Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 37

Moonlight - Ariana Grande

Into You - Ariana Grande

Touch It - Ariana Grande 

(^don't know why, her new album was great to write to)

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Emma

Is it pathetic that I'm already outside waiting for Harry to get here and hit's only a quarter to eight?

Don't the movies say to be fashionably late or to make the guy wait a few minutes at least when he comes to pick you up to lay on a sense of mystery and anticipation of the evening? I know they all probably do, of course that's probably what Lina would tell me to do if she knew I was already out here, but I don't give a fuck honestly.

Right now I feel like a giddy three year old waiting for her daddy to get home, not that I ever really did that. Or like a teenager getting ready for her first winter formal, not that I ever did that either but I guess I'm making up ground tonight waiting out here for Harry.

With everything I have this tendency to be almost annoyingly early to things. To class, appointments, shows, etc. and I won't make an exception for tonight, Harry's just gonna have to get used to the fact that his girlfriend... Is that what I am now? I mean to be far we have yet to even go on a date but still?

7:58 - He should be here any minute.

My heart rate is reaching an alarmingly high rate. It's pounding so hard against my chest that I fear it might burst out onto the front steps.

7:59 - Alright, here he comes.

You just need air, just breath and maybe you won't be close to cardiac arrest, it's only Harry afterall. Of course if you do faint from anticipation and nerves he will always just show up and come to your rescue, that could be romantic.

8:00 - Ok, deep breath Em, it's only Harry, you'll be fine. Just remember to breath.

I don't know why I'm suddenly so nervous.

Yes I've had a nervous twinged all day. From the moment I read his little message I have had this feeling. It's almost like when your breath gets caught in your throat and it leaves a weird lump in the base of your throat. That has been me all afternoon, able to breath but not feeling fully satisfied with my air intake. But now that this is all actually happening I feel like I can barely stand. I daren't move incase I loose my footing and end up head first in the bushes just at the base of the porch.

Harry, he'll surely make this all go away. I'm sure of it, good thing he should be here momentarily.

8:03 - Alright, maybe he's hit some traffic... who am I kidding, this is drowsey Oxford University, there's no traffic. Silly boys just late.

8:07 - Ok, something's up, maybe he sent a text – 'No New Messages'.

8:11 - Alright I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, it's only been ten minutes. Maybe there has been an emergency.

8:19 - No phone call, no text, why am I still standing out here like a desperate baby in the hopes that the boy, who's obviously standing her up, will actually show up... fuck it's only been 20 minutes, calm the hell down Em.

8:22 - I feel like I am the definition of pathetic. My heart has slowly plummeted through the ground and I have nowhere to go. Can't go inside now cause Lina and her 5th degree is in there. I will not have her knowing that I'm still here. I would go to Harry's but I can't really go there because in the cruel game that is my life he, of all people, is the person who stood me up.