Loving Cassie

Amnesia

A.M.N.E.S.I.A

He was standing beside the front door as I crept out of Walker's room, his hands tucked into the pockets of his wrinkled charcoal colored trousers. I took a minute to study him as I cracked the door to our son's room. He looked a little disheveled at the moment, as if he'd been running his fingers through his hair relentlessly; a nervous habit he had. There were bags under his crystal blue eyes, a sign that he hadn't been sleeping again. I didn't need the bags to tell me he hadn't been sleeping; he hardly ever came to bed with me anymore. He was barely present when he was home. More distressing, he had nearly a week's worth of stubble growing off of his face, something that I hadn't seen on him since we got together in college. My husband had never been the type to not take care of himself properly, and his lack of personal grooming was a sign that something was wrong. I wondered if it was something with work. His job as a divorce attorney was one that kept him busy and highly stressed. Maybe it was time for a vacation? 

"Honey?" I whispered finally, closing Walker's bedroom door softly before I made my to his side. I didn't want to straight off ask what was wrong because I knew he'd try to avoid the conversation, so I'd wait patiently until he was ready. Unfortunately, I didn't know that tonight would be different than the other nights. I didn't know he'd break routine and come right out and tell me exactly what he was feeling. I pressed my body to his when I got close enough, trying to comfort him in the only way I knew how. My hands rested on his waist and caressed him through the fabric of his shirt, the one I'd pressed just this morning for him. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a brief look of uncertainty in his eyes, but ignored it as I cuddled into him a little more, placing a kiss softly on the white cloth above where his heart lay. Butterflies danced in my belly, the flutter causing me to smile faintly as I thanked God again for the man who had given me the small angel that was currently asleep in his bed. Instead of saying anything or asking me to move, Dalton placed his hands on my upper arms and pushed lightly causing me to move back a few steps. This wasn't something Dalton normally did, especially when he felt down. He was the type that craved affection when something bothered him.

"I'm leaving you, Cassidy." He said suddenly, running a hand through his dark blond hair in that damnable habit of his. It took me a moment to fully process what he had said, and when I finally realized it, I took another step back. To say I was surprised was a bit of an understatement, but I gave no outward sign of upset. Instead of yelling at him, screaming, or throwing anything, I simply nodded and looked him over once more, tamping down on the urge to sit down and cry my eyes out. I noticed the wrinkled state of his clothes, how instead of worn, they looked crumpled carelessly. Suddenly, my eyes zeroed in on a smudge of coral lipstick on inward part of his collar. It all came together with a quick clarity.

I knew without a doubt why he was leaving me without even asking, and I knew for who. I knew what she looked like, I knew what she sounded like, I knew her birthday, her favorite color, I knew her dislikes, I knew her damn bra size. Because I knew her better than I knew myself. She wasn't just my best friend, but my sister. The woman I'd spent the last eleven years trying to raise, to keep out of trouble. The one I'd always tried to help no matter what.

"Carrie?" I croaked out, swallowing the rising wave of hysteria in my chest. I couldn't tell anyone how I knew it was her, but I did. Without a doubt I knew it was my younger sister that he was leaving me for. When we were first together I knew that he'd had a slight crush on her, but I never thought it would escalate past that. Hell, I honestly though the was over it. Especially since I'd given him the only thing he'd ever asked for. A son. I'd given birth to Walker not even six months ago and now Dalton was telling me he was leaving.

"Yeah." He said softly, watching me carefully as if I were going to jump him. "I'm sorry, Cass. I love you, I do. You'll always be my first love and the mother of our son, but I'm not in love with you, and I've been fighting this attraction to Carrie since the moment I met her. I've never hidden that from you. But, I can't anymore, there's just something about her. She's just so... Carrie, y'know?" He said simply, as if that explained everything that I needed to know. What hurt more was looking into those gorgeous blue orbs and seeing the love that was so apparent. The way her name simply made his whole face light up. It was a look I'd never seen before. One he'd never gotten when peoples aid my name, when I was walking into a room.

"How long, Dalton?" I asked lowly, staring down at my bright blue socks instead of up at him. It was cowardly, but I knew if I looked into his eyes, I'd likely begin to cry and I didn't want to show him that weakness. I needed to know more than I needed to know why he wasn't content with me anymore. I had a gnawing feeling in my gut and I was praying that I was wrong. I listened to him take in a deep breath before I looked back up. A sense of trepidation filled my stomach and I couldn't fight the overwhelming wave of nausea clawing at me.

"I, uh," He began nervously, something that used to make my heart skip a beat, but now only served to infuriate and fill me full of dread. I suddenly knew why he came home so damn drunk nearly a year and a half ago, why he was so insistent on trying one more time for a baby. I suddenly knew why when he climaxed he called out my baby sister's name and not mine. Why he'd loved me so tenderly -- behaved so out of character. 

"Oh, God. You screwed her the night we conceived Walker, didn't you?" The hysteria I felt bled into my voice and I couldn't hide it now, he knew what he'd done. It was clear in the way his eyes widened as I continued to speak. "And you were so guilty you got drunk then came home and you -- you fucked me." It came out as a whisper but it was so clear now, the whole night. Dalton was never the type to make love, he was never the type to take his time, but that night he had. He'd taken his time, he'd been slow and attentive. He'd kissed me lovingly and told me how much I meant to him, how much he loved me. He'd been someone different than the man I was used to and part of me had cherished it.

"Cassie, I'm so sorry." He chocked out, taking a step toward me as if he were going to comfort me. I recoiled. How dare he try to touch me? My heart rate shot up and I couldn't help but let out a slow screech of anger. Who the fuck did he think he was?

"You called her name when you came and I never said a damned word, Dalton. Not once did I say anything about how much it hurt me." And I hadn't, never even hinted at it. I was too ecstatic when I'd found out that I was finally pregnant with his child. I'd tucked that night away in my mind and never brought it up again, that is until just now. I had wanted to put it behind us, I had thought that we were okay. Sure, he'd been a little distant since the birth of our son, but I figured it was hard for him to share the attention he was used to having all to himself. Now I knew the truth of it, it wasn't jealousy or even getting used to being a father, he was off screwing my sister. My thinner, prettier, younger, non-stretch marked baby sister.

"I-" But instead of allowing him to say anything, I simply shook my head and raised my quivering hand. I had no want to hear a single excuse come from his lips, instead, sighed and said something I never thought I'd say.

 "Pack and get out of the house, Dalton." With that, I turned and made my way back to Walker's room, never once letting Dalton see the tears sliding down my face.