Chapter 1

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"Nag," My mom knocks on my door then opens it. "I have your lunch." She sits on my bed. I sigh and take the blanket off my head so she can see my face. "I made your favorite." She raises the plate.

"Steak and yellow rice?"

"Yep." I sit up and take the plate. "Feel any better?"

"Same as yesterday."

"You have to let go eventually." I don't reply and just eat my food. "Nag. You know you can't just go through the two emotions for the rest of your life. One day you spend depressed reminiscing, the next you spend throwing darts at that poster. Sad, mad, sad, mad, that's all to your life." She points to his face that has a dart in each eye. "Let's open up these curtains." She lets the light shine through.

"Nooooo, it's too bright, ma." I squint and turn away.

"You need some vitamin D and not from Sunny D." She picks up one of the bottles and tosses it in my trash. "You nearly never go outside except to get a few rocks then you run back inside. What do you do with them anyway?"

"First of all, I run back inside because you try to lock me out just so I can get more 'vitamin D' in my system." I raise my fingers in quotation marks. "Second of all, I crush the rocks and make layers of the different colors in this jar." I point to it.

"Nagely, do you hear yourself talking right now? You sound like a crazy person. You can't keep living like this." She trashes two tissues from my counter. "All you do is run on the treadmill to get rid of anger, sleep, eat, and collect rock dust in an old pickle jar. Might I add, you finished the pickles in one hour and drank all the juice."

"I also shower."

"Honey, you take cold showers because you said it matches how you feel inside. You need help?" She chuckles. "You can't be depressed forever over this one guy."

"I'm not depressed, ok." I try to defend myself.

"Then what are you, because it's kinda hard to tell from all the hair in your face." She pushes my hair back.

"I'm totally ok, there's nothing wrong with me, at all. I'm fine." I take a huge bite of my food.

"No you're not, just stop denying so you can feel better."

"Give me one good reason to show that I'm not ok."

"Every time the neighbor comes over you hide just because he's a boy. The first time you literally froze like a deer then sprinted upstairs like you were the girl Flash." She laughs.

"Did I say one? I meant three."

"You collect rock dust in a jar and throw darts at a poster of your ex-boyfriend." My mom easily tells me.

"Five." I lick the remaining food off my plate.

"You have your own personal freezer full of five cartons of Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream in your closet and you've had The Fault in Our Stars on repeat for two weeks." She turns off my TV.

"Ten."

"Nagely, I'm not just gonna name all the strange things you do because you're heart broken, I need the rest of my day. Just try to talk with your friends."

"I don't have any friends. They all got tired of trying to heal all of this." I point to myself. "And it's not like I can make new friends anyway." My mom sighs.

"Well, if you need anything, just tell me." She starts to leave.

"Wait, mom," She turns around with a hopeful smile. "can you buy me a new punching bag?"

"Oh my goodness, Nagely, that's the third one you've gone through." She closes my door. I need some ice cream. I go to my freezer and grab one of my cartons and my big spoon. It is too bright in here. I close my curtains then turn on my TV. Ugh, why is normal TV on? My finger starts to go to the DVD button but stops.

Wait, who is that? Why does he look so familiar? And wait, is that my neighbor with him? Hey, this is that talk show for celebrities.

"Nage-" My mom comes in but gets distracted by what's on my TV. "You're watching something other than the same sad movie, what a miracle." She takes a closer look at the three boys on the screen. "That's Devin, the little sweet boy that lives next to us. And is that Kevin?"

"Who's Kevin?" I eat a spoonful of ice cream.

"You don't remember? You probably don't recognize him, wow, he's grown so much. You two used to be the best of friends, your bond was so cute. Debbie and I always loved to watch you guys play. You and Kev never put anything but each other first. It's been seven years since you guys last seen each other."

"Oooohhhhh, Kevin. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Yes, I think I remember him. Kevin! I remember him! How could I forget? So he's famous now?"

"I guess so. You always used to sing with him when you were younger. I haven't kept in touch with his mom but I'm not surprised he took his talent seriously and made it his dream. Oh, Kevin." She sits in my bed.

"I wish I could see him again." I mindlessly say. My mom turns to me with wide eyes and a wide smile. "Wait, no I don't, he's a male. I do not want to see him." I eat another big bite.

"You said it, Nag."

"Well, you heard wrong because I don't want to see him nor any other male ever except for Augustus and other males in this movie." I change the TV to DVD mode and it plays The Fault in Our Stars like it always has been.

"Your wish is my command." She gets up.

"Mom, seriously stop. If I see him, I promise you I'm running away."

"You'll be getting fresh air and run somewhere other than the treadmill. So win-win." She closes my door.

"Mommy!" I yell to her. Oh jeez.

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