Phil Lester
I walk out of the building, outside towards the concreted paths which are a part of the premises, keeping a safe distance away from Dan. I don't want to make any more mistakes, trap myself in this cycle anymore than I already have.
I just hope everything ended in that unfamiliar room yesterday, I hope Dan got the hint that I am really trying to distance myself from him, that I want to do nothing with him.
That I don't want to be a part of his one night stands and all his games and that I don't want him to mess with my mind anymore.
He seems to respect my space, for now, as he walks a foot away from me, glancing at me every other second as if to make sure that I am still there. I was so adamant on believing that Dan is an absolute jerk who deserves none of my time but now he goes and does something like this. Making the whole project on his own and trying not to be a dick, and fuck this is really hard.
It is really hard to not smile at him or thank him or just do something with him because he is so damn irresistible and I'm glad. I am glad that I am trying to distance myself from him, I think it's working? Not so sure.
"Um, how about there?" His tone is awkward and I look over to where he's gesturing at, my mouth falling open.
This was the same place we kissed.
After which he did that with Jemima I guess. Still don't remember her name.
"Yeah sure," I manage to choke out and he just nods, pursing his lips and making his way towards the same fucking wall.
I know what he's doing.
Once we reach the painfully familiar wall, he pulls out his phone, and there is an awkward moment where we decide where to stand before I come slightly closer to him, six inches of space between our shoulders.
"You won't fit in frame like that, you need to come closer," He breathes, and I look at him skeptically before shifting just a little, and he sighs, thinking for a while before he curses under his breath and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me to him.
I can feel my stomach churn at the lone action, and I stare at him with wide eyes, just as he snaps a picture and then he looks over to me with a confused expression, his face just a few centimetres away.
"Just for the picture," he explains, gaze shifting from my eyes to my lips a few times before he looks away, biting his lip and tightening his grip on my waist, raising up the phone once again as I try to control my breathing.
We take a few awkward pictures before Dan lets go of my waist and I let out a deep breath, fixing my fringe nervously as he swipes through the screen.
"Which one do you like best?" He mutters, and I shrug, trying to act as casual as possible and begin to walk away, before his fingers grip my wrist stopping me from going. This is all too familiar.
Please don't try anything Dan. Please.
"I-I, um, sorry," he stutters and lets go of my hand once I turn around, his hands playing with his phone to give him something else to focus on instead of the tension in the air.
"What?"
"I'm sorry," he repeats, tilting his head slightly to look at me and I just purse my lips in confusion. Why is he doing this?
"F-For what?"
"For yesterday? For everything, I am sorry for being a dick," He speaks quickly, as if he is not registering his words and I can feel my heart warm. No. No I can't let him in again.
Fuck you Dan Howell.
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so yesterday i was going through the comments and fuck you guys are so sweet and understanding and aren't pressuring me to update constantly, i love you so much
