Thomas Sangster Imagines

My Story

Ive gotten requests to do this, so I'm going to. Any of you can skip over this I don't mind- it could be triggering to anyone with depression or anything.

and before I start I'd just like to say thank you so much for 100k, Its absolutely amazing and I never thought it would happen. I'm not famous, I'm just a girl- who likes to write and help and inspire people. That's all I try and do and that's all i'll ever want to do. I want to help people so they don't have to experience the things I did, they don't have to feel as lonely as I did and they don't have to feel as isolated as I did. I want to inspire people to strive to do better, I want to inspire people to love their life and to love their selves and to love others; I want to inspire this world to be kind to each other. that's all I'll ever want to do.

Now, I am in no way asking for attention when I write this about myself I am just being 100% honest, because you deserve 100% honesty. So, here it is.

My name is Skyla, I am British but I live in Canada. I was born on June 10th 2002, I'm 14 years old. Most people say I'm more mature then the average 14 year old because of the things that ive been through. I strive to write as a career, I do it on my free time. So when I'm not at school I'm writing and I started writing this imagines book because I wanted to share my intrests with others. and personally I never really found an imagine book that fit the way I think, so I try and think in every way. I try to relate mentally and physically to everybody reading the book so that it feels real. I try and meet everyones expectations.

When I was one my mother split from my dad and at the time my mom and dad were both smokers, my mother ended up smuggling me from my dad for 11 days and my dad called the lawyers and there was a huge fight between who had custody.

Eventually, they both gained custody. I saw my dad 4 days a week and my mom 3 days a week. I must've been 4 when the first horrible accident happened.

My mom found a boyfriend, or my step dad. and had a baby, my brother. but he was only one at the time and I was about 7 when this happened.

My mothers best friend whom I called aunt at the time, broke into my house. Screaming bloody murder at 3am. She started climbing up the stairs so I came out of my room and leaned over the railing to look at her. Her eyes were burn red, my ears hurt from the screaming. and she reached out to grab me, her hand only about an inch away from my face. I was too shocked to move, so I stayed still. I she ended up scratching my cheek with her nail so I ran to my moms room and I protected my brother while my mom and her best friend since child hood fought to near death.

My step dad ended up punching her and dragging her down the stairs. I can remember hearing the sound of her voice and body hitting each step.

about two years later we moved into a new house, and that's when my step dad began. He was aggressive with me, very aggressive with me. He tried to influence sexual acts on myself- and I was too young to fully understand but I know now, and it went on for a long time.

I remember small events, small fights, large arguments and I remember being scared.

My mom ended up getting involved with heavier drugs then pot and stuff. She started on Oxy Cotton and ended up getting addicted, one day I came home and she was gone. She had left for rehab and no one told me. I didn't see her for a month or two until I was aloud too. then she came back once she got out of rehab, got addicted again and went back for another 2 months when I was like 10.

When I was about 11, grade 6. My mom moved away, to a different province with my other family. and I was devastated, I didn't have a mother for the most important stage of my life. Luckily my dad was a pretty good dad, hes strict but hes an amazing dad and I love him so much.

I could ramble on and on about storys that have happened just like my crazy aunt but I don't want to take too much time. So i'll hurry it up, ive woken up at 4am to screaming, fighting. I have, I know what pain feels like. I've endured it. Ive been hit for my mom, I've taken the fall, ive screamed at another person for dissing my mother. I've been hurt, I've been fearful and I have been a coward.

the depression started in grade 6, I felt alone. Scared, sad. I went to therapy all the time and I didn't think that I had it hard- I thought every kid got screamed at by men.

My mom would sleep in until 5pm everyday. I remember getting up and making her breakfast then having to throw it out because she wouldn't get up to eat it, and to this day I make some killer scrambled eggs since I made it every day for breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner for an entire school year.

My mom used to be a makeup artist, until she lost her job. My grandma pays for her trailer right now; otherwise she'd be homeless. My mom, likes beauty. so when I get off a plane after flying to see her after 3 months of no contact she wont say hi, she'll say "you're hairs so greasy and your bangs are so un even" or "your skin looks horrible."

it sucks.

but to tell you the truth I don't have it that bad. I could be a 7 year old girl looking over her 3 year old brother in Africa because her parents died. I could be anyone but me and it could be better or it could be worse.

But it could definitely be worse. and that's what I have to remember.

My dad has always said glass half full not glass half empty.

I have a very high level of anxiety, I'm clinically depressed and I got a type of genetically transferred bipolar disease. I self harmed for two years until my dad found out and all my instruments I had used were taken away from me and I went to a heavier type of therapy.

so I understand what all of you have been thru. and also being a teenager comes with the unfortunate fact that we have hormones and that makes depression worse

whether you want to believe it or not majority of the depression all of us feel is caused by hormones. Depression can be there for any reason but hormones sky rocket the feeling.

But I'm going to end this here seeing as I don't want to take up too much time. I could spill more stories and if anybody wants me to then comment below but really I don't want sympathy or attention.

because you are the people I care about, I love you guys. and I want to make you happy, I will do my best. but half of you don't believe you're beautiful the way you are and 99% of you aren't happy with your current lives.

but please try to be.

because you will never be anybody else but yourself. so you need to love yourself. and I burst into tears every time I hear that somebody committed suicide, it makes me cry- because  everybody is so so beautiful and nobody deserves death so early.

We are healthy and we need to live for the people who cant.

Please love yourself the way you are, I know its hard to do that but please try for me. Because you deserve love and I love you, this wattpad community loves you. You all should just love each other.

we're always so against each other, we all love to fight. but why? whats the point in fighting. we just hurt people, we create depression and anxiety and insomnia and all these horrible things because we as human beings have flaws and all of us judge people, theres no denying that, and I'm not proud of the fact that I judge people sometimes but I'm trying to stop, I will stop. I need to stop.

now this is too long, I'm rambling forever.

so, if you would like a part two which I don't know why you would then comment below.

but I love all of you so much. I want to do the best for you guys and yeah. thank you for 100k