{ #1 } I Was Shooting For The Moon, I Hit Two Stars (MxMxM || 18+)

Chapter 55 - Hopeless & Homeless

(Alex's POV - Sat. 2 May 2015)

Well done, Alex! Such a great job you did! You couldn't have reached better achievements in your life!

You owned everything you'd ever hoped for, and even more!

You had a great job and the best career opportunities. You had become a cook and could have progressed even further in the future because you were learning from the best. You had nice colleagues and your work environment was far better than in most restaurants. A great kitchen with all modern appliances. A peaceful atmosphere thanks to a boss and managers who truly care for the employees. A really good salary. There was a future there for you. Mark certainly had high expectations.

Now you have to start it all over again. From scratch. Though that's only if you're given a second chance. Do you even deserve it? That would make you the hell of a lucky bastard... At barely 20, you'd already been given the chance of a lifetime at Le Marais, and you had to go and ruin everything! Now just try and get a new job in a crappy restaurant! You'll just get back to washing dishes and pots!

Not only did you ruin your professional future, but even worse, you also ruined your sentimental life. Only six months ago, you were leading a lonely and boring life, but you had come to be loved and cared for. How could you throw all this happiness away like it was shit? Don't you think you'd gone through enough after you lost your parents and had to live with the bitch? Hadn't you suffered enough from loneliness and misery?

For God's sake, you hadn't found one man to cherish you, but two! Who gets lucky enough to have two men they love equally and gets the same in return? You can't even blame them for treating you differently because you joined their relationship four months after they'd been together! They never considered you as a spare wing for their beautiful ship. You were part of a whole, perfectly integrated. Mark cared for you as much as he cared for Shannon. And Shannon loved you as much as he loved Mark.

And what did you do? You just wasted it all away. You threw all this perfection in a dumpster and ran away, like the coward you are.

Because a coward, you are!

Your best hope now is that they've come to hate you so badly that they won't suffer from your selfish and chicken departure. You didn't even have the guts to face them with a proper farewell... Did you even think about how they would feel toward your absence? Did you imagine for just one second how sad and empty they might feel? No, of course not! It's so much easier to pretend they'll just hate you...

You're just too self-centered, only thinking about your own little person...

Just try to fathom how guilty Mark might have felt when he found your note. Imagine his anger. And what about Shan...? What if he woke up before Mark returned and found your letter? Do you think he panicked, all alone in the apartment? Did he cry his soul out searching you in every room?

That hurts, doesn't it? Yeah, right... Remain in your denial. Keep thinking that the only emotion that washed over them was spite, but deep down, you know I AM right.

Best decision in your whole fucking life!

I wish my conscience would give me a break, but it keeps polluting my head with its sarcastic voice and its bitter thoughts as I walk back to my motel after another unsuccessful day of job-hunt. Freaking conscience just won't shut up, but I guess I deserve it.

I guess I deserve the entire situation I'm in.

This has been another day roaming the streets of Champaign, looking for a job, and I'm so tired of these miles walking. I'm trying to save the cash I own, so there's no way I'm going to use the bus, much less a cab. It gives me the opportunity to enter all the restaurants, fast-foods, bakeries and caterers I cross, but unfortunately, each establishment I visit brings the same answer. No vacant jobs. And yet, I'd better find one soon or I'll end up living on the streets. The motel I found is rather cheap and decent, but it still costs me like forty bucks a night, so it's only temporary. Hence my eagerness to find work and a place to live.