“Senna. Senna, wake up.”
I gradually blink my eyes open, staring blearily at whoever had been trying to wake me up. Becca is standing there, looking at me with concern. That’s when I remember that I was in one of my meetings, and I had fallen asleep. Immediately, I start blushing.
“Are you okay?” She asks, sitting down in the chair next to me, still watching me with the same expression.
I take out my notebook and write down and answer and show her.
‘Yeah, I’m fine. I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night…’
Which was the truth. After Caden and I snuggled or whatever that was, I stayed up really late. I just couldn’t believe I was allowing myself to get that close to him, even though I really wanted to. I didn’t understand what was going on in my head, and in my heart.
“Well, since you’re tired, I’m willing to allow you to go back to your room and sleep. I had nothing really special planned for today anyways.” She says, smiling at me.
I breathe a silent sigh of relief and stand up, mouthing ‘thank you’ to her, and then walking out of the room. Even though she said it was okay, I’m still embarrassed to have fallen asleep in the meeting… usually if I had fallen asleep while in a meeting with one of my old doctors, they would touch me to wake me up, or hit me, or something.
The doctors and psychologists and psychiatrists they hire here are very mean. Its as if they believe that force is the only way to get people to do what you want… which isn’t true. In fact, I was a lot more unruly when I was getting bullied, than I am now.
Maybe I’ve just grown tired of all the shit that’s gone down, I don’t know. But I haven’t exactly ‘acted out’ in a while. And I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.
When I’m back up in my room, I fall onto my bed and curl up, deciding to take a quick nap until the lunch bell rings.
---
Caden has to come wake me up for dinner… I slept through the lunch bell, surprisingly. I must’ve been more tired than I thought. Even Caden seemed concerned when he had to shake me awake… which I didn’t like.
It actually kind of pissed me off when I woke up to being shaken. I don’t know why, but it did. The thought ‘ who the fuck does he think he is ‘ passed through my mind, but I shook it off. I couldn’t exactly get mad at him for it, since he was just trying to wake me up.
During dinner, Caden tries to talk to me but I don’t respond in any way, just staring down at my food, picking at it. I’m not hungry tonight, and the food on my plate doesn’t seem appetizing at all.
Later that night, I don’t allow Caden anywhere near me, needing some time to think. He seems to tell that I need time to myself, and he stays on his side of the room.
I curl up in my bed as I did before and just start thinking about everything that’s happened. How I’m getting better at being touched, how I’m communicating with people, how I’m close to being ok with the outdoors…
And I don’t like it.
I truly don’t. Now that I think about it… It scares me. Scares me to know that I’m opening up, allowing people to see me and be with me and know me.
Opening myself up to be hurt.
---
Hope you liked it! I wrote this in like 5 minutes, so I’m sorry if it’s short.
Read! Constructive criticism! I can take it.
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Insane Doesn't Even Begin to Cover It...
HorrorSenna is in an insane asylum for witnessing something no one should ever have to see. She doesn't talk, and she hates being touched. Many people have tried to get through to her, but how can you fix something that you don't know anything about?
