How To Begin Again

Chapter 17 - Baby Can You See Through The Tears

Chapter 17  - Baby Can You See Through See Through The Tears

Adriana found herself in her usual spot the next day. The garden step was the only place she could go to feel at peace with herself, the only place where she could let go of her thoughts and the only place where she didn't feel like the world was against her. She was slowly slipping away from her own mentality. Adriana was an anchor, slowly falling down through the depths, into the darkness, never to return. Could anyone save her soul now? Could anyone lift her from her misery?

*

Emily and Evan sat in their regular place. The swings were a place of solitude for them; a place where they could let go of their troubles and truly feel for one another. They were both so happy around one another, they could let go of the world and feel the air upon their faces. 

Is this not true happiness? Being around people who you know you can laugh with, people who you can share your deepest secrets with and people who make you happy. People who let you forget the world and people who you trust with you life. Happiness is about bringing people together and enjoying the presence of one another, living life to the full, and when you're at war with yourself you just ride the storm and see let it take you away.

Emily and Evan had their hands interlocked as they walked down the field path behind the park. Many did not even know that this path existed but Emily remembered. She remembered going down with Adriana and Jamie countless times when they were younger. In particular she recollected a moment when Adriana had walked along the wall that lay just after the path. The wall was ancient and had been there for as long as anyone could remember. It was so old that in certain spots it had just crumbled down into pure nothingness. Adriana had jumped over one of these gaps and had slipped, she fell and hit her leg hard on the way down until she made contact with the ground. Jamie tried to hold his laughter as Emily ran over to help. Adriana must have scraped herself pretty hard as the blood gushed out. 'What am I going to do, my mum won't be home to look after me.' Emily remembered the pain in her voice, Adriana truly had no one. They carried her to Emily's house and watched Helen look after her as if she was her own daughter. Adriana was invited to stay for a couple of nights which for her was complete bliss. She didn't have to wake up in the middle of the night to find her mum sprawled out across the stairs. Adriana felt wanted for once in her life. She didn't want to leave. The worst feeling was getting home to her mum who was laid on the floor next to the sofa. Ashley hadn't even noticed she was gone.

It pained Emily to remember such times but that day she saw through the tears, she truly saw Adriana's pain when she realised she had no one to care for her. This memory had stuck with Emily for a long time and never would she forget it.

*

Ashley joined her daughter in the tranquil air, the air which seemed to poison Adriana. She didn't know what to do, not being able to relieve her daughters pain frustrated her. Ashley remembered the days when she had someone in her life. Someone who stabilised her and cared for her. The days before she had tumbled into depths, to a dark and desperate time where alcohol was the only friend she relied on. She still longed for it; the sense of life that it gave her. She knew she would never be fully complete again, and that her heart - which lay broken in a million tiny pieces - would never be fully pieced together again.

"How are you feeling Ade?" She said with deep concern as she sat down next her.

"I can't do it anymore, I can't f-feel this pain, it's horrible mum, I just don't want to be here anymore."

"I know how it feels my darling, I understand your pain but you need to find it in yourself to let whatever it is go, just like I let go of your father." Ashley felt uncomfortable mentioning him.

"Don't mention him mum, it pains me to talk a-about it, I don't know what to do, I just wish I could feel normal again." Adriana felt the tears welling in their familiar place. Her senses seemed amplified. She could feel the subtle breeze on her soft skin and felt the colours of the world in her eyes. The atmosphere seemed to speak to her as she heard a car pull up somewhere on the street.

"I know it will work out Adriana, I'm here for you."

Before Adriana could even reply there was a knock at the door. A knock which was about to change Adriana's life. As soon as Ashley opened the door to see a boy standing there with soft grey eyes Adriana felt the breeze stand still. The world stopped for a second. A smell of fresh peppermint lingered in the doorway.