Forgive Me (complete)

25

I crossed to the preternatural realm though I wasn't alone. Michael followed me, much to my dismay. Didn't he understand I just needed to be alone? I couldn't listen to his reasoning anymore and I didn't want him to try to convince me of anything. He was everything to me and now he ruined my confidence in him. I wanted to believe he could trust me; I wanted to believe he thought I was a good person but in the end, he couldn't bring himself to trust me.

"Katrina, please," he asked while following me.

I couldn't understand why he wouldn't just order me back to Heaven since he was spending all this time following me into a realm he had never been to. I wasn't really sure he was even allowed in the preternatural realm since, technically, I wasn't allowed. It was reserved for experimental beings. Adonai had created them, he just wanted to keep them in check. Humans rarely interacted with preternatural beings though it did happen more often than Adonai wished.

"Don't you get it?" I asked as I whipped around to face him, "I needed you to believe in me for once but you couldn't. Damian's right... you will never see me as anything but a deal maker."

"That's not true," he firmly stated, "I love you more than anything, Katrina. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe even if it means sending Uriel to follow you."

"But you didn't do it to keep me safe. You did it because you thought I couldn't keep my legs closed," I accused.

"I didn't trust him to respect the fact that we are together and clearly I was right."

I shook my head, "I told you I could handle it."

"He nearly convinced you to stay with him!"

I scoffed, "For being one of the wisest beings in existence, you can be really fucking stupid sometimes. If I wanted to stay with Damian I would do it. He offered to marry me and have me rule the Underworld with him," I said.

I knew I probably should have kept that bit of information to myself but I let my anger get the best of me. Judging by his instant brick wall expression, he was furious at the proposal.

"Fine. If you want to rule the Underworld with him then do it."

"Do you honestly think I would have fought for you all this time to go marry Damian? I'm not sure if you realize how much damage you do to this relationship every time you doubt me," I mused.

He sighed in frustration, "I know."

"Yet you keep doing it."

"It's not easy for me, Katrina. Being with you is not easy. I usually punish people like you-"

"People like me?"

"Those that have not lived by Adonai's word," he clarified.

"I am so tired of this. Fighting with you is exhausting. Just leave."

"Please come with me," he asked tightly.

"No. We are not together right now and I'm not sure if we ever will be again."

"You can't be serious," he asked in disbelief.

"I am entirely serious. I told you not to follow me here. I told you to trust me and you won't."

I tried not to cry but I was overwhelmed. Michael was the only thing that ever overwhelmed me and it could be amazing and horrible all at once. Maybe I could try to move on from him and Damian though I doubted it would ever fully happen. I could have sex with other men but I would never love someone else or react to them the way I did with those two men.

"Fine. I am commanding you to go back to Damian. Apparently he is what will make you happy... this will be the last time you see me," he said though he was far from emotionless. I could practically feel the hurt in his voice.

My jaw just about hit the floor. He was forcing me back to the Underworld?! Fine. If he didn't want me then I would move on. At least, I would try.

As much as I tried to stop myself from crossing back to the Underworld, I couldn't. I stormed through the castle receiving many uneasy looks. Most people avoided me because they feared me but when I was this worked up, they were concerned I would take it out on them.

I spotted Avina laughing with Keziah before I caught her attention. A scowl graced her angelic features when she started towards me.

"You were banished," she sneered.

I only saw red. My fist connected with her stupid perfect features but I wasn't done. She fell to the ground with me quickly following, going in for another punch.

Before I could hit her a third time, I was hauled off of her kicking and screaming.

"This is all your fucking fault!" I screamed at her.

I was quickly turned into a pair of muscular arms despite my best efforts to break free. Damian gripped my face, forcing me to look directly at him. I knew I looked insane, wild. I couldn't stop myself from gripping his shirt and burying my face in his chest. I felt him sigh as he wrapped his arms around me, sheltering my head from the world as I cried hysterically into his rock solid chest.

""Damian!" Avina cried from behind me.

If he responded, I couldn't tell. He simply picked me up and carried me away from the prying eyes.

He took me up to my former room and closed the door behind us. I expected him to set me down and make sure Avina was okay but he laid next to me, pulled me into the side of his body so he never lost contact with me.

"Sleep, Katrina," he commanded softly.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I woke from a deep, relaxing sleep still wrapped in Damian's arms. Though I was happy he forced me to sleep, I was still feeling the affects of Michael rejecting me and forcing me to the Underworld. I tried to disconnect but it hurt so much. He was all I could think about and I couldn't even fight for him. He banished me to the Underworld and I lost my title in the Underworld so I couldn't cross realms without Damian. In fact, I wasn't supposed to cross them at all even with an escort.

"Do you feel any better?" Damian asked as he moved my hair away from my face.

I managed to shake my head a little as I curled further into him. I didn't feel any better but my sleep was a release from reality even if for a little bit.

