When Ben agreed to come to "the office" for his interview, he expected to be greeted by a short little man with glasses who would usher him into a tiny little room with a computer and maybe a few chairs inside. What Ben got was very different.
He stood on a wide pavement outside the doors of a multi-storey building fitted with floor to ceiling glass windows and filled with the offices of multiple different businesses. From his angle, Ben could see people lounging in their office chairs, or chatting on the phone or sneakily scratching their bums. Ben also saw two women having a fight in the centre of one square office, and realised they were teaching a class of younger boys and girls martial arts. Ben saw all this and more, and was somewhat scared of the busyness of the place but also put off by the man and woman who were competitively launching rubbers at each other from opposite sides of their own office, which was conveniently on one of the lower floors for the public's viewing pleasure. Ben was not used to such levels of professionalism and wondered if he too could perfect the art of being a successful businessperson and hard worker, like the two people in the office he stared in to.
Ben quickly ran into the building, suddenly realising that the people in the offices would watch him like the spy cameras did and then report his unusual (and what some people would take as perverted) behaviour to his future employers. Ben was so convinced of this idea that he almost had a heart attack but luckily the rubber people hit each other in the noses at that exact moment, and both experienced gushing nose bleeds. Ben was safe and the heart attack died down.
When Ben got to the reception desk, he was sweating. He had run all of ten yards to get from the pavement and into the main building and then in front of the receptionist, who looked at him like he was the scum on her shoe. Ben thought that all receptionists were supposed to be nice and welcoming, but was pleasantly surprised by this receptionist's more hostile attitude as it meant that the company he was going to work for had low standards and would be more likely to hire him as a result.
This thought filled Ben with such happiness that he almost jumped over the desk to congratulate the receptionist on her inferiority and lack of ability to excel at the job she was in, but he stopped himself at the last minute thinking it would make a bad impression if he showed his athletic skills. Ben knew for a fact that employers were not looking for people who were fit and healthy or those interested in sports. What if an employer needed their employee at a certain time, but that employee was at the gym improving their quality of life? It would be a disaster, Ben thought. Getting out of gym duties was always difficult, much more difficult than skipping a wedding or other family commitments. Thus Ben would prove his dedication to the company by abandoning all thoughts of physical activity and an improved quality of life and mental wellbeing, by not jumping over the desk.
He felt that he had crossed one hurdle in the job interview process and was on his way out of the building and back to his house when he realised he hadn't actually attended the interview, so he returned to the desk and rang the silver bell so that the receptionist would see him as someone needing something rather than just a twenty two year old man hanging around a multi-storey building as some people did.
"Hi!" Ben greeted cheerfully, showing just the right amount of teeth when he smiled. "I've come for an interview with a... Mr Humphrey Davis for the job that's just opened up in his company - Davis and Sons. I just wanted to know which office I should be going to for the interview."
The receptionist sat up reluctantly and dragged her gaze slowly over Ben, wondering why anyone would want to work for Humphrey Davis who was a well known businessman and someone who genuinely valued his employees. Then she shrugged and figured that she should perhaps work for her four pounds an hour and loaded up a list of the day's meetings, whilst popping a piece of bubblegum into her mouth. Her ability to multitask was what had gotten her the job in the first place.
YOU ARE READING
Junk Mail
HumorBen Hughes, a 22 year-old failure, has never known success. He's heard of it and he's dreamt of it, but it seems to have always slipped through his fingers. Taunted by his mother, and judged by the world, Ben decides to take matters into his own han...
