Irresistible Danger

Operation Dwight

                  

You watched Dwight for the rest of dinner, going back and forth from the kitchen to the cafeteria and refilling water glasses as an excuse to keep checking on him. However, you didn't see anything suspicious; he was even pleasant when you went over to fill up his glass, saying thanks and giving a quick smile before returning to his food. You weren't overly surprised; in fact, you sincerely doubted that you'd be able to find much of anything on Dwight in the few days Negan would be gone. If Negan couldn't figure out what Dwight was up to, what made him think that you could do so?

After dinner was finished, you considered wandering outside to watch the men pack up for the supply run. Knowing that you just wanted to get a glimpse of Negan before he left, you decided it was a ridiculous idea and so instead spent the evening in your room attempting to read more of The Scarlet Letter. Concentration was impossible, and after repeating the same sentence about a dozen times you gave up and laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling. You wondered if Negan had left yet or if he was still outside barking orders at the men.

You also wondered what it would be like to go on a supply run, to be in a vehicle again and see sights other than this compound. Even though it was dangerous, part of you would love to join in on the excitement, even if it was just to scavenge an abandoned town or take prepared goods from an occupied one. However, you doubted Negan would ever let you tag along, no matter how many rounds of chess you won.

The next day didn't provide any better results for what you were now mentally referring to as "Operation Dwight." You had seen him only once in the afternoon, and he was entering the men's shower area at the same time that you were leaving the women's area. There was nothing weird about that, and the only other time you saw him was again at dinner, where he ate alone and only engaged in the minimal conversation of saying hello and thank you when you served him a dinner plate.

It wasn't until the second day after Negan had left that you finally struck gold.

You started the day by heading down to the kitchen bright and early. You had been unable to sleep as well the past couple nights and reluctantly admitted that it was because your thoughts kept drifting to Negan. You wondered if he was currently safe or if his confrontation with Rick had backfired. Wanting to distract yourself, you insisted on helping with breakfast in order to pass the time.

After helping serve breakfast and clean up, Ben invited you to hang with him outside. Since you rarely got to spend any quality time with him outside of the kitchen, mostly because it was almost impossible to tear him away from it, you jumped at the opportunity to get him outside for some fresh air.

The two of you sat across from one another at a picnic table in front of the compound and chatted casually about random topics. Some of the topics were light-hearted and fun, such as discussing what TV shows and restaurants you missed from before the apocalypse. There were also deeper, more serious conversations, such as brainstorming what could've caused the walkers and what kind of cures might still be found, if there were any scientists left alive. Ben was convinced that there was a research team underground somewhere furiously working on a cure. While you had some serious doubts about that, his excitement and positivity were definitely contagious, so you nodded and went along with his theory.

This was one of the reasons why you liked Ben so much, and why your friendship with him worked. He was such an optimistic and caring person, plus you could be both joking and serious with him without feeling as though he was going to judge you. Also, despite Negan's accusation, you didn't feel any type of sexual attraction with Ben. It was a comfortable friendship, and one you felt lucky to have in such times.

However, you still had a dull throb of guilt in your chest when thinking about your dishonesty towards Ben in regards to Negan. Much as you wanted to confide in Ben, your deep-rooted distrust still kept him at a distance. While he had broken down most of your walls with his unwavering friendship these past couple months, there was still a metaphorical chain link fence keeping you from trusting him enough to discuss Negan. At this point you had told so many lies in order to keep your interactions with Negan a secret that you hoped it never backfired on you or negatively impacted your friendship with Ben.