"Thanks for letting me sleep," I mumbled.

"Would you like to sleep more?"

"Not right now. Maybe later."

He stroked my hair lightly but said nothing. In typical Damian fashion, he wasn't going to push me into telling him anything but I needed to get it off my chest.

"I'm sorry about Avina," I said quietly.

"When I told you I would marry you, I was being serious. I will send Avina away if that is what you want," he offered.

"I made the mistake of punishing someone before. I won't do it again," I muttered.

"I am sending her to Earth. She doesn't want to be here, she made that very clear but Adonai refused to let her back into Heaven so Earth is her only option."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"It's not your fault. She never wanted to come here and now she's getting to leave."

"Did I hurt her badly?"

"Not too bad. She will be fine. I think you scared her more than anything."

"I am so embarrassed. I can't believe I lost it like that," I said as I hid my face.

"Everyone feared you before but now they're petrified," he said with a light laugh.

I groaned, "I just can't believe I did that. I never lose control."

"I know. I don't think I've ever seen so much emotion from you."

"I don't know how it escalated so quickly. One minute I was telling him he was stupid for thinking I would cheat on him and the next thing I know he's banishing me to the Underworld. I don't have anything now," I said on the verge of tears again.

"You have me, Kat. You always have and you always will. I know I'm not your true mate but I love you and I'll never treat you the way he does," he promised.

I stared into his eyes waiting for him to falter but he never swayed from his promise to always love me. I knew he would never mistreat me or reject me. He would always trust me and would never look down on me.

I kissed him deeply despite how horrible it made me feel. Physically, I missed him; I missed how skilled he was with my body specifically but mentally I was sick with myself. It felt so wrong to be with anyone but Michael however, Michael didn't want me. I would never see him again so I might as well try to make my days worth living. Technically, it didn't matter if my days were worth living or not because I was already dead but I wanted my days to mean something.

He placed my legs on either side of him and tangled a hand in my hair. We hadn't acted like this in thirty years and for some reason I found comfort in our old way of being together. He wasn't expecting me to be better than I was; he was simply happy to have me at all. It really was surprising that we weren't mates. We shared a passion close to what Michael and I had and our understanding for each other was deeper than anything Michael and I had. I did love Damian but I couldn't admit that to him or anyone. I was suppose to be with Michael, not Damian. The Book said so.

But why would Damian be so attached to me? I understood not wanting to be with Avina but he really latched onto me and I couldn't seem to help myself around him. I never allowed myself to feel anything deeper for Damian because I knew I was only sex to him; that was the arrangement we had made and it worked well for us for a century. Our personalities did work well together so it was a shame I wasn't allowed to feel anything deeper for him.

He rolled me onto my back, never once breaking our lips until he moved to my neck, instantly going for his favorite spot. I thought I would be disgusted with myself for being with him but I was somewhat relieved to not have to fight.

"Katrina," he asked as he rested his forehead on my chest.

I ran my nails up the back of his neck and into his soft black hair as I waited for him to go on.

"This isn't right," he muttered.

I sighed. Leave it to Damian to stop right when things get heated.

"What's not right?"

"You have to be my mate. I couldn't feel this way about you if you weren't," he said in frustration.

I was caught off guard by his sudden confession but quickly composed myself. I wasn't going to feed this because I saw The Book myself.

"I saw The Book myself, Damian."

He propped his chin on my chest but the look in his eyes was far from playful, "I am in love with you, Kat. I know you love me."

"Damian, I-"

"Please, Katrina, just tell me exactly what you're thinking."

I sighed, "You want to know exactly what I'm thinking?"

He stayed silent though his look of encouragement was enough. I felt comfortable around him. We had been together longer than any married human couples.

"I know I love you but I saw The Book. I saw my name with Michael's. I want to be yours, I always have but for some reason we weren't destined for each other."

"Something isn't right. Mates accept each other regardless of the situation that is what they are designed to do. All this turmoil we have experienced since finding our supposed mates isn't normal. When I'm with you, it's easy. It's like breathing but when Avina is around I'm just irritated and frustrated and you're all I can think about."

He had a point. I knew nothing about mates but it only made sense that being with your other half would be easy. Everything with Michael felt forced but I couldn't deny the attraction I felt towards Michael. To say I was confused was an understatement.

"I want it to be," I finally admitted, "But I can't deny how horrible I feel about Michael rejecting me."

"You feel horrible because rejection is hard to take. I am going to figure out what is going on," he said as he got up and pushed a hand through his onyx hair.

I sat up feeling anticipation creep into my stomach. What if he was right and I spent all this time avoiding him? I would be the worst mate ever, disappearing for an entire year, sleeping with another man. Then again, he slept with Avina at least once.

"How do you plan on doing that?"

"I'm going to talk to my father."

I jumped up and followed him, "I'm coming too."