Winter Air [H.S.]

Seven

Ava
----

December 1st. It's already December 1st. Time had flown past without daring to let us move with it. 

I sat on the edge of my bed, attempting to wipe the sleep from my eyes. 

December 1st. It as only thirty more days until 2014. Honestly time, maybe it's time for you to take  breather and let the rest of us can catch up. It seems awfully rude of you to keep going while the rest of us slow pokes trudge along. 

It was hard to believe that another Christmas was approaching. The fifth Christmas without my best friend. My Mother. 

A shiver runs through my body, electrifying all of my senses. I couldn't allow myself to grieve any more. I has been five years. It is time to get up and move on with my life. 

So I did. 

It was December 1st. The first day of December and the first day of snowfall. Outside, white flakes coated the dark city buildings. It was a coat of white and grey. A blur of winter. The snow fell on my eyelashes, blinding me briefly. The wind chill nipped at my nose turning red on instant. It was undeniable the drastic change in temperature. However, I didn't mind. There was something soothing about the wintertime. It was once said that everything was more magical in the snow. I couldn't deny that. It did. It looked beautiful, peaceful. I felt beautiful, peaceful in the snow. 

It was another dreary day at Mita's. This was not new. Customers came and customers went. Mugs were filled and cannoli's were stuffed. It wasn't that I was complaining. I was thankful for this job. But, some days I wished I could do something more with my life. Accomplish my dreams. 

Like Harry. 

Harry. It's funny. I never thought I'd find someone that could easily open up the walls that I have strongly secured. He had a way of doing it. Maybe it was his soft, husky voice. Maybe it was the way his deep green eyes seemed to bore into your soul. Or perhaps.. Perhaps it was the way that he seemed to understand. He didn't judge me. He listened and he understood. The funny part about this whole situation? I was letting him listen and understand me. 

I promised myself that after my mother passed away, I wouldn't open myself up to anyone. By doing so, you are risking the chance of losing them. Death had a way of wrecking relationships, love. I was a victim of it's vindictive wreckage. I was not going to let myself become a victim again. 

But here I am. With a new friend. A comrade. 

My day was over, but the thoughts of a curly haired man was not. He seemed to consume every part of my curiosity. 

I was not falling in love.

This is not what it happening. 

But I am no longer opposed to friendship. That in itself is scarier than falling in love. 

The crackling of the fireplace is the only thing that could be heard in my small apartment. The television is murmuring in the background. The only thing that is loud and clear is my mind. Without hesitation I grab my phone and click the first name I see. 

Ring. Ring. Ring. 

"Hello?" His husky voice brings shivers to my body. Goosebumps unafraid to make its way to the surface of my pale arm. "Ava?"

I let out a cough, "Hey Harry." My voice was a lot lighter than I intended. 

“Hey” he cooed. “How are you?” 

“I’m good! Thanks. I was bored and thought I’d give you a call.” She wasn’t sure why she told him that. Smooth talking was not one of her specialties. 

"I am doing alright," he lets out a chuckle. "I'm just sitting here, reading. Trying to understand your obsession with Jane Austen." 

"She's a romantic genius. Are you giving Emma a second chance like I told you to?"

"Yes, and I still don't understand your obsession with her. She was nosy and blind." 

"Not at all! All she wanted was to see her friend be happy and in love. You can't deny that!" 

"But her imagination got the best of her and she ended up hurting the ones that she loved. Plus, she totally messed up with Frank." I could hear his smirk with every word he said. I let out a small huff.

"Okay, but she ended up realizing her true love for Mr. Knightley and they got engaged. It shows that you can still find love regardless of your situation." I say with all the confidence I had, and extremely proud of myself. Clearly, I won this banter session. 

"Alright, you win this round." He laughs and I join him. Our laughter ending with a peaceful silence. 

"Do you believe in love?" he asks me. I hesitate for a moment, completely taken back from his question. I sit for a moment to put my thoughts together. 

"I think some people are luckier than others when it comes to love. Some people get to love for a lifetime with another person that is hopelessly in love with you back. But there are other people that don't get a chance to fall in love because love has hurt them." I stop for a moment before continuing, "I believe that love exists, but not everyone is lucky enough to experience it." 

Silence lingers for what feels like an eternity before Harry lets out a breath. 

"What about you?" 

Silence returns. I can hear him opening his moth before shutting it again- thinking about how to answer the question. 

"I think love is a set up for heartbreak. It fucks you up. You can meet an amazing person, fall in love, and then they get ripped out from under you. Love makes you feel raw and vulnerable. I'd rather become a lonley old man, but know that I am happy. Rather than get married and live on edge, worried that your love is going to get taken away from you." 

I let out a small gasp, taken back by his words. 

"Have you ever been in love?" I ask him. 

"Yes," he replies quickly. "But like I said, love is a sick bastard that likes to play with your emotions." 

I think about how to respond but Harry is quick to speak. "But Ava, just because I don't believe in the goodness of love doesn't mean that I'm right. If you believe in love, then don't lose it." 

I lean back, letting my head rest on the back cushion. I don't know how to respond to his words.

"Well, I'm not planning on falling in love any time soon. I have too much on my plate anyways." 

He lets out another laugh. "Here's to being lonely losers, with a house full of grumpy cats." I join him in laughter, while imaging him lifting up his mug of tea pretending to hit mine. I begin to feel my eyes slowly close, sleep overcoming my body. 

"Harry?"

"Yes love?" 

I feel a blush creep up. "It's getting late. I'm going to go to bed."

"Okay. I'm sorry if I scared you off of relationships."

"You didn't."

"Good. Well- goodnight Ava." 

"Goodnight Harry." And with that I hang up, placing my phone on my bedside table. If there was one thing that struck me was absolute confusion. Why did I feel a sudden pang in my chest? It wasn't as if Harry's words meant anything to me. We were friends. Not in a relationship. Why did it bother me so much that he was so closed off from falling in love? 

Slipping into my covers, my mind races overanalyzing the conversation from an hour previous. That night thoughts of a certain curly haired man continues to invade my dreams and thoughts. And with that, curiosity and the fluttering of a confused heart.