Spencer Reid One Shots

Here Comes The Sun (Softly - Four)

Spencer waited until her breathing changed and her eyes started to flicker under her lids. It took longer than normal, almost as if she knew he was going to be there tonight and she didn't want to see him. He could feel the guilt rolling off her in waves.

But she had nothing to feel guilty about, and she needed to know that.

When the time was right he climbed onto the bed next to her and slowly started stroking her arm.

"Y/N..... "

She stiffened, but ignored him.

"Y/N... Come on." Spencer tried again, moving closer behind her on the bed.

"I just wanna sleep." She muttered, burrowing down into her covers.

"And I'll let you sleep. Afterwards....tonight will be the last time you see me."

That got her attention and she rolled over immediately to face him, a stricken look clouding her features.

"What do you mean. You're not... You're not leaving me again, Spencer."

"I'll never truly leave you, Y/N. But I won't show myself to you after tonight. It's not right anymore." He kept his voice soft, seeing her eyes flooding again.

"Because of tonight, because of Derek?! Spencer that meant nothing to me...I... I..."

She started to sob, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him and shushing her gently, smoothing back her hair.

"This isn't because of Derek. It's because of you. You need to move on Y/N. And I'm not helping you. I came because I didn't want to see you hurt yourself, but I stayed because I couldn't bear to see you sad and be by yourself, and seeing me seemed to make you happy. But you're not by yourself, you have people who love you and want to help you. And seeing me, now only seems to make you sadder. I can't keep coming."

"Yes you can!"

"No, I can't. This is goodbye sweetheart. For good. I didn't say goodbye before, I couldn't. But now I can and I have to. So before I go, I need you to know how special you were to me, how perfect. You lit up each and every day we spent together, and you filled my heart with so much joy and happiness. I can't thank you enough for loving me the way you did, for showing me all the things you did and sharing your world with me. What we had was the love of a lifetime, but it was the love of MY lifetime, not yours. You can have another, you deserve another. You're so young still, there's so much more for you to do. You ARE going to get married and you ARE going to have babies, you'll be such a fabulous mother Y/N. And I'll be so pleased and proud to watch from afar."

"I don't.. I don't want to. Not without you, Spencer. I can't without you." She was clutching at him now.

"You have to. I'm not really here, you know that. You can't keep living with my ghost and I can't keep making you. It's okay for you to move on. It's okay for you to love again."

Y/N was quiet for a few moments, silently sobbing into his chest and Spencer rubbed her back, savouring these last moments. After a while she spoke.

"It's feels like I'd be cheating on you."

"But you're not. It's completely different from that. Having feelings for someone else doesn't mean you loved me any less. You loved me as much as you could, and a part of you always will. A part of your heart will always belong to me just like my whole heart will always belong to you. But... You can share your heart with another. Derek maybe..... "

She raised her head to look at him, her cheeks glistening and her eyes red. Y/N had never been a pretty crier. She cried like she did everything else in her life, with passion. But she still looked like the most beautiful creature Spencer had ever laid eyes on.