Interrupted (Rogers x reader)

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Angst warning, guys: Miscarriage, trauma, building collapse (I'm in a dark place today, sorry)

Your mind was racing, concentrating on too many things at once and your body was paying the price. It was too hard to push the thoughts of Steve away to focus on trying to breathe. It was too hard to not think of your husband when he might be the last thing to cross your mind. It was impossible to not think of him when you so desperately needed to hear his voice right now, not willing to lose the belief that he would find you.

~~~

Holding the small stick in your hands, staring at the little plus sign at its center, you became convinced that the next time you saw Steve you would be able to tell him. It wasn't as if you weren't giving it your best to do it, but every time that you tried to get the words out you were interrupted by one thing or another. You had only known for a short time, and now that you were certain that it wasn't a false positive result, you needed to tell him now.

The first attempt was right after you took the test, but before you could find him in the tower, he was pulled away on a mission. When he came back he was just too beaten down and exhausted; you wanted this to be something joyful, not something that he would sleep through.

The second try gave you a little more time to try something memorable. You had planned a night out, something that the two of you desperately needed, but as always, he was called into duty before either of you even had the chance to pick out what you were going to wear.

The third try was probably best to have failed, on the verge of calling in Tony to assist you so that Steve wouldn't get called away again before you had a chance to talk. Looking back, it was probably some form of divine intervention that your morning sickness kicked in that day and ruined your plans, because if Tony had known first, Steve would never forgive you.

Today.

Today you were going to get it right, even if it meant blurting it out the next time you saw him. You didn't exactly plan on that moment being so soon and he caught you completely off guard.

"(Y/N)?" Steve called out to you from your room followed by a harsh slam of your door. His voice sounded wrong and it piqued your curiosity, quickly putting the little test stick in the drawer on your side of the sink before opening the door to greet him.

"What's wrong?" you immediately asked, after seeing the look on his face that matched his tone. A few long strides were all he needed to be quickly in front of you. "Hey, are you okay? Did something happen?"

"I need you to suit up, fast as you can."

"Steve, I don't think-"

"Now, (Y/N). I need every set of hands on this one."

"Okay, but I need to tell you-"

"I said now, (Y/N)," he snapped, very uncharacteristically. He noticed your apprehension and reaction to his tone, taking a moment to put his hand on your arm just to get a second of connection. "I'm sorry, but that's an order."

~~~

You should've tried harder to fight him and just told him why you didn't want to be here. If he knew why you were hesitating, he would have kept you home; kept you both safe. It was a guarantee that if you didn't get yourself out of this, Steve would never recover from it and he'd blame himself until his dying day. You couldn't allow him to live that life because of you.

Where was he? Why hadn't he found you yet? What if he didn't get out in time?

Your mind had shifted from the thoughts of Steve and into a full-on panic, now nearly impossible for you to breathe at all. Pain shot through your chest with each expansion of your lungs, making you cough violently. A wipe of your hand over your mouth returned with a smear of blood, and you knew; you knew that if he didn't appear soon, you would never get to tell him.

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