Chapter 36

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Kat
May 21, 2005


*

Same day

*

Why did I come here today?

I knew it was a bad idea.
I knew I would see Ben.

That's exactly why you came.

No, I just wanted to see the graduation... of all the people I don't know.

Crap. Maybe I did come for him.

I mean, I even brought his leather jacket, hoping it would give me a reason to talk to him.

What is wrong with me?

At least everyone just assumes I'm upset over the breakup. I wore his jacket every night, just to make it more convincing, of course.

Not because it smelled like him.

Nope, definitely not.

I have to say, he certainly looked heartbroken these past few months. He is a pretty good actor, even I almost believed it.

But I know better.

At least he made me feel like less of a loser for pining after my ex-boyfriend. Fake ex-boyfriend.

Maybe I should thank him? Would that be weird?

I stare at him from across the lawn, wishing I could just go talk to him instead of this stupid Jonathan guy. He's not even funny. Or even that cute.

Not like Ben.

"So, Johnny..." Vanessa smirks, her eyes following Nate as the guys walk over.

She throws her arm around my shoulder before continuing. "What do you think of my girl Katie-bug?" She's been pressuring me to get with him for months, despite my lack of interest.

I pull away from her, gasping. "Vanessa Burke!" I can't believe her! Who does that?

She's been pretty annoying since she quit drinking. I found her nearly unconscious in a bar three months ago and it's been rocky ever since I took her for a stomach pumping. Seeing your friend almost die does something to you.

But did she thank me for saving her life? Nope. Instead she tortures me with Johnny-Be-Lame.

Johnny laughs awkwardly, at least having the decency to look embarrassed. "I don't really know yet..."

"Oh come on! You've been asking me to introduce you for months now." She crosses her arms, scoffing. "I think you already know."

I could murder her right now. I wish my eyes could shoot lasers.

They continue talking about me as though I'm not even there, but I can't even bring myself to listen.

My eyes find Ben.
They always find him.

I see he's back to his old clean-shaven self from before the fake break-up. The fake-up? Is that a thing?

I don't think so. And it probably shouldn't be either.

God, when did I get so lame?

I wonder if he dressed up to impress a girl. I have to resist clutching my stomach as it does a flip.

Johnny's stupid face makes a lame joke and I force a fake laugh. I hear Vanessa doing the same next to me.

Why is she so insistent that I date this guy if she doesn't even like him?

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