Ambivalence [p.h.] - EDITING

chapter 4 || yapping at an unfortunate passerby with your too-big Candor mouth

The whoops and hollers of my new faction almost drowned out the deafening whispers from the rest of the population.  Even still, I could not hear a thing except the sizzling of my blood on the Dauntless coals.  I could not let them see how breath I sucked in shook with nerves.  I could not let them see my trembling lip.  I could not let them see my confidence waver.  With my chin up and back straight, I tried to ignore the prying eyes and condemning expressions focused at me.  Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted my parents.  Though they did not smile, they did not wear the same disgust on their faces that their friends and peers did.  A clap on the back drew me away from my thoughts.  

"Thatta girl!"  A man who had more ink than skin shot me a toothy grin.  He stood up and gestured towards his seat. 

"Thank you."  With a gracious nod, I lowered myself into the chair and observed.  There were very few transfers out of Dauntless.  Everyone except the Tucker boy and two others stayed.  There were very few transfers at all.  I was the only Erudite, until another Dauntless gave up her seat to a head of mousey brown hair that I thought I would never have to see again.  I was never close with Myra Roberts, but I knew her well enough to be positive she did not trust the test results.  My smile was forced and lasted mere seconds.  

The list went on.  Soon we were joined by another Erudite transfer — Will, I think his name was?  After him, I payed no attention until a Candor boy, only a couple of inches shorter than Eddie, plopped into the seat next to me. "Ah, a Nose. Fancy seeing you here."  I hated snarkiness.  The glare I shot him was not one of amusement.  The nonchalant grin playing on his mouth and upturned eyebrows easily identified him as the grunting kid from chemistry.

"There are already three other Erudite transfers here, and not everyone has chosen yet. I don't think it's that uncommon."  The beginning of initiation was no time for making enemies, but I couldn't help myself.  "Plus, a Stiff transferred. Did you notice, or were you too busy yapping at an unfortunate passerby with your too-big Candor mouth?"  The Stiff lived up to her nickname.  She was short, frail, and easy to read.  Her nerves were getting the best of her.  The boy remained unfazed by my snappy tone.  I shouldn't have been surprised.  He was a Candor, after all.

"Edward Clermont."  The bowls caught my attention.  My best friend wasted no time.  Relief displaced some of the anxiety in my stomach when his blood sizzled where mine had.  Eddie was a Dauntless.  He had always been a Dauntless.  Myra was not.  The conclusion I drew from that was a violation of the unspoken "no sharing your test results" rule.  Myra had never been a Dauntless.  She would never be a Dauntless.  I knew that much. 

All Eddie gave me before sitting with Myra was a cool wink.  At least I wouldn't feel alone.

"Those glasses make your eyes look huge. But you look like you'd fit in okay here."  Maybe Candors had an issue with reading body language.  When everyone was expected to vocalize how they felt, I doubt the boy had ever learned what being avoided looked like.  My nose scrunched when he continued: "I'm Peter."

"Pleasure," I say, my voice seething with sarcasm.  He raised his eyebrows at the pause I left him with after I spoke.  "What?"

"Are you gonna tell me your name, or...?"

"My name..." I bit my lip. My name didn't suit a Dauntless.  It suited an Erudite.  I was no longer an Erudite.

"Hello?  I thought you were supposed to be smart.  Go on.  'My name is'... ?"

"Jax!" Eddie called.  "Jaaaaaaax! Jax Jax Jax Ja–"

I had to stand up to see him from where I was.  "What!?"

"Myra and I say hi."  Eddie did not appreciate the gesture I gave him as I sat back down.

"Jax, eh?" Ugh.  "That doesn't sound like an Erudite name. I think it's a nickname.  I know the Erudite don't approve of nicknames, so my first instinct would be that you're dating.  Are you two dating?  Because, I mean, if you are, I have some bad news! It looks to me like–"