Run (Disasters in Love: Book 1) (Part 1 COMPLETE)

Chapter 46

Kat
May 21, 2005

*

Same day

*

I love seeing Ben like this.

So carefree.
So happy.
So very weird.

This is the real him, the one he hides away.

Sometimes, when he thinks nobody's looking, his mask drops. In those moments, I can see the face of a man carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

It breaks my heart.

Every day he pretends to be someone he's not and every day I think he loses a little piece of himself.

But right now, in this moment, he is purely Joseph Bentley Alexander.

He's not hiding his identity.
He's not the billionaire's son.
He's not the heir to the AME kingdom.
He's not even the playboy.
He's just living in this moment.

Which makes what I'm about to do even harder.

He takes one look at my face and his laughter stops. "What's wrong, Beautiful?"

"Ben, I don't know if I can do this." The words sting as they leave my mouth.

"Do what?" His demeanor has completely changed. I can tell he's worried about me, which makes me feel even worse.

"Us. A relationship." His concern is quickly replaced by irritation.

"But you just said-" I cut him off before he can throw my words back in my face.

"I know and I meant every word, but..." I can't bring myself to finish the sentence.

"But what?" His voice is rough and he's moved into a defensive stance, with his legs parted and his arms crossed over his chest.

"It's just difficult to wrap my head around this, you know?" He doesn't move a muscle, he just continues to stare at me.

"Okay... Less than an hour ago, I thought this was a prank." He scoffs, but doesn't say anything. "Or at the very least, an elaborate ploy to get into my pants."

"You aren't wearing pants." His mood lightens slightly, he's clearly proud of his lame joke.

"Ben, seriously." I cross my arms over my chest, watching his eyes dart down briefly, just like they always do. "I can't just go from that to being in a relationship with you."

He steps forward, tucking my hair behind my ear. His eyes leave my face for a second to watch the strand spring free again. I could have told him that wouldn't work.

His face is determined, but his voice is soft. "I'm not letting you push me away, darlin'."

"I'm not. I guess I just need proof that there's really something more." I look at the floor, hoping he doesn't push back too hard.

"Okay... I can do that." I blow out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding, but my relief is short lived. "What will it take?"

"I don't know..." He huffs, annoyed with my non-answer. "But I think we should take the break to make sure it's what you want."

His eyes widen. I guess he wasn't expecting that. "Seriously?"

"I need this, Ben." I wrap my arms around myself, resisting the urge to reach out to him. "I need to know that you are serious."