Don't Die A Second Time (Bleach Fanfiction)

Chapter 8

Chapter 8: What is this Fuckery...?


Words in ITALIC are said in English~!




*Haley's POV*
It's been two weeks since we've gotten out of the hospital... I'm still Sasuke Uchiha, a senior in Karakura high school, and I'm currently beating the shit out of Keigo.

Dumb bastard tried to hit on Devan again...

"Swear it!" I hissed angrily, squeezing the insufferable mass of idiocy with my fingers around his neck.

"Gack! I- I swear, Sasuke-San! I won't hit on Devan-San!" He choked out. I dropped him to the floor.

"Good. Keep your slimey paws off my friend." I threatened, returning to my seat calmly. Tatsuki and I bumped fists as I passed.

As I sat back at my desk, I made a hand motion to the teacher.

"You can continue now." I said sweetly. With a dramatic sigh, she started her lecture once again. Ignoring her lesson completely, seeming it was AP Calculus, I resorted to staring out of the window, watching the sakura trees blow in the wind.

"Renji, can we stay for the Sakura Festival this weekend?" I heard Rukia ask the moronic red-head.

"Eh? I don't know... We'll have to ask our captains." He replied quietly. (For once...)

"Oohh~, Sasuke-kun! Will, your brother let you come?" Rukia asked. The amazingly-adorable-midget-Reaper still didn't know that I was actually Heirii Meiryu.

"No. My brother and I are going to the Shiga district to see our cousins for the holidays. Though Heirii-Chan promised to try and save some manjyu for me." Devan snorted.

"Haley obviously doesn't realize that there are red beans in manjyu buns." She laughed.

"WHAT?!" I yelled, wanting to cry. I HATE RES BEANS!!!

"Yeah... You didn't know that...?" Ichigo asked, watching me curiously. I quickly caught my cool and smirked.

"Oh, no. I knew that. I was just surprised Heirii didn't know." I replied smoothly. Uryu groaned slightly, seeing that everyone believed me.

"IF YOU KIDS WOULDN'T MIND! I'D LIKE TO TEACH MY CLASS WITHOUT ANY INTERRUPTIONS!" Mrs. Ochi yelled. I ducked down my head along with the rest of the group. "THANK YO-"

She was cut off by the phone on the desk.

"WHAT?!" She screamed at it. Then realizing her mistake, took a deep breath then answered. "Misato Ochi." She said as we all snickered silently.

"I wonder if they heard her from the office..." I smirked.

"Uchiha, you're needed in the office. You as well, Burekuru." She told us, hanging up the phone.

"Eh? The both of you?" Renji asked confused.

"Thank you, Mrs. Ochi." I said as I gathered my books and swung my bag onto my shoulder.

"Don't mention it... Ever..." She sighed. I chuckled quietly and walked out of the room with Devan.

"What do you think this is all about?" My friend asked.

"Couldn't tell you. And even if I did know... What... the... fuckery...?" I stopped in the doorway to the main office to see my mom, brother, sister, and some weird guy in a beige and green outfit with a fugly hat.

"Oh! Hello, Devan! Where's Haley? Is this some kind of buddy system? I thought you were in the same class..." My mother said. My sister, Hanna, being the total attention whore she is, came up to me and smiled.

"Hey, cutie, what's your name?" Hanna flirted, twirling her long, dirty blond hair in between her fingers.

"Devan Ich glaube, meine Nase wird bluten... (Devan I think my nose is going to bleed...)" I said in German. My sister turned bright red, realizing who I was by the language I spoke as Devan burst into tears and fell to the ground laughing. Don't get me wrong, I didn't say this because my sister is cute or adorable... I said it because I couldn't tell if I was blushing too hard, or I just needed to puke my guts out.

"That is so gross! I just tried to hit on my sister!!!" My fifteen year old sister cried, hiding her face in her hands.

"Damn straight you little brat! Do you realize it took every ounce of energy I had not to puke on you! And what the fuck are you wearing?! You look like some whoring tramp from Miami!" I commented on her spaghetti strap tank top and short shorts. Thankfully, she also had an pink kimono top on that had lollipops all over it. The man in the fugly hat laughed slightly as my mom and siblings stared at me confused.

"Would you like me to translate that for you?" He asked my mother politely in English.

