Nothing to Lose (BWWM)

Thirty One

"Vincent, are you uh, are you gonna wear pants today?"

Marco waited patiently for an answer, staring at the back of his cousin's head.

"Wasn't planning on it." He answered curtly, sipping some more of the dark amber liquid in his glass.

Rolling his eyes, Marco checked the time and prepared to leave for work. "It's 9am and you're drinking already? Really?"

He raised his glass without turning around to meet Marco's eyes as he sat in front of the TV. "Really."

"Melisa and I are going out to dinner tonight. Do you want to come with us?"

Vincent stood in just his boxers as he walked towards the bar to refill his glass. "You're taking her to dinner?"

"Yeah. I always take her to dinner - she likes that stuff and I want to make her happy." Vincent understood what he meant entirely.

Whatever Imani liked to do, he would do it for her in order to make her happy.

Whether it be cooking for her, taking her and LJ to the local museum or giving her a half day when she was tired.

He loved making her happy and seeing her smile.

Vincent felt a pang in his heart as he thought about how much he missed seeing that smile and hearing her laugh.

"Come with us, man. Imani might come."

Snapping out of his daze, he shook his head. "No, I'm good." He replied, pouring more alcohol than he needed. "Is she okay?"

"You should know Vincent. She is your girlfriend as well as your assistant." As he expected, Marco didn't receive a reply to his statement. So he had to go below the belt to gain a reaction from his cousin. "What, is she not your girlfriend anymore? Does that mean she's back on the market? Because I'm sure Melisa wouldn't mind a three-."

Vincent swung for Marco, but having seen an attack coming, he dodged it and twisted his arm around.

Marco let him squirm for a little bit before he roughly pushed him away. "You're slipping up with her, Vincent." He warned as Vincent ran his hands through his hair.

"You can't let a woman like this go," he continued, "because believe me, with the way you're going - she's going to give up and move on. You can't push someone too far because sometimes they won't come back."

Grabbing his briefcase, he took one last look at Vincent, shook his head and left.


By the time the clock struck 9pm, Vincent was completely inebriated. Having spent the whole day moping and contemplating calling Imani, he was a complete and utter wreck.

He didn't know what he wanted.

There were moments where he wanted to go back to her and be the man she wanted him to be but those moments were crushed by his insecurities.

Images of her cluttered his mind, her sweet voice ringing in her ears - making him miss her more.

He wished that instead of the cloud of smoke that he had surrounded himself in, it was Imani's arms hugging his shoulders. Her petite frame curled around his front as she peacefully slept and his hands combing through her hair.

That's where he wanted to be at that moment.

And that's where he was going to go.

Lifting himself from his position on the floor in the kitchen, he threw on his leather jacket - ready to leave.

He was startled when there was a knock at the door.

When he opened it, he resisted the urge to shut it again. "What do you want?" He asked, voice void of any emotion.

Giovanni walked inside without any invitation and headed to the living room where he sat on one end of the couch.

After closing the door forcefully, Vincent joined him - instead choosing to stand in front of him. "Get out."

"This isn't your house, son."

"I don't give a damn. Vattene." He thought that his father would listen to his demand if he said it in Italian but that was the last thing that happened.

Giovanni got comfortable on the sofa and waited until Vincent sucked his teeth.

"I told you that you needed to know the truth-."

"And I told you-."

"SILENCE. Now!" He commanded in a tone that Vincent hadn't heard since he was a little boy. It quietened him almost immediately and made him sit down.

Giovanni sighed as he continued. "I've been watching you lower yourself into this state for almost a month now but I can't take anymore of it. You haven't seen your brother-."

Vincent snorted.

"Imani says she hasn't seen you in weeks and I for one do miss you Vincent despite the ill manner in which you treat me."

"Ill manner?" Unable to believe his ears, Vincent tilted his head back and released a loud laugh. "Everything I say to you is because you deserve it! How many times do I have to repeat your disgusting act? You cheated on-."

"I DIDN'T CHEAT ON YOUR MOTHER!"

Screwing his face up, Vincent followed Giovanni with his eyes when he stood up and started pacing.

"Really? Go ahead and tell me more." He replied sarcastically. "Go ahead and lie to me, Giovanni."

"Vincent I am tired. I truly am tired of you not knowing and treating me the way you do." His son simply rolled his eyes. "I didn't cheat on her." Giovanni said softly.

Shaking his head, Vincent pulled a face. "Then what did you do?"

Giovanni sighed deeply. "When your mother was diagnosed, I was there for her. Everyday without fail I was beside her."

"I remember."

At that time, his hatred for Giovanni wasn't as strong as what it had grown to now, but he still had a vivid image of his father being there every day. 8am till 8pm he would be there with her.

"Your mother was my world - she still is-." Vincent again couldn't suppress the urge to roll his eyes. "Imagine my hurt when she tells me that she wants me to move on."

That's when it went silent. No longer was Vincent drumming his fingers on the leather of the sofa but now his back had gone absolutely straight.

