The Law of Attraction [Chris Beck]

Chapter 30

9 Years Ago

A swift knock came upon the wooden door of Alice's apartment, and she wondered who it might have been. She had a few friends around here, from the university, but rarely did she spend any time with anyone outside of study group. There was no time for friends, and Alice had only just smeared the make up from the night before off of her eyes. Her hair was a mess, and she was in sweat pants. Her feet still hurt from walking in those awful high heels from the night before, and she felt a smile dust onto her lips as she thought of Chris carrying her after informing her just how bad they were for her. She wiped the smile off of her lips faster than anything, and stood up. In sweat pants and a campus-branded tank top, she yanked open the door half expecting it to be Chris.

But to her disappointment and delight all at once, it was not.

"Remy," she said, her friend standing with her hips slightly out to the side and both of her hands planted firmly upon her hips.

The redhead smiled. "So, tell me everything."

"Really, Remy, I don't want to talk about it," Alice said, a vague smile hiding somewhere behind her recently-cleaned face. She hadn't even had time to pull herself together, just cleared off whatever make up had been left on. Remy paid no mind to Alice's stance, which obviously suggested that she didn't want to invite her in, and had no intentions of talking to her about her night. It was too fresh, like an open wound, and already Alice knew talking about it wouldn't make her feel any better.

Remy pushed her way in and shut the door as she did. "I'll brew you up some coffee, make you something to eat, and you're going to talk to me. I know you as well as anyone- which hardly says anything since you're a closed book- and I know when you're being stupid."

"Uh, thanks, Rem." Alice frowned, but knew that there was no getting out of this.

Later, with coffee in hand, she sighed. "It was probably... the best night I've had... ever."

"Okay, so what's the problem?"

"I don't have time to date; I thought it would be a fun one night stand, and that's all I can afford to have right now." She gripped her coffee tightly. "Turns out... I really like the guy."

"So call him."

"It's not that simple," Alice replied. "I'm not even close to my goal, not yet. I'm so deep into it, I can't even remember to brush my teeth before bed some nights. Taking on a relationship, that's stupid. It can't go anywhere, I won't be present in the relationship. So what's the point?"

"You're such an idiot."

"I know." Alice sighed. "But my career and my family... they come first."

Now

Doctor Alice Blake had endured the death of her father at a young age, pulled herself out of a rut when she had to, watched her mother slip into dementia as she never recovered from her husbands death, followed by eight years of overloaded courses, practicums, exams that made her hair turn grey with stress. She had dealt with vigourous training to be launched into space, she survived months in a small ship with only six other people, and then powered through a messy break up. She dealt with the death of a friend, and then the discovery that he was simply stranded and unlikely to survive. All of that, she could look back on and say she'd do it again if it meant she'd be where she was now. She'd done right by so many people, and none of what she'd dealt with in the past scared her like Doctor Chris Beck telling her that he loved her.

She gaped at him like an idiot.

Chris always knew that his feelings for her were always a bit stronger than hers were for him. From the moment he laid eyes on her, he knew. But that did not mean he was going to turn away feelings for her, if he even could. He was surprised that he had told her, after everything that was going on, he knew that it wasn't the best time to be saying it. He did not expect to hear it back from her, it was too soon. When he had heard that Alice Blake was going to be a part of the crew, Beck felt something inside of him that had previously been dormant for years spark up once again. He was still smiling at Alice, while she was still gaping at him.

Alice thought about the idea of love, wondering what it really meant, and if it even meant the same thing between different people. There were so many kinds of love, ways to love, and ideals of love. She stared blankly at Chris Beck while she thought about the very feeling she wondered if she had it within her. When she said she loved Patrick, it eventually became a mandatory thing to say; near the end it felt more and more like a chore, as if it took effort to pull it from her vocal cords. Her eyes maneuvered their way to Beck's solid blue ones; he had such a muscular smile that paired well with his muscular laughter. There was something in the way he was around her that made Alice wonder if she'd forgotten what love felt like over the years, and this was why she was struggling to know whether or not to say it back.

"It's a lot to process, I know," Beck said and his smile never faltered. "I don't expect a reply."

She wanted so badly to say something, to say anything. But the words were failing her, her tongue felt as though it was numb and was unable to move. She looked up at Beck as he stood up from his chair and stepped over to her swiftly. Standing in front of her, he brought his fingers to her chin and tilted her head so that he could look into her eyes; he could see so much emotion in those bright green eyes of hers, but knew that he wouldn't be hearing those words any time soon. To be fair, he said he thought he loved her, but deep down he knew that he was in love with her. The words were a scary thing to say, especially when the whole relationship was unconventional, forbidden and almost confusing.

Beck wanted to say more, but instead he simply smiled at her, playfully winked, and left the room. Alice let out a breath that she didn't realize she was holding, as if there hadn't been enough air for the two of them in the station. Now that he was gone, she realized that she'd made another mistake between them, and while Beck said he hadn't expected a reply, she should have at least said something. 

Once again, she'd been a complete idiot, but she didn't get up and go chasing after him. Instead, she told herself that she really had to think about if she loved him or not, and what that really meant. She brought her nails to her mouth and began to nibble, kicking herself for her cowardice. But she still didn't get up to catch him; this wasn't a movie, she wasn't going to rush to him and spill her heart out to him, she wasn't going to wrap her arms around him in the low gravity halls while they spun around flawlessly and beautifully.

Because Alice knew that if she said it now, she might be influenced by the duress of everything else going on around her. She wondered if- and figured that- Beck had told her because of the supply probe launch failure. That he had realized again and again that not everything was going to go according to plan, anything could happen, and he didn't want to miss his opportunity to tell her how he felt. Alice leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath. She wasn't going to say the words to Beck because she was unsure if that was the feeling in her heart, and in her mind. Then suddenly, Alice smiled. A smile that spread from her pink lips to her cheeks, from her cheeks to her chest where her heart beat a little faster. Down her arms goosebumps prickled her flesh, and her whole body felt numb in a pleasant kind of way.

And still she remained where she was; she didn't go chasing after Beck.

The time would come where it was right for her to return the words.