I Think I've Had Enough

Chapter 34:When words aren't warm enough to keep away the cold

The kitchen lights were dimmed so low that Tallulah could barely see. Jillian sat up to the counter, her eyes glazed and distant. "They had an affair," Tallulah said factually. Her voice knowing more than it should and admitting it without hesitation.

Jillian stared down into her wine glass. "They never had an affair." her voice was bitter as she lifted her third glass of chardonnay to her lips.

"It's all over the internet." Tallulah said starting to pity her mother. "There are articles dating back to 2005."

"You shouldn't read that shit," Jillian said setting her glass on the table and reaching to the bottle for a refill.

"Maybe it's not shit," Tallulah leaned against the counter trying to find her mother's eye line. When she did, Tallulah felt a tingle of pain in her chest. The look of devastation in her mother's eyes was more than she could handle.

"For Christ sake Tallulah," Jillian yelled, "Just don't do it." Her words hit a weird nerve inside of Tallulah's stomach. A foreign feeling spread across her body.

It's a strange feeling, waking up from a nap in an unusual place was her first thought. Tallulah's eyes flickered open slowly. Her tiny fingers brushed against the leather of the couch. The room was dark. She froze in fear, momentarily wondering if the monsters were coming for her. Had she been abducted by aliens? Maybe she had turned into sleeping beauty. Glancing around for the prince, she realized where she was. Her father's trailer, and then she remembered her mother dropping her off to spend the day on set. Silly girl. Comforted, her eyes started to blink again, she was still tired.

At first, she could faintly hear the sound of whispers. They sounded like little fairies, or the murmurs of the trees blowing in a soft breeze. But after a moment she could make out her father's voice. Her eyes blinking open and closed, she could make out the figure of her father and his friend Ellen at the other end of the trailer. She could hear them, but her eyes were too heavy to stay open for very long. "Don't do it."

"Patrick," Ellen's voice waivered.

"Don't do it," his voice was firmer this time. Tallulah's eyes flickered open for a second to watch her dad turn away from Ellen and run his hands through his hair aggressively.

"Yes, father, whatever you say." Ellen cracked a smile but even Tallulah could tell Patrick wasn't happy about something.

"Don't do that either," he said irritated by her lack of seriousness.

"Do what?" Ellen asked rolling her eyes.

"Don't act like I'm not losing anything by watching you do this," he said letting his gaze drift to the ground.

"What are you losing?" Ellen said firmly. "A few stolen kisses and a friend to flirt with?"

"Come on Ellen," he said raising his voice a little. "This is more than that and we both know it.."

"So what if it is?" Ellen yelled. "What does it matter if it's something more when we both know we will never do anything about it.."

"El," he said softly, "I just need time." Patrick cleared his throat. "Please," his voice was desperate. "Give me a month."

"It's been almost three years, Patrick," Ellen looked at him with sincerely pained, but confident eyes. "You've had enough time. We've had enough time."

"Damn it, Ellen," he raised his voice for a second and then caught it before Tallulah even stirred.

"Why are you doing this?" Ellen was starting to lose the calm demeanor she was usually so good at keeping with him. "I'm in love with you." Her words were sharp and bitter, "do you think I need you to ask me not to do this? Don't you think I have already considered not going through with it? Don't you think I've already put this off a year for Christ sake? I've been putting it off. I have to talk myself out of leaving him every day. But you know what it comes down to? You know why I always stay?" She stared at Patrick blankly. "Because if I left. I still wouldn't be with the man I love. I would go home alone, to an empty house. And you, you would go home to your family." Tallulah could hear Ellen start to cry now. Her eyes flickered open as she watched Patrick move to Ellen's side.

He hovered behind her for a moment. Close enough to feel the shape of her butt brush against his thighs. He closed his eyes, rested his nose against her ear, breathing in her scent. Her hair was soft against the side of his face. It sent a wave of emotion through him. "El," he said in a nearly inaudible tone.

She didn't respond, she was too focused on the way his breath felt against her neck. It took every ounce of her self control to not turn around and feel his lips against hers. Her heart started to race in her chest. Ellen arched her back, nearly falling into him. Her shape fit seamlessly into his, as if they were always supposed to have fit together. A sudden chill swept over her and she let out a sigh. He traced his finger down her bare arm, "Please," she said breathlessly, "Please don't." She pulled away from him, steadying her breath, "Don't talk me out of this."

"Daddy," Tallulah's voice was groggy.

Patrick swallowed hard and looked to his daughter. "Coming baby." He turned, "Shit," he said under his breath turning to Ellen, "Do you think she heard us?"

"She's five years old, Patrick. Even if she did, she wouldn't understand." Ellen said firmly.