"Do it and I will castrate you with a dull wooden spoon, while I feed you to starving wolves, and then I'll burn your testicles with some of Hell's raging fires." I threatened him darkly. The man laughed slightly and backed away, taking my warning to heart as he said,

"On second thought... I didn't really understand half of what she said... It was sort of gibberish. Sorry..." He apologized. Devan chuckled.

"Wait... Haley?" My mom asked, looking at me.

"Hi Mommy~!" I sang. At first, she looked like she was going to be sick, but after I took off my wig and stuffed it into my bag, she sighed in relief.

"Oh, Thank God..." She smiled. "Anyway~! We're here to visit for the Sakura Festival! Your father and I came to an agreement that if you didn't want to come to America for your summer, we would come here for a holiday! And I always wanted to see what a cherry blossom tree looked like. They're all so beautiful." She went off into a daze, leaving me and Devan to introduce ourselves to the man with the fugly hat.

"Hello, I'm Heirii Meiryu, or Haley Meyers." I greeted, bowing slightly. "Sorry for threatening you earlier." I grinned cheekily.

"Oh, it's alright. Bonus for you though, I actually believed you would do it." The man smiled back, pulling out a random paper fan.

"Good. Just so you know, I always carry a box of matches with me." I said, pulling out the box and showing it to him.

"Ah, geez... Ignore her. She uses those to burn her science homework. I'm Devan Burekuru. Formally known as Devan Brooks." Devan said, giving her salutations in a cheery manner.

"And I'm Kisuke Urahara~!" The freak now had a name. But man with the fugly hat still sounded appealing to me.

"Try hard." I joked, earning a slap to the throat from my friend. I coughed slightly, which soon sent me into a hacking fit.

"SORRY!" Devan cried, helping me stand.

"What's wrong with her?!" My brother, Jonathan, asked worriedly.

"If I heard correctly from my friend, the owner of the clinic, Haley has been diagnosed with tuberculosis." Kisuke replied seriously, handing me some kind of pill. In a panic, with the fear of my siblings and mother seeing me cough up blood, I took the pill and swallowed it whole. After a few more dry releases of air, I felt the pressure on my chest disappear almost instantly.

"Thank you..." I said, severely confused. It normally took me at least thirty minutes to stop coughing that hard after taking a pill, not ten seconds...

"You're welcome." He replied kindly, seeming more relaxed now that I wasn't hacking so much. I looked over to my family, seeing them in a fearful state.

"Don't look at me like that. Geez... I've got like, a thousand years on me yet!" I grinned cheekily. Devan stepped into my line of view and hugged me.

"You turned all power-mode again... Almost like when we exploded before... Be careful..." She whispered in my ear. "I'm so sorry!" She said a bit more loudly. I nodded in understanding to her first statement and smiled.

"You're fine. It was an accident." I replied calmly, patting her back. Glancing over her shoulder, I watching Kisuke Urahara fiddle with some walkie talkie like thing. It looked a bit like Renji's, but slightly outdated.

"Well, that blew over quickly!" My mom said cheerfully. She is such a happy-go-lucky person. If her favorite pet died, she'd be sad for a few hours, then smile and say, "He'd want me to be happy!'' But then again... She's also a huge fraud...

"Yeah, strangely enough..." I commented quietly.

"Oh! Devan! Your dad gave me permission to steal you away later after school. I'm bringing Haley with me, then after school, I'll take you to the mall. It's been a while since I've gotten to spend time with her. Plus, Hanna and Jonathan will be with their father." My mom said.

"What for?!" I whined, I hate shopping with a passion. It bothers me...

"Kimonos of course!" The woman chirped. I started screaming internally. The look on my face must have said everything. And Devan hates going to big shopping centers with only two companions. So she did the logical thing...

"Can I invite a few friends of ours?"

'DEVAN BRODY YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!!!!!!!' I screamed mentally, throwing daggers at her with my telekinesis.

"Sure! The more the merrier!" My mother sang.

"She's worse than Orihime and Chizuru combined! How could you ask them to spend time with her?!" I asked. Devan cringed slightly and shrugged.

"I'll see you later, Hei-Chan! Bye Mrs. Meyers~!" Devan said, skipping out of the room. I noticed Kisuke watching after her.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE LOOKING AT, PERVERT?!" He looked over at me with a cheeky grin.

