suicide notes 「 jungkook 」

∥ XVII. DREAMS ∥

벌여지지 않는 미움과 나를 거롭히는 꿈
hatred that will not go away and dreams that torture me

It was dark all around. The pitch blackness was all-encompassing as I walked forward, and I was numb to any feeling except my feet against the flat ground. I kept walking for the longest time, each step bringing me more fear that I would never escape this darkness.

Suddenly, I heard a noise to my right that sounded like another set of feet running away. Filled with terror, I whipped my head in the direction of the noise, a scream escaping my lungs. But when I turned, all I saw was an ornate, oval-shaped mirror with a single streetlight above it. Frowning, I approached the only bit of light that I'd come across in what felt like eons.

As I neared the mirror, I found that, somehow, my reflection wouldn't appear, but only the reflection of the black nothingness and the small amount of light above from the now-flickering streetlight. I walked around the strange mirror to see if I could find any clues about its origin, but I only noticed that it was curiously floating in midair. I looked at it strangely and ran my fingers over the dark wood.

Suddenly, a new image appeared in the glass. But it still wasn't my own. It looked just like the roof above my apartment building, saturated with moonlight as I'd seen earlier. But there was no backdrop of sky and trees, only the blackness. No stars were in sight, and the moon was nowhere to be found. I wondered where the silvery glow was coming from.

I turned around to see if it was actually there, and, sure enough, it was. And suddenly, I was standing in the middle of it. I looked down at my feet and the gravel crunched underneath them as I moved. I furrowed my eyebrows and turned around, but the mirror and the streetlight were gone.

I turned around in circle after circle, but no matter how many times I did this, I still found no door. I was stuck up here on the roof.

Suddenly, I heard a noise behind me. I whipped around once more, and suddenly I was confronted with the image of Jungkook standing on the ledge, facing me this time. He was smiling peculiarly down at me as the wind blew through his hair. He held out a hand to me.

"Oppa, get down from there," I spoke for the first time to find that my voice was echoing over and over and sounded like there were a million of me talking. "You know it scares me when you do things like that."

He continued smiling until his eyes suddenly rolled back into his skull, replacing the dark brown irises with nothing but white that glowed in the darkness. They shone out a white light that was so bright that I had to look away as it focused on me like a brilliant spotlight.

"Oppa, what's going on?" I demanded, but sounded broken instead as the echoing of my voice got even more intense. "I'm scared."

He said nothing, and so I forced myself to look up as the light left me. He'd tilted his head back, and the light from his eyes shone upwards like beacons as, slowly, he began leaning back.

His body tilted backwards at an unnaturally slow rate, and I began crying as I tried to run forward to grab him, but I was running just as slow as he fell, and I couldn't speed up no matter how hard I tried.

When I got to the ledge, I threw myself forwards, snatching at the air to try to grasp him somewhere and prevent him from falling, but to no avail. And I lost my balance, and suddenly I was falling off the roof as well. When I looked down below us, I could see a million stars and the moon. We were falling into the heavens. I didn't know why I was so scared.