Chapter 14

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Kat
February 14, 2005

*

Same day

*

He's so close...
But so far away.

Our bodies are not quite touching, but I can feel the heat radiating off of him.  If I just pushed myself forward half an inch, our bodies would meld together, like I remember all too well. 

But I can't do that.  That would ruin everything.  He doesn't want a relationship.

This is supposed to be fake, but the way he makes me feel is anything but. 

Just having him this close, feeling his breath on my face, is causing my brain to short circuit. 

I don't know how to feel or how to act around him.  I'm antsy and I really need to get out of here to clear the fog he causes in my brain, but I need to clarify a few things before I do.

"Okay, so we are doing this?  For real?  Well, for fake, I mean... well, you know what I mean.  But we are actually doing this for real, for fake?"  Oh god, I'm rambling. I can't stop myself. 

How did this happen?  Oh right, it was my brilliant idea.  Two birds, one stone.  Yeah, just brilliant. 

More like two bullets, one foot... because I totally just shot myself in the foot, both of them actually. 

Great, and now I'm mixing metaphors.  Could I be any more lame?  Just stop thinking for once in your life. 

Yes, thinking.  Thinking is what got you into this stupid mess in the first place.

One minute I was thinking that I just need a way to show everyone that I'm fine and the next, I'm asking Ben out. Just pretend, of course.

Yeah... keep telling yourself that.

I am so screwed. 

When I return to reality, Ben is laughing.  At me?

"Are you done?"  He continues to softly chuckle.

"Done with what?"  I wasn't doing anything, was I?

"Over thinking."  What the? 

"I wasn't-" He cuts me off before I can finish the lie.

"Oh please, I can literally hear the wheels spinning.  Don't even try to lie to me."  He smirks.

I huff, crossing my arms.  Real mature, I know. 

"Fine.  I'm done.  Happy?"  Yep, that was way more mature.  Good job, Katarina, you are officially a petulant child.

"Very.  Are you?"  He pulls my hand up to his mouth again, placing a gentle kiss on it before entwining our fingers and laying them between us.

"Uh... yes? I guess."  I'm not sure how to respond.  I'm glad everyone will back off and leave me alone, does that count?

"You guess?  We are throwing this rock for you.  Shouldn't you be happy?"  Just by his words, I would think he was annoyed, fortunately I can hear the amusement in his voice.

"I will be, once everyone believes it."  I am more honest than I meant to be.

"You don't think they will?"  He sounds slightly worried.

"I highly doubt it.  We will need to get our story straight and probably-" He cuts me off before I can finish our To Do list.

"Wait. Why wouldn't they believe it?"  He sounds curious and slightly annoyed, maybe.  It's hard to tell.  I would give anything to be able to see his face in this moment.  I really hope he's not irritated, because I'm pretty sure my explanation won't help.

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