In Case of Heartbreak

04 | see

C H A P T E R 4 | D E A N

Hopeless. A burden. Useless.

Three words that described exactly how I felt as I laid – still and cramped – in the hospital bed.

My parents had flown out from Los Angeles as soon as they'd been called about my accident, while Ryan, Zoe, and Abbie had driven out from their home in New York for support, and yet, I didn't have the ability to look them in the eyes and thank them.

The room was heavy with despair as the nurses left to tend to other patients - the constant beeping of the ECG monitor and the underlying smell of disinfectant filling the air. I could feel a maze of wires and tubes connected to different parts of my body, and while I was sure that my green eyes roamed around - unfocused and delirious – I was thankful, just for a moment, that I couldn't see the state I was in.

I was a wreck – physically, emotionally, and mentally.

It seemed as though, with my eyes out of commission, my ears were on high alert. I picked up on the quiet sniffles to my left, no doubt coming from my mom as she tried to keep her tears at bay, and I could hear the awkward shuffling of chairs and feet as my family moved around.

The silence was thickening as nobody knew what to say, and while my mind was completely blank, having not yet made sense of the situation, I was able to break the quiet with a fit of hoarse and painful coughs. Every muscle felt like it was shaking as I brought my hand up to cover my mouth, only to have a plastic cup placed in my grasp as I did so.

"There," my dad said quietly, and I assumed that it was him that had given me the cup.

Tipping the plastic up against my lips, I felt a small amount of relief as the water slid down my throat. "Thanks," I forced out, my voice still raspy.

No one replied as the cup was taken from my hand and I heard the thump of footsteps moving away from my bedside. I was still trying to understand what had happened, even though the nurse's explanation had been clear. I assumed it was due to the concussion and head trauma, but nothing was making sense to me, and it felt easier just to keep a clear mind.

"So... did you know the nurse or something?"

Ryan's voice was hesitant, but also curious, as though he thought that saying the wrong thing would cause me further pain.

I furred my eyebrows, turning to my right where I'd heard his voice come from. "What did she – " I started, though I was cut off as another coughing fit invaded my body. "What did she look like?"

"Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Around your age."

The description immediately brought my thoughts to Katie. The image of her blonde hair tied up loosely on her head, wisps escaping as the wind caught them, and her captivating eyes that lit up in the moonlight. She'd been a curve ball at the party – someone I hadn't expected to meet – and now, lying in a hospital bed, there was an internal sting that ignited at the possibility of never seeing her again.

I didn't dwell on her though, not wanting to stress any further.

And besides, she'd said she was going into her last year at Duke, so there was no chance that she'd been my nurse.

I shook my head, clenching my eyes shut immediately as I felt a throbbing pain in my temples. "I don't think so."

A dismissive noise escaped his lips. "Okay," he paused, "I just thought it seemed weird that she was so worried about you."

"Why?" I asked dryly, "Because it's strange for someone to be worried about me?"

"You know that's not what he meant," Zoe stressed with insistence, stepping in for my brother.