Dare to Fall

Chapter XVI

As soon as I woke up earlier this morning, a sudden wave of melancholy surpassed me as I let it welcome my body. I was unable to open my eyes wider than usual, I suddenly forgot that I was crying myself to sleep last night.

I have noticed that these past few days I have been crying myself to sleep or even when I wake up in the morning, I would suddenly cry out of nowhere as if it was also part of my daily routine to cry.

I guess some people do suffer from insomnia like me. It's hard being an insomniac especially when all you do is lay in bed and stare at your ceiling, waiting for eyes to close and decide to doze off. People who aren't insomniac are so lucky because they get a good night's sleep.

Being an insomniac is also one of the reasons why my depression and anxiety are getting worse. Whenever I lay in bed at night, waiting to finally fall asleep, I would overthink and rethink situations. I would also let my mind wander to some of the painful memories I have stored.

Especially that one specific memory where I lost my whole-being.

I don't like talking to my mom about my problems, especially my father's death because I know it would not only cause me pain but also my mom. Besides, I am already a young adult. I should know how to handle situations like these...

But deep inside, I know that I still can't and that I am still trying to.

If I had a remote control that controls this world, I would click pause then rewind just to change things, but things that are done cannot be undone and I have to get that through my thick head. I just have to be strong and face the reality because that's life.

I miss my dad. Him in general and his beautiful soul is the reason why I keep on going; the reason why I still keep on holding on even though I don't feel like holding on. A beautiful soul that loves me, inspires me, guides me...

A beautiful soul who died for me.

"Hailey, are you okay? You don't look too good. Do you want me to accompany you to the nurse's office?" Amelia asks as she takes a bite on her granny's smith green apple. She chews loud and it's enough to trigger me.

One of my pet peeves.

I look at Amelia as I shake my head, trying to get to my own senses again before I get completely lost in my own thoughts, "Yeah, I'm fine," I said as I grabbed a french fry on my tray, dipping it in one of the sauce on Amelia's tray and shoved it into my mouth.

I haven't seen Cayden today, which is weird. But what is weirder is that I am suddenly looking for him and maybe slightly a bit worried.

After our conversation yesterday at the coffee shop, I was actually happy that I was able to meet another side of him that he doesn't show people that much. I don't know if I should consider myself lucky or not, knowing that he chose to open up to me.

I did feel like I made him uncomfortable yesterday when I asked about his parents and I feel kind of bad about it but he still opened up about it, "So I guess you feel relieved that Cayden isn't following you around this time."

Amelia says as she finishes her apple, "Hm, yeah. I guess so," I commented, sounding sad.

Amelia notices my expression as she sends me a questioning look. I returned the look she gave me, "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked as she continues to furrow her eyebrows then cocks her head at the side as if she's trying to figure me out.

"Something is off about you today and I don't know what it is but I think Cayden's one of the reasons why," She says making me roll my eyes. "Not denying it, I see."

"Oh God, brush it off! I'm fine, seriously," I told her as we both stood up from our table, grabbing the food tray with us as we threw our garbage, returning the tray to the counter.