"Nothing~!" He replied. "Hey, Gabby, I've actually got some paperwork to print out back at my shop. So Haley will have to translate for you and I'll have to catch up with you later, 'kay?" The man asked in fluent English.

"Oh, okay Kisuke. See you later." My mom said. My siblings ran up to hug him.

"Ahaha, don't worry. I'll see you guys back at the shop later." He laughed returning their hugs.

"Bye~!" They said as he walked out of the office.

"So how do you know him again...?" I asked in an irritated fashion.

"Oh, we used to work together when he lived in America!" My mom replied cheerfully. Though she sounded as if she was telling the truth, I could hear a bit of deceit in her voice as well...


-----2 Hours Later-----
*Heirii's POV*
"If any of you fucking laugh, I'll kill you..." I said to my friends. Ichigo, Chad, Orihime, Uryu, Rukia, and surprisingly, Renji, all came with Devan to hang out at the mall and go kimono shopping with my mother and I. Thankfully, my siblings weren't here to annoy the crap out of me.

As soon as my mother got me out of school, she forced me into a horrifyingly girly outfit.

I was now wearing a pair of sliming, deep blue skinny jeans, a cotton-candy pink long sleeve shirt, a white cotton beanie, and wooden sandals.

Queue my internally screaming here...

Renji was the first to crumble.

"BWAHAHAHAHA! You look like a girl!" He cried, hunching over and clutching his stomach. I punched him on the back of the head.

"TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" I yelled.

"HALEY NICOLE! Is that anyway to treat your friends?!" My mother scolded.

"But... But mommy... He said I looked like I belonged in a circus!" I fake cried. Devan smacked the back of my head.

"Liar! He said you looked like a girl!" She yelled.

"Traitor!"

"Hypocrite!"

"*loud gasp* Devan... How could you...?!" I pouted.

"Geez, one of you is bad, the two of you together is Hell on earth..." Ichi-Nii complained. Devan and I hugged him from each side.

"We love you too Ichi-Nii!" We sang happily. My mother chuckled, watching us closely.

"Oh! Mom, I'd like you to meet my friends! You already know Devan! This is Ichigo, or Strawberry. This is Uryu, or Duckling, as Devan and I are teaching him our ways. This is Rukia, short but fierce. Orihime, or Princess Muffins as I call her. Chad, Yasutora Sado, our Japanese Mexican unicorn. And Renji, the Pinappuru-Baka." I introduced in English, thought letting Renji know I called him an idiot.

"Hey!" He growled.

"Guys, this is my mom. Gabrielle Meyers!" Everyone bowed respectfully to her, making her laugh.

"Devan, please tell them they don't have to bow." My mom said.

"Why couldn't I do it?" I pouted.

"Because you would tell them to bow deeper." Devan retorted.

"True enough." I shrugged. "So what's first?" I asked.

"That Ferris wheel looks fun..." My mom replied, pointing at the giant red and yellow wheel in the middle of the mall. I facepalmed.

"I'm going to cry..." I frowned. Telling everyone my mom wanted to try the Ferris wheel before we did anything else, I turned on my heel to leave.


-----One Eventful Ride Later-----
*Devan's POV*
"That was entertain- Haley get your butt back here!" I yelled, seeing my best friend attempting to sneak off into the crowd. Upon me calling her name, she tried to run faster, but was caught by Chad, who carried her back over on his shoulder.

"Got her." He said in his super awesome baritone voice. Haley was probably comparing his butt to Germany's... (From Hetalia!)

"Yup, I'm screwed." She sighed dramatically. Her mom waited beside us as we waited for Ichigo and Rukia to get off the ride. Haley, Mrs. Meyers, and I were in the same cabin. Uryu, Orihime, Chad and Renji shared a cabin as well for the ride. It was only going to be a moment more before Heirii got to make a sexual comment towards the Strawberry and Midget.

"Finally!" Ichigo cried as he exited the cart. He looked a bit red as he stepped off, as did Rukia.

"Finally is right! You two finally got to first base! But seriously Ichi, I was expecting you to go for a home run..." This earned my friend a punch to the back of the head from Rukia after Chad set her back on the ground.

"You are unbelievable!" The midget complained, ending her statement with a smile.

"Rukia! You're back! I missed you so much!!!" Heirii cried, leaping back to her feet and glomping Rukia.

"Yeah. Uh huh..." The short girl scoffed. Heirii's mom giggled.

