"If I paid you fifty dollars, would you push me down the stairs?"
"I'd do it for free, why? What's up? Are my excellent stair-pushing skills finally going to get their time to shine? You pregnant or something?"
"Yes, actually, I am. It's yours."
"'Kay, cool, I'll help you get rid of it."
"How can you say that? This is our baby. I thought you loved me!"
"Wasn't that the original plan, anyways?"
"That was a test, and you failed, by the way. Failed on every single level. I am appalled. To think, you wouldn't want our beautiful Beauregard. You wouldn't want the glorious expression of our love."
"You named it?"
"He is our child, not an it, Mina. Keep it up and you'll be losing your visitation rights. Do you really want our child to grow up without you?"
"Oh no, whatever will I do?"
"Cry every night, obviously. Hermit away from the rest of the world in shame. Dream of missed opportunities you could have had with Beauregard and I. Cry even more."
"Hopefully he doesn't have your overactive imagination."
"Hopefully he doesn't have your mean streak."
"What was that about pushing you down the stairs?"
"Right, yes, well, that should be arranged. I don't want to do my essay. I figure if I'm unconscious, then they can't make me write it."
"You're setting up such a great example for our child."
"Or else, you want to write this fifteen page essay on Aristotelian theory due by midnight tonight?"
"What's that? I can't hear you over my lack of caring."
"I'll take that as a soft maybe."
"Maybe you shouldn't have left it last minute, you know, just a thought. Although it's a Friday night, you wouldn't be doing anything anyways, right?"
"Oh, and you have such awesome plans?"
"I do, actually. I'm getting picked up in fifteen minutes."
"So you're not going to spend your entire Friday night listening to me complain on the phone?"
"Ah, I wish, but duty calls. Have fun with your old gay dead dudes. Stop procrastinating, too."
"Fine. Be safe."
"Be safe, what are you, my father?"
"Considering all those times you've given me fear-boners, I really hope not."
"Oh right, because then that would be weird. Not the fear-boners themselves."
"So you'll be safe is what you're saying. I know it might be hard to believe, but I'm not the weirdest thing out there."
"I'll be fine, Dad. Goodnight."
"Night, Mina."
***
stay tuned for a fun surprise in a minute.
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Once Upon a Bathroom Stall
Teen Fiction❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be so...
