The Light in the Dark (completed)

Ill never forget you

My tears wet her jacket as she held me in an embrace. I hated her for leaving me but I would've done the same.

     I'll miss you Kacy I signed as a tear collapsed out of my eyes.

    I'll never forget you. She sounds like she'll never see me again.

    Your coming back right? I sign with a warning gaze.

    She doesn't answer only hugs me and retreats in her black coat through the snow, into the black car that would take her away from me. My mascara dripped down my face as I raised my hand in a slow wave until the car was vanished behind a corner. I tucked my hands into my warm pocket and walked down the streets. One street after another. The next one to the next. Sign after sign. Minutes passed. And then hours. Until I reached a familiar playground. I sat on a swing that dipped slightly under my weight. My head was lowered and my thick waves covered my eyes. The slits I was looking through revealed black, dirty, tennis shoes walking toward me. He had paper and a pen. Scribbling down on it,
How are you?
    Do you want me to be honest?
    Yes.
    I don't know then.
    Are you happy?
    No. Are you?
    Your not. So I'm not.
    Stop acting like you care.
    But I do.
    Mmhm
    What?! I can't care for you?
    Like you really do. We are thirteen.
    Yeah, so?
    So? Your brains aren't fully grown. 
    No wonder I barely passed science.
    Wow.
    Wow what?
    Your such an idiot you know.
    I know.
    I need to get home.
    Why?
     Because I have work.
    Like what?
    Getting my life together. And with that I stood up from the swing and started down the streets with Zach on my heels.

     I'll walk you. He scribbles and showed it to me before tucking it into his jacket. I just nodded as we silently walked down the streets. I don't know why I was resisting his care. Maybe I just didn't care any more. Maybe I was just done. I don't think Kacy was coming home. If that family decides they want a kid. They will adopt her. She isn't staying there for nothing. I sighed. I wanted it to be over. And my it I mean everything. Not hearing. Being deaf. It was like being trapped. And I just wanted to escape. Anything else I could force my escape. Like when my mum had my ace buried in a pillow, I was able to steal breaths. If I had my hand stuck in something, there was always an option where I could cut that something off even if I didn't want to. But now I'm in the real world. Where you can just use your last bit of strength to steal breath or cut whatever you need. No escaping this. Only two routes. Live or die. No stop thinking like that. I tell myself but it's always in the back of my mind. I shook my head to try and physically rid of the thought. Zach looked  at me for a moment, concerned. He raised an eyebrow. I just nodded.

    Once I was at my doorstep I turned to the door. He grabbed my arm and pulled out his notebook. You live here? The orphanage? Crap. I silently cursed and slowly nodded. I didn't know that. I'm sorry. I took the notebook from him and wrote.

    6 years. Just dropped off. I sighed.

    No ones adopted you? He really did seem confused.

    Well a deaf 13 year old is something people are searching for. Definitely.

    He just lowered his head. Sorry.

    For what? I left it at that. I skipped up the two steps toward the door and looked back. Worried shadowed his Amber eyes. I nodded and motioned my hand from my chin and down thank you. His eyes lit in understanding. He got it.

•••

    I slowly walked to school the next morning. Snow had came early this year. My shoes sunk in the thin snow that lay like a blanket over the earth. It was Friday and everyone was excited about it. I was not. I haven't been excited over anything. I wish Kacy would've stayed. Today was my first day of school without her. I had no friends anymore and would probably sit in the back of the class away from everyone.

    Today I was wrapped in a light grey jacket and had on jeans. My dark brown hair was left carelessly cascading down my back. My arms were folded across my chest, not as a rude gesture, only an attempt at warmth. Black circles my under eyes from a sleepless night. I skipped dinner, and sat awake all night staring at the snow that was falling silently outside my window. No body had attempted a smile or even a stare. I'm not going to say I tried to start anything with them though. I turned the corner toward the school and slid silently through the door. Warm air welcomed me as I stripped from my jacket.

•••

3rd period gym

I sat on the bleachers still in my normal clothes. After most of the kids emerged from the dressing area, Coach Dawson walked up to me with his normal scowl, waving for me to come down.

Not today. I signed even if he couldn't understand me. He stood there confused for a moment until Zach walked passed him a whispered something in his ear. Coach Dawson looked at him in a grimace and then nodded, walking away. Zach looked up to see my reaction but I only dipped my head, avoiding eye contact.

Everyone continued to participate in gym. A few people pointing and whispering to their friends but I ignored them. Something I did well. Coach Dawson released them to go change. 40 minutes had went my quickly. I left to my locker and gathered my stuff for family and consumer science. Only a binder full of essays and paper.

In my fourth period I sat with my head on the table watching the clips of kids talking about their life and how they were bullied. My face was mostly covered by my hair. I had to read the captions which was pretty tiring. I ended up lying there doing nothing but when people clambered out of their seats, I figured the bell had rang and followed the crowd of 7th graders to lunch. Walking slowly through the line of lunch food, I only emerged with a sandwich which I was forced to take. I got free lunch since I lived at an orphanage. It wasn't a normal thing here. No one I knew had it, only me. My face turned hot once the lunch lady dismissed me without paying. I always received stares from that. Some pity and some mock. I sat at the edge of the table I normally sat at, normally with Kacy. Now I feel as though every eye was burning into me. Suddenly I didn't have an apatite for my ham and cheese.

    I sat there silently staring at my nearly empty tray. I saw a tray fall beside of mine and felt the pressure of someone sit by me. A familiar note book and pen came down beside of it.

How are you? It already had written on it. I looked up and saw Zach.

Okay. I wrote and picked a piece of my bread and took a small nibble out of it.

Don't lie. He raised an eyebrow.

Not in the mood.

For what? He asked obliviously.

Anything. And with that I picked up my tray and dumped it, leaving early and sitting outside the school in an alley that separated the closest apartment from the school.

     I sat on a old cardboard box that easily supported my weight. I rested my hand on my first where my elbows were pressing in my knees. I thought about going back to the Orphanage but I decided Mrs. Walls would be upset if I came home early, so I sat there in the dark alleyway.

    It wasn't exactly the most peaceful town, it's home though. But it's not. It never has been. It's always been my temporary home. It's not where I belong. I'll find a place someday where I can establish something. Earth is my temporary home. I've never had much of a religious life. It wasn't exactly a religious town, so I'll never know where I'm going in my after life. I have no place anymore. No one who cares what happens. Is it irrational to ask myself what is the point of my existence?