Our Little Star

Insecurities

POV: Tobi

Warnings: None

-Begin Chapter-

I looked down at Josh, his eyes still closed, his hand running up and down my back still, never slowing.

"What do you mean Josh?" I asked confused.

He opened his amazing eyes that changed color at a moment's notice. Right now they were brown and they were full of sadness. It hurt my heart. I reached out and grabbed his other hand squeezing it.

He took a deep breath. He slowly, he began speaking again.

"She told me how I gave her no hope for a marriage or children or anything like that. I was distracted too. I knew why I had been distracted though. That was cause of Vik, but the rest of it. The rest of it I had no answer for why. I guess I never really thought of a future with her because I never really saw one. I never saw her and I getting married, having kids, living a boring life. That's not what I wanted."

He kept looking at me, his eyes slowly starting to turn a different color. They were going from brown to light green, a smile taking over his face.

"What I wanted." He said happily, "Is right here." He said, squeezing my hand, pure joy lighting up his face. "I just didn't know it then."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice sounding slightly breathless.

"I mean, it took me, being with everyone in this relationship of ours, to see what I wanted in my life." Josh sat up, our clasped hands falling into his lap, his hand that was on my back, now on the back of my neck, his thumb brushing my skin.

I stared up at him wide eyed as he looked down at me. A tender smile on his face.

"I wanted to be in a relationship with my best friends. I wanted to love them, hold them, kiss them, make them feel special because they are special to me. You are special to me." He said with emphasis on the word you as he brought our faces closer together. "This right here is what I always wanted. This happiness."

I felt the breath leave my body as we stared intently into each other's eyes. I felt a heat take over me as Josh used his hand on the back of neck to bring me closer. I made no move to stop him.

We were just a breath away from each other when all movement stopped. We stared at each other, silence surrounding us. I wanted to move forward and close the distance but I was scared. I was scared of kissing first which was the exact reason I haven't kissed Vik or any of the others yet. Well, Ethan was an exception, after what we had done, I was far beyond being scared.

"Tobi." Called Josh, bringing all of my attention back to him.

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Yes," I said, my voice sounded breathy.

I closed my eyes as Josh bent up, capturing my lips in a sweet kiss. I felt the breath leave my body as I returned the kiss, allowing myself to get lost in the sweetness of our simple first kiss.

After a blissful kiss, we pulled away from each other slowly. I opened my eyes to look up into Josh's light green eyes, seeing all the love he had.

I smiled back, feeling warm and happy. Josh's hand on the back of my neck.

"Tobi." He said softly.

"Yeah?"

"I have a question."

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

"Why haven't you kissed Vik on the lips yet?" he asked softly, not really putting pressure on me but I could feel the fear build up inside me again. Josh must have seen right away.

"It's ok Tobi. Take your time."

I could see the understanding in his eyes and it made me feel better. I moved to lay back down, my head resting on his chest once more, allowing me to listen to my older boyfriend's heartbeat once more. Josh didn't say anything just moved his hand from the nape of my neck to around my waist, his large hand on my stomach, his fingers making soothing circles.

We laid there for a while, the quiet surrounding us, allowing me to think. I was scared to kiss Vik. I couldn't kiss him first. The reason why was so stupid but I felt like...

"I haven't kissed Vik yet because I am scared I am not good enough to kiss him."

I felt Josh's arm tighten around me and his hand squeezed mine.

"What makes you think that Tobi?" he asked, his voice causing vibrations in his chest.

"I don't know," I said being honest. "I feel like I'm not good enough for Vik or any of you guys for that matter sometimes. I know we are all equals in this relationship, that goes without saying, but..."

"But what Tobi?" he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

I sighed before speaking, "But I feel...I feel insecure and I have no idea why. Usually, I don't give a fuck about what people think or how I act around people but it's you guys. I'm afraid of how I should act, what I should do, how you guys will respond to how I act..." I felt tears come to my eyes.

"Oh, Tobi." Cooed Josh, using his one arm around me to keep me close, while his other hand readjusted to lace our fingers together. "You shouldn't worry about things like that. We love you for who you are and it doesn't matter what you do or how you act because we are still going to love you, no matter what. I understand you feel insecure but it's ok, we all feel insecure sometimes. You don't need to rush into anything, just take your time. If you aren't ready to kiss Vik, don't worry about it. Kiss him in your own time. We won't judge you, we promise."

More tears fell down my face at his kind words. I knew he was speaking the truth and I felt more at ease about the whole kissing thing. Somehow I was not as scared and it was all thanks to Josh.

"Thank you, Josh," I said quietly before burying my head into his chest more. "I love you."

"I love you too Tobi." He said kissing the top of my head, keeping me close. We laid there in silence for a while, peace surrounding us. I was so relaxed and happy in his hold that I began to fall asleep into one of the best sleep I have ever had.

-End Chapter-

A/N: I don't think I could have made this any fluffier if I tried. Sweet cute moments with your 11 years gang! Yeah!

I am gonna say this again, thank you so much for all of the support that you give to this book. I can not do it without you guys. Honestly.

I hope you enjoyed reading this and may your day be filled with love, smiles, and happiness.