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it was almost three am when phil finished hanging the final glass bauble on the branch and sighing out loud, averting his gaze towards the younger boy who was fixing another ornament, avoiding phil at all costs.

he did not blame dan. the past two hours were full of accidental touches and awkward eye contact. the living room was uncomfortably warm, and phil noticed the sweat beading on dan's forehead, his hair sticking to the skin slightly. his lips were pursed and his fingers fiddling with the plastic to refrain from conversation, the dim lighting of the room causing his skin to glow.

five minutes later they were heading to the bedrooms again, dan following phil upstairs. dan watched as phil pushed open the door to his room, bending over to retrieve a t-shirt from his bag.

it didn't seem like earlier today they were cuddling on the couch together, or sending each other cute pictures on snapchat. everything had changed so drastically between that it gave dan a whiplash.

"are you sleeping in martyn's room again?" dan questioned, breaking the silence, his voice soft and tired and slightly croaky. he wanted phil to stay, to tell him what's wrong.

his mind had been racing ever since phil rejected their kiss, wondering what the reason could have been for his cold dismissal. was phil not attracted to him anymore or was he still planning on leaving him? has he fallen out of love? has he stopped feeling the same way? has he found someone better?

the possibilities were endless, irrational, probably not even true but were the only explanations that came to dan's mind.

"um, y-yeah, i mean, yeah," phil stuttered a bit, interrupting dan's chain of thought and walked slowly towards the door.

phil wanted to stay with him, he wanted to bury his face in dan's neck and inhale the familiar scent and he wanted dan to tell him that they were okay, that maybe what phil was thinking was wrong. he needed help, needed dan to hold him and tell him that it was all in his chaotic mind and that it wasn't true. that they could be fine, could be like before.

"phil?" the older boy turned his head slightly to look at him, fingers still grabbing the door knob.

"c-can you stay?" dan's tone was reluctant, like he was testing the waters. his eyes drifted away from phil, waiting for the expected rejection but instead he just heard phil sigh, taking a few steps back from the door and nervously scratching his head.

"are you comfortable with that?" phil asked, not sure if it was the best idea to stay with dan right now considering what happened a few hours ago, but he could not break dan's heart further when he was trying to fix the distance between them.

"yeah, that's why i asked," dan gave him a small smile, and phil just looked away from the dimpled boy, sighing once again and grabbing the hem of his sweatshirt, pulling it off and replacing it with the thin t-shirt in his hand. he could feel dan's gaze lingering on him, but he ignored it, climbing on the bed next to dan and sitting a fair distance away from him.

they both had so much to talk about, so much to say but yet again they both fell silent, no words escaping their mouths. instead, dan wished phil a good night, to which phil just nodded, both laying down on the opposite ends and facing away from each other.

there was a boundless gap between them that night, and instead of heavy breathing, and tangled legs it was just empty sheets and racing minds, full of unspoken thoughts.

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(slightly important)
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to anyone who's asking about radio, yes i unpublished it for a while bc i was really paranoid and it wasn't well written according to me so when i get over it, i'll publish it again (:

also, thAnKS FOR 970K OMG ITS SO CLOSE TO 1 MILLION IM GONNA KMS

also to any of you who have eVER thought about making fanart for this fic, pLEASE GO ON WITH IT AND SEND IT TO ME ON IG OR SNAPCHAT OR KIK PLS PLS

also would you vote for me if i entered the wattys2016 ??? :/