rock my head ✧ meanie

Twenty Two

"Mum, dad, I- I'm gay."

The words came out of Wonwoo's mouth, seemingly disconnected with his thoughts and his common sense and as soon as he closed his mouth again he realised it was too late to take it back. What had been said couldn't be unsaid and Wonwoo was overwhelmed with a flooding sense of regret.

"What?" his father repeated, blinking and looking at Wonwoo with a gaze fixated on him.

Wonwoo wished the floor would swallow him up.

His mother put her hand on his shoulder. "Wonwoo-"

"Wonwoo, you're seventeen years old. Take some time to think it through," interrupted his father, not breaking his stare at Wonwoo, "you can't just decide something this huge at such a young age."

"It's okay, Wonwoo, we love you," sighed his mother, wrapping her arms around him, "we're so proud."

"You can't know yet," his father cut off again, placing a hand on his wife's shoulder to break the hug she was giving Wonwoo, "give it more thought."

"Wonwoo?" asked Wonwoo's mum, rubbing circles into his shoulder, "you aren't saying anything."

Wonwoo's dad sighed and shook his head. "There's nothing that needs to be said. This is some phase or something, don't decide so soon."

Biting on his bottom lip, Wonwoo kept his gaze firmly focused on the floor, not wanting to speak up but at the same time feeling like he had so much to say; that he had a boyfriend, other people who accepted him, that he had known for five years that he wasn't straight. He remained silent, instead, and played nervously with the cuffs of his fancy blazer.

"What do you have to say, Wonwoo?" asked his mother in a soft voice.

Wonwoo opened his mouth to speak, still looking at the floor. He didn't think he could face the disappointed look he assumed was on his family's face.

"I really feel this way," Wonwoo spoke up, sounding and feeling very small and quiet, "I'm sorry."

"How can you say that?" asked his father, "you're too young to think like this. You don't know-"

"I have a boyfriend," said Wonwoo, a little louder, "and friends who accept me." He broke eye contact with the floor and looked up at his father. "Why can't you do the same?"

In one sudden movement, muddled up with a sudden impulse and a backing track of his mother sighing his name and his father's disappointed silence, Wonwoo turned around and went out again the way he had came in late just ten minutes before, stepping back into the evening and closing the door behind him.

The evening which had been so nice and warm when he was happy, with Mingyu, when he had felt supported, felt a lot colder on Wonwoo's skin as the night began to arrive and the sky darkened. Wonwoo felt like crying but he knew he had to hold it in for now.

Wonwoo ran.

He ran as fast as he could away from his front door, still in his fancy clothes from the dinner a little while earlier, smart shoes smacking the pavement as he ran.

The clouds darkened even further and Wonwoo stopped for a second to catch his breath because he was gasping for air so much that it felt like his lungs would break through his ribs. There was a rumbling noise and all of a sudden there was a drop of something cold and wet in Wonwoo's eye, and then more and more drops until it was pouring with relentless rain, leaving Wonwoo's dress shirt and trousers soaked through in just the minute he had stopped.

Still, Wonwoo ran. He knew where he wanted to go, and the rain wouldn't stop him.

He felt cold, with his clothing dripping wet and his hair plastered to his face, paled and flushed from the cold, and there was water from the puddles he ran through all soaking through into his shoes.

Wonwoo stopped after a while, panting with breath, as he pushed open the gate to the park by his house and stepped inside.

He had only been in the park in such bad weather one time before, and that felt a whole lot better than it did when he was in it that moment, because he was with Mingyu and it had eventually led up to what Wonwoo held very highly as the best moment of his life where Mingyu and himself had finally become what Wonwoo had desired for so long.

This time, however, was different, because Wonwoo felt something different; he felt numb, like he didn't know what to think or do or why he had left the house and why he had even spoken up in the first place. The realisation of what had just happened hit him like the rain on his skin as he sat down on the swings and suddenly it felt like Wonwoo had crashed into a huge brick wall and it had all gone wrong.

Wonwoo found himself crying on his own in the rain on the swing, arms huddling his jacket close to his chest in a failed attempt to shield the rain and stay warm, head hanging down and the tears on his cheeks blending in with the rain falling down.

It was almost therapeutic, as the thunder growled in the clouds and Wonwoo could finally let out all the stress he had been feeling for so long and nobody could hear him, and how it had all been building up and building up and it had finally been the last straw.

That moment, Wonwoo felt complete and utter confliction. It was like he didn't know what to feel. He was angry and upset that his father hadn't accepted him for who he actually was, the fact that he was jealous that Mingyu had such a kind, accepting family and Wonwoo's father was simply trying to dismiss what he had said.

Wonwoo was gay, he liked guys, and at that moment in time his father might have not accepted him but he knew in that moment he had to talk to someone who did.

Pulling his thankfully still dry phone from the inside pocket of his jacket, he shielded the screen from the rain as best as he could with a sodden blazer sleeve and pressed on a contact, hitting the 'call' button and holding the phone to his ears.

The person on the other end of the line picked up after a few beeps and Wonwoo raised his voice over the sound of the rain.

"Hey Mingyu? I need to see you."

sorry that was very emotional i feel so bad for my boi wonu i love my son

also i feel so bad for dongwoo right now i hope he doesnt push himself into infinite activities too quickly i know inspirits and infinite and his family will be with him supporting him all the way... also speaking of infinite i cried over the teasers help

also someone explain what tf is happening with bangtan and wings and all that shit atm i have too many theories

and last but definitely not least thank you all so much for 5k reads wowowowowowow  i cant believe this is actually happening im so shook ily guys!!!!!

sooo i made a promise with my hoe @blurryxjoon that id publish a verkwan ive been drafting for aaaages when i hit 5k reads and the time has come so comment if you want me to publish it!!!