Beauty And Her Beast

31 - Doubts and Mystery Men

Like the shaking of the ground as a natural disaster wreaked havoc, Danny's heart ached and she tried desperately to somehow keep herself together. To keep her world from falling apart, from being destroyed by a force that was otherwise out of her control. She could wipe her eyes until the skin on her hands were raw and her lashes had been rubbed bare. She could run from the place that was supposed to protect her and walk until her ankles could no longer support her weight. She could hypnotize herself into believing what he said wasn't true or, even better, that she simply didn't care. But she knew none of it would really build the damn Ray just created in her heart.

Sniffling, Danny wrapped her arms tighter around herself and kept pressing forward. Like every Chicago winter, the cold was a wet one, a type of cold that soaked through your clothing and pooled in bottom of your socks. It wrapped around her tighter than the jacket she was wearing and the heat from her tears burned her cold skin. She wanted to go back inside, maybe find a better jacket at least, but she was too far gone to go back now and, even if by miracle she knew the path back, what would be the reason?

A gust of cold air only increased the tears in Danny's eyes and she whimpered, trying her hardest to keep her head down. The cold was brutal but her chest hurt the most. She still couldn't believe the argument her and Ray had just gotten into. The things he'd said to her, the way he raised his voice, or even the way he looked at her. She tried to convince herself it was just stress, that he was just pushing her away because-despite how cruel his words had been-behind it all he really did love and want her safe. But even if that was the case, even if he really was just building walls and trying to do what was best for Danny's sake and he was somehow justified in his own sick way, that didn't stop the burn did it? That didn't stop the slap in her face he'd delivered or the doubts he'd just poured into her mind and crumbling heart.

This wasn't Danny's lifestyle. The hiding out in warehouses, the not speaking to her friends and family, the constantly looking over her shoulder because you never know when you'll have to dodge a bullet-none of that was Danny and the fact of the matter was for days now she'd been carrying a weight that was slowly ruining her. She was stressed, terrified, and lost living in a world she knew nothing about. Foolishly, she'd held onto the weight though. Not because she thought she was strong and knew she could handle it eventually, but because she had faith in the man she loved. She had faith that, despite how hard it was for her to pretend she was okay with everything going on and that she could just fall in line and accept that she was tied in this all somehow, Ray would be there at the end to carry her through.

Maybe she didn't always say it out loud, but she knew this was just as hard for her as it was Ray. Sure all of Chicago thought he killed with no feelings, no second thoughts of hesitations, but surely you had to feel something. Surely being Charlie Brown affected him somehow. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, Danny knew it was.

So she had tried to be on her best behavior.

She didn't ask much of him, she didn't ever threaten to call the cops of be a nuisance of any sort, and, despite how it conflicted so drastically with her morals, she never pushed him to be something he wasn't or stop being who he'd become.

Or at least she thought she hadn't.

But what if Ray was right?

What if she'd been forcing this fairytale life on him and just adding to the load he was already carrying on his shoulders? What if she was the problem just like Ray had said? What if there really was no future for either of them?

Danny stopped.

She couldn't walk anymore. Not when each step brought more and more doubts.