Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 33

Harry

The most beautiful, neurotic, guarded, sarcastic, intelligent, funny girl in all the world is wrapped up in my arms right now and it should be the most perfect moment in the whole world and it is but there is this annoying twitch in the back of my mind that won't go away.

Of course, this morning of all mornings I'm not able to just live in the moment with this wonderful girl because unfortunately for me I followed her down to the kitchen. Yes, I know it's not good to eavesdrop but she had been gone so long I couldn't wait any longer for her delicious kisses. What a mistake that was.

'he had had far too much to drink...ended up getting physical'

I thought I was gonna be sick when I heard Emma explain some horrible night when she was younger. When I heard her utter the words 'got physical' it was like the entire world froze and my whole body went numb.

Em had been hurt, physically hurt. I can't even imagine someone doing the worst to her, forcing themselves on her. I can't even bare to think of it now as I pull her even closer to me, trying to protect her from something that's already happened.

Why can't she tell me?

Why doesn't she want to tell me?

Is this what she was having a nightmare about the morning she woke up screaming? In what way did this person hurt her physically? Who hurt her? Please don't let it be as bad as I am making it out in my head.

Someone hurt her and I wasn't around to protect her. Whatever happened is the reason she has all those scars etched into her skin.

I wish I could stop all the questions flooding my mind but I can't.

The need to make things better for her, to wipe away all the hurt from her past is all I can think about. But she hasn't told me so I can't make it better without her figuring out that I listened in to her conversation. I know her, she'd be so pissed if she found out I had snuck up on her and her friend.

I need to wait for her to tell me on her own.

Kissing the top of her head I take in as much of her as I can. She smells like she always does, of sweet coconut from her hair conditioner. I want to be there for her but I can't help if she won't let me in. Like no matter how physically close are she still has this wall up.

Sure, we've only been 'together together' for say a couple hours and thinking of all these big button issues seems silly but I can't help it. I don't even know how long I've been laying here awake with Emma in my arms over analyzing what I heard but the connection between Emma and I has existed long before I ever kissed her.

We spent all those years growing up apart but this unbreakable thing, the reason we both ended up at the same university, the reason we keep coming back to one another no matter how furious we get started when we were children.

Back then I adored her. I was fascinated by her spirit for life, determination in everything that she did, and two of the most beautiful deep blue eyes. Those things haven't changed. I just wish she'd tell me the reason she's so emotionally guarded.

This is all so exhausting. I now know how Emma feels when she overanalyzes every little thing, something I rarely do but now I can barely keep my eyes open as sleep takes over my whole body.

I feel her breath hitting my chin before I even open my eyes. The warmth of her palm on my bare chest is a welcome gesture. As I peel my eyes open I am met with the two blue eyes that I use to dream about looking down at me as she smiles from above.