Don't Fall for Me

Part 46: Sorry Won't Cut It

*Ryker's POV*

Damn, finally I get a chance to tell my story. Angel's been stealing all my spotlight. Nah, just kidding.

I hated to see Angel upset, especially when it was my fault that she felt that way. I was surprised that she had forgiven me pretty easily after what I had done to her. I admit, it was wrong of me to tell her that I was going over Hannah's house just to spite her. I never actually went. That's the last thing I wanted to do that night when I had found Xander at her house.

The reason I got so angry when I saw him there, and this will sound stupid and lame, was because when Xander had been leaving her house, Angel had the most brilliant smile on her face and it was aimed right at him even though his back was to her.

I knew that boy made her happy, perhaps happier than I could ever make her because he held a special place in her heart. Having to share her heart with another guy just put me over the edge. So yes, you may call that jealousy.

When I realized how happy she was with Xander, I thought that she should just choose him, you know? It would be simpler that way and I knew they both loved each other. But Angel's love for him was different than his love for her and I hadn't noticed that until first period English class today when he had kissed her right in front of me and she hadn't made a move to kiss him back.

Nevertheless, I had been furious when I saw his lips on hers. Hannah was rubbing her body all over mine and I wanted to make Angel jealous like how I was of her, so I went along with it. God, I'd never want to intentionally hurt her. The truth was, I loved her so much that all I cared about was making her happy.

And if that meant getting her to hate me so she'd be with someone who made her feel that way, then I'd do it. And I'd do it a million times over again if that meant Xander would make her happy.

I know I keep saying "make her happy" and that's because it hurts me to ever see her feel depressed. I've caused so much pain to her by trying to get her to be with Xander ever since I found out his feelings. I mean I've also always known at the back of my mind that he felt this way, even way before Angel found out. I even sometimes get sidetracked about my mission of getting them together.

For instance, when I told her that I was in love with her. It wasn't exactly a mistake because she honestly does hold a piece of my heart, but it was wrong of me to admit it.

Just like Xander had said, our relationship didn't last and I had ended up hurting her when my jealousy got the better of me that night he had left her house with the DVD of All Aliens Return to Space 3 that I had given her. That was as if she had practically said, "Oh, I'm over Ryker. I'm in love with Xander," or something else along those lines if you get my point.

And now all I can think to myself is; Angel better not fall for him. I won't let that happen. It may be selfish of me to take her for myself knowing that Xander is the better man for her, but I need her in my life. She's my better half even if she wants to be or not.

If you have disagreed with or not liked everything I have just said and done, then that's fair. I deserve it. I thought I was doing the right thing when in reality I was just hurting the one person I truly cared about.

Knowing Angel, she probably has an ulterior motive for forgiving me right away. She probably is going to force me to make up for what I've done. So that's why I've gone ahead and started before she got the chance to torment me about it.