Analyzing Isaac (manxman) NaNoWrimo 2013 Winner

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

(Isaac's room----->)

 **WARNING, this is an intense chapter some grapic and hard topics to deal with. You have been warned it is necessary for the story.***

 

 I spun around in the confines of my room feeling like my skin was too tight for my body. I was effectively wearing out path in the carpet between the bed and the window.  My head was spinning with the fact that Royce had outright admitted that he liked men still had my mind spinning. It was sweet relief to know that he was like Richard and Brad, and that he was a homosexual or rather I should say, a gay man. Now, I was left wondering if that made me a homosexual too, because I couldn’t lie to myself or try to deny the fact the simple fact that  I am attracted to Royce. I now knew what all the tingles and the way he made my privates reacted to just the mere thought of him was about. But what the Hell could I do about it? I had no clue how to tell him and God, it made me even more anxious and jittery now knowing for sure that Royce preferred men, so that was one obstacle out of the way.

 I spun on my heel and made the repeated steps back towards the bed for God knows how many times since lights out tonight. All of a sudden the wind died out of my sails and I plopped down heavily onto the mattress. I shouldn’t even be entertaining these thoughts. I still had so much to tell him and talk to him about. Once he was finished hearing my story I was sure that he won’t even want to touch me afterwards. I was used goods, violated in ways that no one should ever be. And I found that once again, I had no business liking anyone much or less contemplating letting someone touch me again. Would I be able to handle it?

 Royce was right, I needed to get this stuff off my chest and I needed to just unload and see where I can go from here. I didn’t want to leave the Institute and I wondered what the Judge would do seeing that I am not crazy? Completely frustrated, I grabbed hold of my head with both hands, fisting them mercilessly in my hair, and I groaned out loud. My head hurt with this entire situation and trying to figure this stuff out, and all I wanted was just some peace. For once, to just to have a minute where I didn’t have to be on high alert all the time, either for fear of my life or  the uncertainties boiling through my mind and my guts making me a mess and quietly driving me nuts.

 My heart was pounded away in my chest and my vision swirled a little bit in and out of focus, and I quickly turned around and lied down on the bed and concentrated on breathing. I didn’t want people rushing in here because I was feeling overwhelmed. After a few minutes I managed to calm my heart rate and I returned to a sitting position and checked the time on the clock on the wall, it was only 11:30 at night and I wondered if Royce was still awake. He had informed me earlier that he was going to be here until the weekend.  He felt that I was settled in enough for him to go back home. And I was extremely disappointed at that little bit of news.

 With shaking hands I reached for phone and I dialed zero for the Nurses Desk and it was just my luck that Richard answered the line. In a shaky voice I asked him for Royce, and he said he was going to call him straight away.  It touched me that he had wanted to come to my room right away to stay with me until Royce came. But I told him he didn’t have to then I disconnected the call. I just stayed where I was sitting on the side of the bed staring out into the night through the windows while I gathered all the strength I could muster, for in order for me to reach my coveted peace; I had to tell him everything.

 After a few moments passed by, I heard the lock on the door disengage and someone entered the room. I didn’t bother to turn my head into his direction, but I knew it was him by his scent alone, a fresh clean scent like sunshine and citrus combined. It was mouthwatering to me. Richard was right behind him since the hall light had cast their shadows across the carpet.