Seeking Haven // s.m.

Thirteen

Wren

The second I see his lean, muscular body stretched out on the blue checkered picnic blanket, which was placed beneath a sweeping, shady tree near the fountain-- my first instinct is to spin right back around on my heels and make a break for it.

I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. It was almost the exact same palpable feeling I get when I consume too many oreos in one single afternoon; twisted and queasy.

Just the sight of him made me shudder. It was still so strange for me to see him. I'm not sure I'll ever really get used to him hanging around, but in a completely compassionate mindset, I certainly know that I don't want him to.

Since I knew very well that I couldn't just take off after calling him and promising to meet him here, I force one foot in front of the other until I was finally towering over his relaxed figure.

He lifts his dark sunglasses and squints against the sun, his voice low, "Hi."

I flick the loose strands of my blondish hair over my shoulders, which was beginning to grow out and hang just shy of my torso.

"Hey," I slightly wave in return. "What's up?"

"Sit down," he gestures kindly towards the spot next to him, and I drop my bag and slowly ease onto the blanket he had spread across the grass.

"Did you bring it?" Shawn asks me, turning his figure towards mine.

I nod slowly, recalling our phone conversation merely half an hour ago in which I absentmindedly agreed to meet him at the park in between our neighborhoods-- and bring her diary with me. I had dug it out of the top drawer of my polished wooden dresser where I had previously stored it, having no intention of opening it up again.

"Look," Shawn says suddenly, forcing my eyes to meet his, his mouth heaving an exasperated sigh, "I know it's weird and really awkward for you. And I know that I'm talking to you now way more often than I should."

I purse my lips together, waiting for him to go on. His soft, curly brown hair was in a slight quiff that shaped around his head on the sides, a hairstyle that I never used to see him wear years ago when I first met him. It was always much too short to style at all.

"It's just that.. ever since I saw you on my balcony at the party, I kind of.. I don't know. I never thought of you as the type of person who would be going to house parties and stuff. I guess I just always saw you as Wren's little sister, I never.. I never really saw you as an adult. Hell, I never even saw you as a teenager. You were just a kid to me. It was kind of a wake-up call, running into you."

I cross my legs out in front of me, leaning back on my hands as I stare carefully at the wide, open sky, the leafy branches of the tree above me overlapping my view. Flowers were beginning to bloom in a few places, indicating that summer was about to begin.

I think about what he'd just said-- about him never seeing me as an adult. The truth is, I never saw myself that way either.

When I think of people like Haven-- who partied and had the time of her god forsaken life every single night-- when I think of all of the wild and free, young-and-stupid adventures she had over the years, it just doesn't click that she was my age when all of that came to an end. When she came to an end.