"What do you mean she told you to move on?"

"I mean exactly that. Your mother could sense that things were getting... Worse for her and she said to me-." Giovanni let out a shaky breath as the memory looped in his mind.

It would take a very long time before he could wipe the memory of Lily-Ann telling him to move on and find someone new.

"She said to me that I should find someone else. She thought that I was unhappy and depressed."

"Which you were." His son grumbled under his breath.

"Yes but not for the reasons that you thought that I was. I was unhappy because my wife was dying. I was depressed because I knew that no matter what I did, I couldn't make it better. I couldn't- I couldn't help her."

And that's when Giovanni broke down in tears.

He dropped his head into his hands and sobbed as he remembered the endless torture he went through having to see her get worse.

"I felt horrible when I fell for Heather. It wasn't planned, Vincent, I can tell you that." He continued. "It just happened. And Lily-Ann, oh sweet Lily-Ann, she was the one who pushed me to ask Heather out." Giovanni hastily wiped his eyes, smiling sadly. "Your mother wanted to see me happy before she died. No matter how many times I told her that I wouldn't find anyone who would make me happier than she did - she insisted,"

"It's not as black and white as 'I cheated on your mother'. I know I got with another woman whilst I was still with her but it wasn't as if I was dishonest or I did it behind her back."

Vincent narrowed his eyes as he listened to his father.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing but at the same time it didn't excuse Giovanni's actions.

"Son, are you listening to me?"

"Yeah I'm listening but I don't understand what you hoped would come from this?" Giovanni sat next to Vincent despite him moving away. "Did you think that I'd forgive you?" He questioned. "Just like that? Just forget the hell you put me through?"

His father shook his head vehemently. "No of course not. I know that it will be a very long time before you and I can begin to sort our relationship but I want to try. I came here in order to start the process."

Vincent laughed darkly.

"Son, I want us to rebuild our relationship. Your mother wouldn't want us to stay like this with her gone."

"You sound like Imani." He mumbled to himself.

Giovanni reached out and placed a hand on Vincent's shoulder, surprised when he didn't push him off. "Please Vincent. Let me try and make it up to you. I want my son back."

Lifting his cold scowl to his father's eyes, Vincent stared at him for a few seconds.

He had been lied to, treated like he didn't exist and replaced by another child. All by Giovanni Pellegrino.

"You need to go."

"Vince-."

"Now." Vincent said firmly, removing his father's hand from his shoulder.

Knowing that he had tried as hard as he could, Giovanni nodded before standing and walking away.

When he heard the door shut, Vincent let his shoulders sag with the new emotional weight his father had dropped on him.

Technically he hadn't cheated.

But at the end of the day, he had lied to him. He had let him believe his story for years and only waited till Lily-Ann was dead before he told him the truth.

He needed a drink. A strong drink to drown out the thoughts in his head.


The moment her eyes finally closed was when she heard him stumble into the bedroom.

He reeked of alcohol and tobacco.

The smell so poignant, she fought the urge to hurl.

Imani sat up quickly as she saw him close the door and lean against it, head tilted back, eyes watching her.

She suddenly felt naked to his gaze and despite her wearing his night shirt and him having seen her nude many times - she felt conscious.

"Vince-."

He put a finger to his full lips, shushing her.

Vincent pushed himself off the door and threw his jacket on the floor. Kicking off his shoes, he approached her as she shuffled to the head of the bed.

"Baby, don't be scared."

As the bed dipped from his weight, her heart started pumping faster. She hadn't seen him in so long it was as if she was seeing him for the first time again.

Oblivious to her worried gaze, he crawled until he was on all fours above her with her frame beneath him.

"You're drunk."

Taking her lips with his in a sloppy kiss, he felt her shiver.

"You need rest, Vincent."

"I need you." He slurred, kissing all over her face and hurrying to rip off the shirt she wore - even as she tried to close it.

She wanted him as much as he wanted her but she knew that he wasn't in the right state of mind.

"You'd never lie to me, would you?" Vincent asked hoarsely as he dragged his lips across her cheek and moved his hands down her body. "You'd never replace me, right?"

"Vincent, pl-."

Imani tried to push him off but slowly she was giving into his attempt, breaking into a moan at the end of her sentence.

"What are you doing with someone like me?" He asked, nuzzling the sensitive skin on her neck. "You deserve better."

Imani took his face into her hands and tilted his forehead against hers. "Have you been smoking?"

"You and LJ need someone who can offer you a lot more than I can." He continued to ramble , eyes blinking slowly. When he gave her his heart stopping smile, she felt her stomach flutter. "Is it wrong of me to still want you? I want to try and be that man for you."

He stopped trying to stroke her bare skin and collapsed on top of her, groaning.

Imani held him tightly, for fear that if she let him go, he would pull another disappearing act on her.

"Go to sleep, Vincent."

"Will you be there when I wake up? Will you still want me?" He asked dazedly. "You don't need me - I'm messed up."

"So what? We're all a little messed up right?"