Chapter 6

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Chapter 6

(Shirtless Dr. Royce---->)

 

 It’s been a week since my I had my complete meltdown in the Nurses’ Station, and I have barely managed to muster the energy to do anything other than to perform the necessary functions like bathing and eating.  I was currently looking at my ragged reflection in the bathroom mirror as I stood over the sink with the water running. I never did get around to having my haircut or a shave and I was sorely in the need of one. I dried my wet hands on the towel after turning off the water faucet and took a deep calming breath. It was time for breakfast and Dr. Covington was waiting for us in order to eat.

 I felt bad about manipulating his time like I have been with my neediness, but he was like a security blanket for me, he kept the demons away with just his presence alone. It didn’t feel right when he wasn’t with me, and I knew that at some point I was going to have to let him get back to his life and his other patients, but I was being selfish. I haven’t uttered another word since that day and I am still struggling with the decision about telling him everything. But it has become blatantly clear that I am going to have to, if nothing alone proved that, my actions of last week did it for me.

 I completely went off my rocker and panicked just by meeting two people that triggered the memory of HIS foul friends and the things they did to me. Dr. Covington has practically spent the entire week reassuring me until he was blue in the face. He kept reiterating the fact that none of the things that happened to me was my fault. He said that I was the victim and that I needed to hold my head up because I survived and they didn’t break me. And that was the only part of his explanation that I disagreed with because I was broken. Not only that I am dirty, they had managed to make me into a filthy nasty whore and they tainted me right down to my soul. How was I to share something like that to someone so angelic?

 That was how I viewed Royce, he was like an eternal Angel to me and I didn’t understand these feelings he stirred within me. I found myself watching him; he spent every waking minute with me. When I wake up in the morning he is usually sitting at the table quietly working on his laptop until I got up to take a shower. Then we would have breakfast and he asks me all sorts of things, like how I was feeling, did I sleep well, did I dream and so on. He spoke to me like I was going to answer his questions. He even told me that he liked the sound of my voice and now that he has heard it. I have gone and clammed up again denying him the pleasure of hearing it.

 I had found myself blushing and my chest had filled out with pride when he had said that, and my reactions to his praise left me feeling even more confused. I didn’t know how to define how he was making me feel. Another example happened the first two days when I had refused to get out of bed and I refused to have him leave my side and he had to use my shower in my room.

 He had just taken a shower and I so happened to woken up at the same time he realized that he must have forgotten his clothes by his bag before going into the bathroom. He had come out of the bathroom and steam billowed out behind him carrying his scent over to me and I inhaled his calming fragrance as I covertly watched him walk across the room in nothing but a towel warp around him as it hung real low lean waist. His firm abdominal muscles on display showing that he took excellent care of his body.  I had closed my eyes and pretended to sleep when he turned to check on me. He turned back and picked up his forgotten outfit and went back into the bathroom closing the door behind him.

 The sight of his toned body and his pale skin did something to me. I felt these little tingles all over my body and my heart beat just a little faster. I wanted so much to touch his skin just to see if it feels as soft as it looks. I had no idea why I felt this way for him and it confused me. I wanted to ask him about these conflicting emotions but I was afraid and I was tired of it. Every moment of my life from the time my Mother passed away right up until present day, I have spent it all living in fear and I was over it.

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