lose their way in the darkness? Will they make noble choices? Or will that person be someone untested, someone new? Life comes rushing at you from out of the darkness, when it does -- is there someone in your life you can count on? Someone who will watch over you when you stumble and fall? And in that moment, give you the strength to face your fears alone?- Lucas Scott One Tree Hill
***
"He's out, he's out, he's out," I keep repeating as I stand.
Tears cascade of their own accord down my face.

"Be careful," His voice resounds in my head, his warning,  two words. Images and memories from the past blur my vision and mind. His smile, his calm yet haphazard laughter holding mock, the calmness surrounding him, the insincere eyes.

"Hera say hi,"

"She's probably shy,"

"You ungrateful monster,"

"Little Hera here's what I got for you,"

"Who's he?!"

"Happy birthday,"

"Little Hera mummy's gone now,"

"It's just us two,"

"You little devil,"

"Stay here okay?"

"I'll be back,"

"I love you,"

The words consume me as I feel my chest tighten and grasp it for breath.

"You whore!"

"You slut!"

"You deserved it,"

"Stupid woman,"

"You don't love me,"

"You and your mum are the same,"

"Your existence is a sin,"

"Stupid girl"

"Hera ~oh Hera~"

"Hera...Hera," A voice calls out to me and a hand touches me.

"No, no....no please don't...noooooooo!!!!" I start screaming as images flood my mind and I black out embracing the images in the darkness of my unconscious mind.

"This is my house!"

"Where have you been?"

"You will obey me in my house,"

"Useless child,"

"I'm sorry please, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I scream as the images become more vivid.

"You are nothing without me,"

"I made you,"

"Mummy!" I scream as my body is shaken violently.

"Don't touch..." I start screaming as someone shakes me.

"Hera, Hera," I hear as my eyes open to the sight of Keith holding my hands. I hug onto him and burst into tears.

"It's okay you're okay, I'm here now, it's just a dream, you're okay," He says patting my back. I cry for a while and finally calm down. He places me back against the bed. I look around and notice I'm in a hospital room and Lexis is standing by the door quietly observing.

Did he see everything?

Does he know now?

Did Keith tell him? I quickly look to Keith in horror.

"Did you..." I start.

"I didn't punch him only because he was the one who told me where you were," Keith says.

"Does he know?" I whisper.

Keith shakes his head covering me with the blanket.

"Rest, I'll go talk to the doctor to see when I can take you home," He says and gets up.

He stops at the doorway placing his hands on Lexis' shoulder.

"I'm leaving her in a good state,if I return and she's not in this state, I'll be sure to hand you what I owe you. My punch for you," Keith says and taps it before walking out.

        I turn my face to the side too scared to see how Lexis would view me. Yes part of the reason why I chose to forgive Lexis apart from my feelings is our past. His past reminded me of mine. Lexis was like a mirror showing a part of me. I had a family to help me with love to to survive till now but Lexis had no one. But I had seen how people reacted to my past, none of my friends ever understood when I told them, I was judged wrongly and backstabed, told it was my fault and blamed. I didn't want that from Lexis. Because I understood what a past could be like I tried to help him heal, to understand who he was and is,because I saw myself in him, saw the cleverly concealed scars, the pain in his eyes, the lack of hope in his voice. I saw the me I didn't like or want to be reminded of but couldn't forget. It was me facing myself.

       I decided to take his hand and help him live again if I was that string that could help hold onto his humanity but at the end of it all would he do the same if he knew my story? I'd done the same for friends who let me down and my heart couldn't take another betrayal by someone I loved.

Loved?

I just said love.

I love Lexis?

Why?

It didn't make sense.

We've known each other for a short period and yet I feel so strongly about him.

Why?

     Because our past and his present reminds me of my demons lurking in the dark, because in helping Lexis live I'd see a light for me. Because in Lexis I see my reflection, the reflection I hated for what had been done yet loved because it was me. I saw the light that helped heal me but now that he is out, the darkness is back threatening to dim my light. I was scared. I needed the light from Lexis as much as he needed me. In Lexis and the events of the past weeks I have seen hope, for him and for me. I didn't want to lose him. I couldn't.

"Shakespeare," I hear his voice as tears come down my turned away face. I feel the bed deep in as someone steps on. His hands come around my waist and his head is placed in the crook of my neck. As the front of his body aligns with my back.

"You'll be okay, I promise," He says as my entire feelings of fear, sadness, hope shattered, hope renewed, loss, betrayal,love, anger, hate, the scars in my heart and mind come flowing out in tears as I place my hands on his holding on tightly for oxygen.

***
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