If I have to (bwwm)

Chapter 29

"If you are willing to know all of me, then I want the same from you. What does he mean by that Morgan? "

"Hell if I know Chloe. That's just some stupid note" I replied. I'm starting to think that inviting my friends over was not the best idea. Since they've been here all they want to talk about is James and I. Only making me more annoyed than I already was.

"You okay moe?" destiny asked.

"I'm fine I just wanna get tonight over with. "

"Maybe he wants to know her body count. That's what Keith asked me." Ali hollered from my kitchen.

The girls start to laugh which irritates me. "Body count of what, a negative zero. " Destiny said during their laugh attack.

"You know what y'all can go. The last thing I need right now is negativity. "

"Whoa okay, babycakes calm down we were just messing with you. " Chloe said.

"Yeah moe its just jokes, chill," Destiny added.

"The last thing I wanna do is just chill and tell jokes okay." I snapped.

"What'd you called us for then Morgan? I don't know what your problem is but you might wanna get the stick from your ass." Destiny said standing up.

"First of all I ain't got a stick up my ass. Second I called because I wanted advice, not jokes."

"Advice? No, I'll tell you why you called. You wanted us to come here and coddle you. You wanted us here so you tear down a good man. Have us convenience you not to go tonight because you're too weak to convenience yourself. Morgan, you finally got a great guy one that cares for you don't be stupid and insecure. Don't run him off. "

After destiny little speech she plopped down onto my sofa and folded her arms. It took everything in me not to fuck her up on sight, but she was right. Her delivery could have been better but still, she's right. Every time James and I get close I put my guard up.

"Morgan what Des is trying to say in a non Destiny way is that you shouldn't stop something that could be really great. " Chloe said calmly.

"Yeah, just don't think about it too much." Ali finally came out of the kitchen carrying a huge tray of nachos.

"Morgan why are you so nervous anyway," Destiny asked in a less hostile voice.

"I ...I guess I'm just afraid of what he's gonna say. What if his mom is right? What if what he tells me to make me run off. "

There is a long pause in the room. No one answers my questions, but then again how could they. It's not like they know what James is gonna tell me.

"Well, whatever he tells you I hope that it doesn't scare you off. You know then we won't be able to .......um double date." Ali responded looking at the floor. She seems worried that I might not be able to handle tonight. I know she has this ridiculous fantasy of one-day becoming sister in laws. Yet I get the feeling it's much more than it being double dates.

"Well y'all known him longer than I have. Do y'all know what he might say?" I asked looking at Ali. I waited for her to pick her head up but she never did.

"Whatever it is its best that it comes from him," She said.

Afterwards, we changed the subject completely. Seeing that it brought the mood down. We went to our normal routine of eating junk and talking shit. Before we knew it was time for me to get ready.

The girls offered to help me get ready but I declined. I rather spend that time alone collecting my thoughts.
So we said our goodbye's and went on our way.

After my shower, I slipped on my favorite light blue sundress. I untwisted my hair and let it flow where it wanted. Years of being natural taught me one thing. My hair doesn't necessarily have a place to be. With the last ten minutes, I had left I quickly did my makeup.

Nothing fancy just the basics. Foundation, mascara, small cat eye, and a nude lip.

Like clockwork its seven and James at the door. Well, I at least I thought it was him.

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When I arrived at James's apartment he was nowhere in sight. His housekeeper let me in before leaving for the night. The lights were dim with the exception of there being candles lit.

"James? James, you better sneak up me." I got no response.

"Fine, I'm taking off my shoes then." I don't why I announced that but I did. That's what I get for wearing heels.

Although it's quiet I hear the faint sound of what sounds like a piano. I follow it and it leads me to the balcony. Before I can open the doors James beats me to it. Reliving the handsome devil on the other side.

"Ms. Lincoln hasn't anyone ever told you that it's rude to walk in unannounced. "

"Well didn't anyone tell you that it's rude to keep your guest waiting? "

"I apologize, baby, you look stunning. " He said before he kissed me.

Damn, there goes my knees getting all weak and stuff. "Tha...thank you look nice too."

Pleased with the reaction he takes my hand and leads me onto the balcony.

"Was that you playing? " I asked pointing towards the grand piano.

"Yeah," he said handing me a glass of wine.

I took a moment to admire everything. He obviously put time into all this. The piano, the fairy lights, the driver, etc.

When I look at him I see he's already been staring at me. It doesn't make me uncomfortable, it makes me sad.

He's looking as if this might be our last night together. Then it hits me the reason we're here. We aren't here for a normal date.

"Morgan I want you to know that I care about you. You know that right? "

"Yes ."

"Mory I would never do anything to put you in any kind of danger. With that being said whether you want to continue this relationship is up to you. "

I just nod my head in response.

"Morgan what I do- what my family does is own a very illegal business. Which includes selling and buying drugs and guns. A mafia to be blunt. "

I'm in shock, but for all the wrongs reasons. Tears pool in my eyes while I try to remain calm. James wraps his arms around me and rocks softly.

"Please Mory say something. I know it a lot to process but I need you to tell me where your head is." James pleaded.

I ignore everything, the big secret he just told me. My fear and anxiety. All the questions running in the back of my head.

Only to grab his face and kiss him. He kisses back and picks me up off the ground. He breaks the kiss to ask if I was okay.

"No, but I will be. I'm tired of running away from this. James if this is your lifestyle I accept you."

Happiness spread all over his face. While I force myself to mimic to do the same. His truth didn't send me running. I wish it had, I wish I wasn't tired of running.

The truth is something people claim they want but once you have you can't give it back. There is no exchanging it for something better. So keeping mine for as long as I can is the best thing for everyone. Now maybe that's the scariest part of it all.