Discovering Jessica

A Letter.

Chapter Twelve: A Letter.

Jessica's POV: Before

Do you remember the night that you told me about baby names that you liked? I do, I remember the feeling of my heart swelling every time you mentioned seeing your wife with a swollen belly. I remember wishing that when you envisioned your future that you saw me in it. I remember feeling your hand inches away from mine and hoping that maybe you would lace your fingers in mine. I even remember the loud and obnoxious snoring of all of the other boys who were sleeping downstairs.

The moment, like every single one that involves you, is vivid in my memory as if I'm still frozen in that moment. That night was an odd night for me to begin with and it all began when I had come back from a date with some guy that Hanna had set me up with. Daniel would have never let me leave the house if he had known that though so I said that I was at the movies with 'friends'. The date went terribly wrong and the entire night I kept thinking about what you would have done if it had been you that I was out with. At that point I was still convinced that if I didn't stop liking you that everything would be ruined because no little sister could date her brother's best friend, it was like a rule, a stupid one at that. Anyways when I got home I wanted to go straight to bed except it was a Saturday meaning that as soon as I walked in the door I was bombarded with the four of you boys. But instead of talking to you guys like normal I ignored you all and rolled my eyes at all of you because in my head all guys were idiots, this was the date's influence.

I didn't come downstairs until about two in the morning which was usually when all of you fell asleep but you were still up and when I walked into the kitchen to get water you scared me nearly half to death.

You laughed at my scared expression and then asked me how my date went. I was completely taken aback by your comment and I couldn't believe that you somehow knew. "I overheard you on the phone earlier." was your explanation of as if eavesdropping was no big deal at all. So being the immature girl that I am, I decided to ignore you and continue to do what I had originally come downstairs for. And you being the 'not taking no for an answer' type of guy, decided to keep pestering me all the way into the living room where I plopped down on the couch to watch a movie. All through the first half of the movie I ignored you until you mentioned me talking about you on the phone to Hanna.

My exact words were: "Why can't I have a guy like Parker?" And you being a cocky little bugger knew that if you mentioned that, then I would talk.

"You weren't supposed to hear that?"

"Well I did, now what are you going to do about it?" You asked me.

"What I meant was, why couldn't I find a nice guy who would be good to me and not just assume that I'm easy. That's it, that's all." I defended when really the truth was that I didn't want just any guy who was like you, but I wanted you specifically.

"Oh please! I know that you want a piece of me, just like every girl." You teased, but my face betrayed me and I was soon the colour of ninety nine red balloons. "Aw! You're blushing!"

As you can assume, I was instantly even more embarrassed. Not only had you overheard me talking about you but you heard that I wanted a guy like you and on top of that you pretty much just called me out on my gigantic crush. Except you surprised me when you changed the subject and started to ramble about the future. You talked about how you were thinking about going into the army and how after that you wanted to become a teacher. You also mentioned wanting to get married and have kids because you've always liked children.

You then asked me what I planned for my future and I told you that I wanted to become a doctor. I then told you that that's all I really knew about my future because I couldn't plan the rest of it. You laughed at that because we were complete opposites, you liked having a plan whereas I liked going with the flow, maybe that's why we go so well together.

It was almost four in the morning, we were sitting on the floor, side by side. Our conversation had died down and we were just sitting there. My brain was on high alert though because I could feel your leg against mine. I even remember thinking that if you put your arm around me we would fit perfectly together like puzzle pieces.

You whispered "Elliot" as my thoughts raced by even more than usual. I looked at you and gave you a questioning look. "I love that name." You said and then you told me about how you thought it was such a great and powerful name. You then went on to tell me all about how you couldn't wait until you grew up a bit more and how you were excited that your senior year was right around the corner. I grew quiet as you continued to tell me all about your future though because the truth is that I wanted me to be apart of that future.

The reason I've brought this up is because I'm now seven months along and it's time that I decide to chose a name for this baby. I wish you were here so that we could decide and discuss this in person like normal people who have babies but our situation is special.

I still haven't sent you all of the other letters that I've written to you since I've found out that I'm pregnant but they all just don't feel right. It would just be so much easier if you were here and since you've been gone I'm sure that you've moved on. We did say that we shouldn't wait for each other because who knows what could have happened when you were gone but guilt is eating me away except my own insecurities are as well. Everyday it's like I'm trying to decide whether or not that maybe you'll want to be apart of this baby's life which I'm sure that you will but what if you don't? What if you think that I did all of this on purpose so that I could somehow trap you into staying with me? I think I've been reading way too many dramatic high school books to tell you the truth but I'm just trying to do what's best for everyone, especially you.

I just hope that you know that I love you and I hope that you and Daniel are safe out there. I also want you to come home soon because I need you more than you'll ever know. You'll probably never see this letter but I still just needed to tell you all of this, if that makes any sense.

Love,

Jessica

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Hope you guys liked this one!

Until Next Time,

bookworm