Life choices (Remus Lupin Marauders era)

Chapter 33

I follow Dumbledore up to his office and take a seat opposite him in the cosy armchair that sits by the fire. He leans in towards me with a soul searching stare and smiles sadly, offering me a sherbet lemon which I politely decline with a shake of the head and a small smile. He pops one in his mouth and crunches down on the boiled sweet.

I'm grateful for the couple of minutes of silence that he gives me. It's enough time for me to steady my thoughts and sort out what exactly happened in my eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He offers.

It's nothing. I scribble in the air.

"Forgive me, but I'm afraid that I just don't believe you," he says, looking over his glasses at me, "if it was nothing, you wouldn't be like this, you wouldn't be here, we wouldn't be having this chat."

It's stupid, trivial, it won't matter in a few days. I'll be fine, I am fine.

Writing something and trying to show confidence is much harder than saying something with confidence. Your words can easily become jumbled and your writing is shaky. Thinking through the words in your head and concentrating on putting them out in front of you without mentally cracking, but then the spells turning to dust as soon as a sob breaks your lips and ruins everything.

He just sighs and smiles again, sensing my inner turmoil. "You know, in times like this, I find that it's easier to confide in someone closer to the situation at hand." I look at him thoughtfully. "Or even someone in a similar situation to you."

Who on earth is in a similar situation to me? None of my friends know about me. They'll think I'm a monster, do you know how people like me are perceived in the writing and textbooks that we all have to learn about. Molly has now left and the twins will curse anyone who hurts me. You've seen it often enough, they can't get in any more trouble, it's driving mum crazy. There is no one that understands me.

"There is always someone who will understand. You just have to find that person."

I give him a puzzled look and he just smiles back.

"Well, you must be getting back to bed now." He cuts our conversation short and stands up. "If you see Filch on your way, tell him that you were just with me, and if he doesn't listen, run, I'll deal with him."

His eyes hold a mischievous glint as he says that and I smile. I stand up and turn to leave, thanking him as I go.

"Oh and one more thing. Don't forget to feed tomorrow night. With all the hubbub of school life, details can get lost."

I frown at him, as if I'd ever forget to feed. He should know that I'd never forget. I just pass the statement off as a classic Dumbledore thing to say, confusing and individual, not always understandable but valid in some way. I turn back to the staircase and creep back down to the hallway, somehow managing to stay hidden throughout the run to my room. I sneak into bed and try to steady my beating heart.

"Imogen? Is that you?" Someone whispers. "It's Alice, I just wanted to tell you that apparently you have detention tomorrow night, along with the marauders and your brothers."

I groan lowly and shuffle around in my bed.

"Apparently Dumbledore told McGonagall to dish it out to anyone not in bed, just as a one night warning. The twins were looking for you and the marauders were doing Merlin knows what."

Seriously? Dumbledore insisted on this stupid rule? He knows that I've got to feed tomorrow night. He knows that I was talking with him tonight. But who knows, he might have forgotten this tiny little detail in all the hubbub.

I do not think that I'll ever fully comprehend what that man has in store for each and everyone of us.

"Oh yeah, and Lily is slightly jealous of all the time you're going to spend with James."

"I am not!" Comes a startled and irritated cry from Lily's bed.

I would've burst out into laughter if I wasn't so tense. Leaving them to argue their opinions I spend practically the rest of the night trying to sort out some sort of plan for my feed tomorrow. I can possibly get the twins to help me out somehow, but I have no idea how. I hardly get a wink of sleep, along with the usual hideous feeling of feeding time, I can barely drag myself out of bed.

As I sit down at the table for breakfast I practically fall backwards from lack of balance and tiredness. Someone catches me by the elbow before I fall and I look up to see a stony faced Fabian.

"Want to tell me where you were last night?"

I just smile sleepily, trying to feign innocence and pretend that I have no idea what he's talking about.

"We have detention tonight? Have you figured out how that's going to work?" He says smartly. "Figured that out yet? As we might not be able to help you." He looks to Gideon for reassurance and he just nods. "We can only help you as far as you can help yourself, and if you're wandering around getting in trouble, we can't help you."

I decide that I can't deal with his irritating, patronising little lecture so I turn away quickly and discover that that was a bad idea. My head swims and I rest it on the table in front of me.

"Come on Fabian, give the girl a break. She can sort out whatever prep or task you're giving her a hard time about." I look up to see Sirius siting a few meters away from us. He winks at me and grins. "I've got your back."

I understand the double meaning behind his words and smile in relief. They don't believe what Remus said and they're still rooting for us.

As I look to their spot, Remus visually ignores me, looking across the room and at his food. I just hand my head in sadness and try to push out the tiredness, standing up and walking as confidently as I can down the corridor, making my hand purposely run against his back as I go.

I have no idea where that sudden burst of confidence came from, but it's gone as soon as it comes and I'm left feeling awkward and embarrassed. I grab my books and head alone to my first lesson, divination. The teacher welcomes me with open arms and offers me a cup of tea, fit with a reading.

Once my teacup is drained, she takes my cup and looks down at the collection of tiny black leaves.

"You're in for troubling times tonight." She observes, as if I didn't know that already. "Good will come out of it if you believe that it will."

I want to believe her, I really do, but I'm afraid to. What good can come out of me feeding? The only good is that I don't get found out by anyone and get to feed properly. But that usually happens so it's nothing good.

With everyone talking in riddles, I'm starting to wonder what is truth and what is just meaningless words that are meant to confuse people.

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This chapter goes to Harbinger6Phoenix for the follow, spam of votes, and my first ever inbox message. Thank youuuuu x

Soooooooo, Immy is facing detention and Dumbledore is plotting to get the two of them together...... Saucy stuff.....

Ughhhhhhh, I had a mental breakdown the other day because I was seeing loads of people and I'm not used to being that sociable. But hey, it's all good now. I only have to worry about school and work and a whole load of other things, so being sociable seems like a very minuscule issue now. I hate how my brain works sometimes.

QOTD : when do you all go back to school?

I go back on Monday the 5th 😡

Stay superbly sassy ~ Molly xxxx