"You guys are so close, even after such a short time." She smiled. I translated for her, and every smiled at each other. Well, except for Heirii and Renji who deliberately glared at each other and punched each other in the sides lightly. (A/N: Notice how I say lightly? Yeah, they're starting to loosen up)...

"Can we finish now. There is way~ too much testosterone in the air here..." Renji put Heirii in a headlock, and Uryu face-palmed when Orihime asked what she meant by that. I was surprised when her mother said,

"Haley Nicole! Have you no decency?!" Heirii's fierce gaze instantly turned to me, not knowing I hadn't said anything.

"Sorry mommy..." She pouted. Her mother nodded and patted my head.

'What is this fuckery?!' I thought mentally.

"Oh well, what's done is done... Shall we go searching for kimonos now?" Her mother smiled cheerfully. Heirii translated, pretending nothing happened. Smirking at her behavior, everyone followed, leaving me to trail behind like a lost puppy.

'Is this what she meant when she once old me her mother was a fraud...?' I thought to myself as the girls and the boys split into groups.

Luckily for Ichi-Nii and Rukia, Haley failed to notice their little "kiss on the cheek" exchange, before we headed separate ways.


*Third Person's POV*
"You are so not putting me in anything remotely close to pink. I don't care what you say." Heirii said to her mother, her light brown hair brushing against her shoulders as she turned her head away from the light red kimono in her mother's arms.

"Oh, come on, Hales! Please?" The girl glanced at her friend and shook her head again.

"Nope."

"What's the problem?" The short, black haired, Soul Reaper in disguise asked her new friends, seeing they were arguing in a language she couldn't understand.

"Heirii won't trying anything with pink or yellow or any other girly color known to mankind..." Devan replied, her hair swaying around her hips as she glanced towards the other girls.

"Oh! I have an idea!" Orihime squealed as she flitted away.

"Should I scream internally?" The resentful teenager asked monotonously. Rukia shrugged and sighed, going off to search for the perfect kimono that would make her love interest's eyes pop out of his skull. Though it also has to be appropriate for the weather and such.

"Oh my, that looks amazing Princess Muffins!" Heirii almost chocked on saliva as her mother used the made-up nickname she made on the spot for Orihime.

"You are a horrible person." Devan and Rukia said together as the girl screamed silently in laughter.

"Haley! Look a this!" Heirii's mother said as she came around the corner. Sighing, Heirii looked up, only to have her heart flutter at the sight of the beautiful kimono her mother was carrying gently in her arms.

"..." The girls were all struck speechless as Orihime and Mrs. Meyers gushed over the Japanese dress.

It was a beautiful shade of forest green, with a deep purple obi. The pattern on the kimono were dark colored floral patterns and swirls on the sleeves and trim. It was in fact, a jaw dropper.

"Well... It's not horrible..." Heirii said to her mother, her face turning pink in embarrassment. Devan smiled widely and squealed girlishly before telling Orihime that their friend accepted the kimono.

"That was a great find, Orihime!" Devan gushed. Said girl blushed slightly and ducked her head shyly.

"Thank you." The ginger replied happily.

"Would you like me to help you find a kimono, Orihime?" Heirii asked her friend.

"Oh, no thanks. I'm wearing my mother's old kimono. It'll finally fit me this year!" The girl cheered. Both ex-Americans looked down at the girl's chest and sighed drastically.

"God bless you, Hime-Chan..." Heirii said seriously. Devan nodded in agreement.

"Hey, Haley? Do you think you could try it on?" Heirii's mother asked timidly. Blanching, the girl tried to make a run for it, but was stopped by Devan and Orihime.

"Dab nabbit! Release me!"

"Sorry, couldn't hear you." Devan said.

"Please try it on, Heirii-San..." Orihime said, as if afraid to be apprehended.

"Ah fine!"

And so, all the girls got their kimonos. Some of which remained to be seen, and some that had hearts fluttering upon first sight.

Oh what fun the festival will be...











************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~************

THERE! I updated! Eat pocky and be happy~!
-Ashlynn Jones




If you got the vibe that Ash is angrier than normal, you're actually hitting the nail on the head. Please, ignore her... She's in a bad mood because her mother lied about the reason she was in the hospital and Ashley's kind of upset her mother doesn't think she's old enough to handle the truth...
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the new chappy~
-Starr Fire