Alexa. (#1)

(32)

My throat hurt like hell and my stomach killed me.

I wasn't sick, but I was in pain. 3 days ago, Noah and I sat outside the club on the curb, just sitting together. No talking or complaining, just sitting there with his arm over my shoulders. And it was the best time of my life to say the least. But there was this nagging feeling in the back of my mind saying that I should tell him called guilt. But I had to ignore it. He didn't need to know, what he was feeling now was simply a small slight crush on me; he hasn't even known me for that long to be that attached to me. And for that, here I am, in my bed, too mentally tired to do anything. Mom kept checking on me every once in a while but I was too frustrated to do anything but lie down.

"Lexi?" mom says as she comes in. I sit up as she gets in. She smiles when she sees me and I return it with a small, strained one.

"Why don't we go to the zoo, huh? Just like when you were young. Just you and me." She says with an excited face. I smile at her and nod. She squeals as she gets out.

"See you in 15." She says as she closes the door after her. I sigh as I get up and go to the bathroom quickly. I brush my hair and tie it in a loose ponytail as I put a grey hoodie and maroon sweatpants on. I put on my Nike running shoes and grab my phone as I go to the kitchen and grab an energy bar as mom comes down the stairs wearing some boyfriend jeans and a T-shirt on it. I throw the energy bar's wrapper away and then get up and follow her to the car. She starts driving while making me listen to some very old music that I kept rolling my eyes and groaning at while she laughed at me and soon enough, we were in front of the zoo. Mom parked and got us tickets as we go inside the crowded place. Kids were literally running and squealing everywhere that my eyes widened. Mom laughs at them as she grabs my hand and starts pulling me towards an empty and quiet spot in the garden which overviews the whole place. She sits and pulls me down beside her.

"I remember you loved this place. You made me bring you here once a week, on Fridays after you finished kindergarten and all you'd come here and run to this exact same spot we're sitting in and just sit there for full on 4 hours till the sun sets and it would be really dark for you to even see anything. Then we would leave. You just sat there with your legs hugged to your chest and you never made a single sound. In the winter, I used to bring you hot chocolate from that man who is now selling ice cream since it's summer but in winter he makes the most delicious hot chocolate. I remember these days." She says as she looks at the man, feeling nostalgia radiating off her. I smile warmly at her as a yawn wrenches out of me. I was feeling really tired today and the pain in my stomach was increasing but it still was bearable. Derek sent me advanced pain killers to help me these next few months. I know he's paying for them as well so it's been making me even more miserable for them to pass this grieving mess alongside with me.

"You tired?" mom says, snapping me out of my trance. I nod as I lie down on the grass. She adjusts herself so I put my head on her leg as she pats my head.

"How are you today?" she asks.

"Feeling guilty." I say, opening up.

"Why?"

"Because I am hiding this from Noah. I feel that he needs to know." I say as my eyes fill with tears. Mom continues to pat my head lovingly as I try to keep my tears in.

"Darling, I am gonna be honest with you, I didn't approve on the concept from the first place but it happened, so what you should do is fix this up, tell him. With this love look in his eyes I see every time he sees you, I say he won't be mad. You just need the guts to tell him." She says as she continues patting my head. I sigh and nod as I sit up, feeling my phone vibrating. I take it out t see Noah calling me.

"One second, mom." I say. She waves at me as she takes out her phone and starts browsing in some application. I answer the phone as I get up and start pacing lazily in the garden.

"Hello?" I say.

"Sunshine! Dear, how are you doing in this fine, lovely, amazing afternoon?" he says, badly copying a posh accent. I giggle.

The hell? Did I just giggle?

What is happening to me?

"Hello to you to, sir. How can I be in your assistance?" I say. He laughs and sighs at the end.

"What do you think about going on a road trip with me for the next 2 days?" he says.

"What?" I say as I halt into a stop.

"Well, today is the 16th of July, and I thought why not go on a road trip together for the next 2 days and return on the 19th?" he says, and I can just imagine him shrugging.

"Um, I gotta ask my mom, I guess." I say as I laugh. "Just you and me, though?" I add as I bite at the skin surrounding my nails; bad habit, I know.

"Yeah, I think so." He says. "I'll take my dad's Land Rover so we have a big space to put the bags and all, come on, it'll be fun." He adds.

"Wait up a second, then." I say as I put him on hold.

"Mom?" I say as I head towards her, she looks up from her phone.

"What?" she says.

"Can I go on a road trip with Noah?" I say. She raises her eyebrows as she wears an amused expression and she wiggles her eyebrows at me.

"Oh, just both of you?" she say. My eyes widen when I understand what she's implying.

"No, no, no, no, not like that. Not like that at all. Mom, please, focus. Can I go?" I ask as a blush creeps up my cheeks and neck.

"For how long?" she asks.

"We will be back on my birthday, and we're moving tomorrow I guess." I say. She takes I a deep breath as she looks at me.

"Fine, but don't you dare do something I wouldn't do." She says with a smirk.

"Mom!" I say as I turn into a human sized tomato. She laughs as I continue blushing.

"Thank you!" I say as I un-hold Noah and press the phone to my ear.

"Noah?" I say.

"All of this time so I could know your opinion?" he says as he laughs and I join.

"Well, she said yes, so?" I say.

"Yes! Finally! I will come pick you up at 10 AM or something. Okay?" he says.

"Yeah sure, I'm okay with that." I say.

"Alright, see you tomorrow, Sunshine." He says.

"Bye!" I say enthusiastically as I hang up and start making my way to mom.

"Ready to go home?" she says. I nod as I help her get up and we start walking to the car, the moment we get in and all, I start thinking.

Okay, cancer, you can hold your shit together for only 3 more days, right?

I hope you won't fail me, cancer.