When Worlds Collide - A Zayn Malik Fanfic

24; Goodbyes, waffles, and nitroglycerin

Violet

 

When Zayn and I finally get back to school, it's 8:30 Sunday morning. We spend the entire bus ride, and walk through the main gates and across the field in total silence. The most uncomfortable kind. I'm embarrassed more than anything else; embarrassed for actually thinking Zayn and I could be friends. I can still picture his cold stare and hear his words from before. "Last night meant nothing." I'm embarrassed because to me, it did. But I guess it's all my fault. I expected too much, and in result, I got disappointed. I mean, I really couldn't have expected Zayn and I to be best friends after last night, but I still can't help but hope that we could've been something. But I guess not.

And anyway, why should I even care? I don't need him in my life; I don't need people like that. I have Liam now, that's all that matters. Liam is exactly who I need in my life. Why focus on the things I can't have when I have perfectly good things I already do have?

Zayn and I both avoid the front office, and we both glance at each other suspiciously as if to say 'well, why aren't you going in there?'

We ignore each other and walk around to the dorm buildings. I should be going to Liam's dorm, but he's probably not awake yet and I don't want to bother him. So Zayn and I turn our separate ways, him moving towards the boys' dorms and me moving towards the girls'. I want to say something to him, but I don't know what. It just feels so strange to leave each other like this, I mean, after last night-

I stop myself. Last night meant nothing, Violet, I tell myself. You have to keep remembering that. I ignore the dull aching pain in my chest and open up the door to the girls' dorms building. Before I slip in, I turn around and glance over at Zayn, who seems to be hovering by his door, too.

An image of Zayn and I riding around the store on bikes last night, laughing madly, hops into my head and I try and push it out. That was stupid. I should have never done that. I should have just stayed in my corner reading and never left. Because now it's just so embarrassing. That's all I feel. I put all my feelings out there and all I got back was 'Last night meant nothing'. And it kind of hurts, but it shouldn't. And so I try and ignore it; I try and ignore everything. Including last night. It didn't happen. Zayn's still a jerk, he always was, and we're still the same. We're just trying to live our lives without each other. How could I have thought anything different? I mean, what made me ever actually like Zayn?

"Well bye," I say softly, and it's the kind of goodbye that will never be said again, the one you say to old friends, ones you'll never see again, or dying relatives. It makes my limbs ache but I ignore it. I ignore it all.

Zayn looks at me, and he chews on his lip as if he's thinking of a reply. And I admit that I'm a little excited, because maybe there's something there. And that thought gets me a little hopeful. I smile at him, showing him it's okay. Everything's okay. But then he looks away, opens the door, and slams it behind him, leaving me alone outside.

For a minute or two I just stand there, looking at the empty space Zayn had just been in. And I can't help it, I'm upset. Because damn, maybe I did like him. Maybe last night opened up this whole other light on him and it was nice; I liked it. I liked him. He was funny, nice, thoughtful. Where did that Zayn go? I start to wonder if it ever really existed.