Roses for Rachel

Chapter 8.

Sleep was simply an impossibility last night after Calvin left me. I tried for hours, but my mind wouldn't stop running in its constant tizzy in thoughts of Calvin, the competition, my life, and the total insanity I'm now a part of.  

I don't know how to feel about anything anymore. I used to pride myself on always being so in control of my emotions and my strength, but since I've arrived here it has been tested over and over and I can feel myself losing grip. The thought should be scary, that I'm losing myself somehow, but at the same time, I almost feel like I'm being more me these last few days than I've been in a long time. I only wish I knew what it is that I want. I'm sure I want nothing to do with this whole production or being a vampire queen, but I also don't want to be eliminated either. Who knows what would happen to me at that point. The scariest thing to me though is the fact that I've stopped using my free time to look for exits.

The world outside is completely different than the one I left behind eight years ago, and that would be true even if it weren't for the hostile vampire take over. If I was ever able to somehow escape, what would that even mean? Escape to what? And how long would I even survive out there in this foreign world?

Then there's Calvin.

Sure, I've got absolutely zero experience with guys, and honestly, I never understood why some girls were so obsessed, but I just feel something when I'm around him. I'm somehow comfortable with him, even though I know that I shouldn't be. Even thinking of him as a monster, which he is, is hard to do. I constantly have to remind myself that he is in fact a vampire and I should be afraid, not intrigued by him. I have a hard time trying to explain it, even to myself, but I feel like I can be more myself around him. Even with Greer I am sometimes on eggshells, always trying to protect her feelings, doing anything to keep her happy so that we can remain friends. She's been the only thing I've had for years, but being in this new situation makes me wonder if we are only friends just so we have one, or if we are actually friends because we like each other. When I'm around Calvin, I'm just being me. Not even on purpose, it just happens, I can't control my mouth or emotions around him. And, yeah, he does tease me about the things I do sometimes, but at the same time he seems to like me too.

Too? I guess I am finally admitting to myself that I do like him somehow. I simply can't fit him into this horrible deadly vampire prince mold that I'd tried to when I first got here. Whenever I've been around him, he just feels like...I don't know...just Calvin?

I took a deep breath and tried to count to ten while I stood outside of the grand ballroom doors and waited for the guards to open them for me. No time left now to fret over what I don't understand.

I'd went by Greer's room but her maiden informed me that she had chosen to go on alone, so apparently she's still pissed at me. Alone, I nodded to the guards that I'm ready and they opened the doors wide for me. The ballroom was setup in the same way that it was yesterday, and the people clapped and cheered for me while I made my entrance. Since I knew it was coming this time, I felt a little more at ease as I smiled politely to the people who called out my name.

Ahead I saw that Lexton, Greer, Frankie, and Regina were all already seated on stage with the King and Prince Calvin sitting to their left in their large golden thrones; Gordo's just a hair bigger than Calvin's. Knowing all of them were watching me kicked up some of the nerves I'd been suppressing and I fiddled with the hem of my emerald green dress as I climbed the stairs onto the stage carefully. Once I was seated I noticed the new addition to the room. On the far side of the room, above the crowd, and facing the stage was another large screen that was showing footage from our entrances from last night, along with the new ones.

I guess we do get to watch a little this time around. Still undecided if that was good or bad news after the little peek I'd gotten last night with Calvin.