elevators

t h i r t e e n

phil

"we first met at interact club at my school, when i was fifteen, and he was the charming kind, you know, the one that just sweeps you off your feet at one go," he sighed, leaning back as my fingers rubbed circles on the back of his hand.

"he approached me first, and we hit it right off. he was like you, in some ways," he looked at me briefly before going back to staring at the ceiling again. "he had this thing about him where he laughed with his tongue resting between his teeth and how he just spoke random facts without any context. he made me laugh, and that was what i loved about him. he made me happy, more than any person had ever made me and i could tell him anything and everything and he never judged me." he pauses to take a short breath.

"we were the kind of people that the school made fun of for always staying with each other, we were everyone's 'best friend goals', as lame as that sounds," he laughs slightly before withdrawing one of his hands and running it through his messy hair. his glossy eyes meet mine for a moment and i give him a small smile, slotting my finger's through his and squeezing them tightly before he begins to speak again.

"and it continued, everything was great and we were best friends and i didn't even know when a whole year passed. i knew him inside out by the time we both were sixteen and both of our mums became basically best friends." he smiled at the memory, gently rubbing his eyes to get rid of the moisture pooling in them.

"it was new year when he told me that he had feelings for me and i was ecstatic. i mean, what could be better than to be in a relationship with your best friend? we had everything sorted, we had even decided what dog we would have when we grew up and where we will live and which universities we would go to. it was like a sweet dream, and just like any other it came to an end," he sighs, the first few tears slipping past his eyes and my chest tightens at the sight of his flushed cheeks and quivering lips.

"it's okay," i murmur softly and he nods, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"i-i had depression ever since i was twelve and sometimes it was better, it even went away completely for as long as an year but then it came back stronger, hitting me straight into reality." he pauses. "and he didn't know about it."

"he didn't know about my issues and i didn't know whether i was supposed to tell him or not. it's not like this was something new to me, but it was new to him. he wasn't used to the person who constantly had suicidal thoughts or the person who was desperate and needy twenty-four seven. he didn't know me when i was paranoid and anxious and it wasn't his fault really," his voice cracks somewhere in the middle and his eyes drop shut, his cheeks stained with constantly flowing tears.

"he tried asking me what was wrong but i just shut him out, i didn't want him to leave after seeing how problematic i was. i wanted him to stay because i loved him," he sniffs, breaking into soft sobs and he presses his face into his palms. i sigh, scooting forward and pulling his lean body towards me, embracing him in a comforting hug and he just grips the bottom of my shirt lightly, burying his face in my shoulder and crying.

"i didn't want him to leave," he cries and i run my hand softly up and down his spine.

"but that's exactly what he did,"

--

2 more chapters until this book ends!

but fear not, i come to the rescue with a new book :) #cheekyspon

radio//phan: where dan is a struggling music artist and phil is a cocky, successful and a sexually frustrated producer

check it out pls