Restlessness [Chapter 4]

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"Anything that's human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone."

Fred Rogers

2016

             It wasn't Ophelia's screams and whimpers that woke Bucky from his sleep, but her restlessness. She writhed in her sleep and bumped against Bucky, and he woke with a sudden jolt. When he found himself in his apartment with Ophelia beside him, though not in her best state, he relaxed a little bit. 

              There was always the underlying thought in his mind that they might be discovered one day as there was always going to be people looking for them. But tonight it was just Ophelia, himself, and her nightmares. Thankful that he wasn't enduring them as well, he rubbed his eyes to rid the sleep from them and decided to wake Ophelia up. His own nightmares were different from hers; they were more insidious and daunting, he had to face everyone he had ever killed in his nightmares. But Ophelia's, they were more violent, because she was a victim to so much pain.

            Bucky threw the blanket aside and grabbed Ophelia, who was lying on her side, muttering and shouting in her sleep. Grabbing underneath her arms, he brought her between his legs as he propped his back against the wall. When she was leaned against his chest, he wrapped one arm around her torso and held her close. Their heart beats were unmatched, hers racing like a rabbits. Sweat coated her hair and forehead, matting it to her skin. Bucky pressed his lips to the back of her head, took a deep breath, and began to talk to her.

            "O, hey..." He started quietly, not wanting to startle her, though there was nothing he could do to make her situation worse. "Ophelia, it's okay."

            Ophelia's eyes darted open and she lurched from Bucky's grasp. He held her tight so that she didn't scramble away and trip and hurt herself. It wasn't the first time Bucky had endured this with her, he knew what soothed her and she knew what soothed him. 

             A shuddery breath came from her lips as she tuned in to her surroundings, gasping for air and choking back sobs. Realizing she was at home, in Bucky's arms, she leaned back against him and cried for a few minutes. Bucky continued to hold her, saying nothing until she stopped crying. With one arm around her waist and the other over her collarbone, he was able to bring her back to a steady state. She brought her hands up and held onto his human arm that was around her collarbone, her nails digging into him but causing him no pain.

           When there was silence for a few minutes aside from her staggered breathing, he spoke softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

           She wasn't sure.

           She had never discussed her fear of him in their past.

           She did not want to risk saying anything that might make him feel worse about himself. And yet she couldn't get that cold stare out of her mind; the way he looked at her as though she was worthless. However, she had to be fair and remind herself that not only did he not know who she really was back then (or himself), she was worthless. A bait dog used for the bigger dogs to damage just to release some anger and frustration. Using her to fight against the Death Squad had not increased their training, it had not made them better fighters. It made them more violent, more likely to crave ending someone's life. Ophelia felt so helpless even now, so many years later and in a completely different life, she felt as though she would never make a mark upon this world.

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