10th July 10:15pm
I just feel numb inside like nothing matters anymore
I always feel guilty, anxious and torn
My eyes fail to open and look at the beauty around
What beauty? It's not like it'll ever be found
My brain's constantly asking me what's the point
We all die anyways, why not now?
Sometimes I just want to believe everything everyone says
All the bad comments get bottled up for all the future days.
I have no talent, no friends, no love, no motivation or self esteem
My body can't be bothered, they won't work as a team
I crave love and attention from people who want to give it to me
Not from those who have to because they are 'friends' and family
My body is not ideal, it's ugly and full of guilty events
My heart is always cracking more, it's something you can't mend
Late night crying about everything wrong with life
I just wonder why I am still here and trying to fight
I could jump off a cliff or die in my sleep
Nothing would happen, everyone will one day meet
An easy life is everything that anyone could wish for
I want that, but I'm greedy and would ask for more
Food is my catharsis for all this shit happening
I won't tell anyone that the devil in this battle is winning
When you just finally lose interest in everything
And you can't be bothered to get up and do anything
You want to throw your life away and give up
When you want to live your life like a kicked pup
And you just lay there contemplating how
How you're still alive and living right now
Wishing life never existed, so nothing bad could ever happen
Suicidal thought swimming around your head again
You just blink and breath and blink and breath
You close your eyes and wish you could leave
Leave this horrible land of nightmares and sorrow
Hoping to go to sleep to wake up to no tomorrow.
