RAGE

Chapter 5. Seeking Rage

Scarlett

"How are you feeling?"

"Not so great, I had another nightmare. I had to take the pill." I mumbled looking up at the ceiling while I lay on my shrink's couch.

"How many?" She asserted sternly. I rolled my eyes and chose to ignore it. More than one... I thought.

I woke up drowsy and emotionally exhausted. I tried to sit up and find the strength within me to face the day today. Instead, here I am...

"Scarlett, I can't help you if you don't want to be helped." She said, seemingly exhausted. I have lost count of how many times we have gone over this in the past 2 years. If it weren't for Timothy forcing me into getting therapy I wouldn't even be here.

My nightmares and self-destructive behaviour pushed him to the edge. Being an overprotective twin to a broken person like me has to be exhausting, not to mention if I lost sleep so did he... He spent most of our first year consoling me after my nightmare episodes. It used to take him a while in getting me back to the present after waking up. Those were the nights when I felt like I was back in that hell...

Ever since I started therapy it's been easier on him. I am more... vocal? Expressive? Promiscuous? I prefer sleeping rather than facing my problems. It has mostly created a new problem for her to tackle but hey at least I am sleeping right?

Whatever the fuck my shrink has done, it has worked...

"What changed?" she asserted.

"Don't you get tired of asking that question?" I countered avoiding that question. I don't think I want to tell her exactly what or who has entered my life...

"Hey, you are paying me, we can do this for the rest of our lives, you can dodge this question now, tomorrow, one year from now until one of us is in a wheelchair or a mental asylum. You tell me, we will take that path." She said sarcastically. I turn to look at her sudden sarcasm and she smiles sweetly at me. Bitch...

Ruth is probably as old as dinosaurs.

But she is good. I bet all her young Gen Z clients adore her. She has a way to make you talk. Her wrinkly white face with owl-like big eyes behind those round glasses almost made her look comical but her short curly red hair and a thin pointy nose were all the works. She only had to look at you a certain way to let you know she is not done with your shit and she will not hesitate to put you in your place. Her tiny body does no justice to the force of a woman Ruth is.

I turn back to stare up at the ceiling.

"I am horny these days," I admit. She hmms... I turn to look at her and scowl.

"Hmm.. that's all?" I say through clenched teeth. She chuckles.

"It's been a while since you have expressed an emotion other than self-loathing and hatred." She admits, nodding.

"Trust me, it surprises me too..." I replied dryly.

"Who is the lucky gent?" She asks still smiling like a duck.

I turn away, back at the ceiling. With my arms under my head, I move my feet from left to right.

"A very sexy gentleman... Hottest guy I have ever laid my eyes on." I murmur. I don't like talking about you, Rage. Especially not with women. It almost chills me that I already don't want to share you. I am again a child with abandonment issues and want to cling to the first thing that gave her a little bit of attention.

"What's so different about him other than his looks?" She prods. I sigh.

"I wish there were ways I could express what I truly feel... He is mysterious and quiet. Somehow I feel a connection with him and I know he feels the same way. I just..." I stop midsentence. Unable to find meaningful words for my sudden infatuation with men and sexual relationships.