the journal - h.s.

19

My fingertips only an inch from his side. It was strange how you could be so impossibly close to a person, but still feel as if you were on two separate planets in two different solar systems.

Even if I closed the minimal space between my fingertips and the side of his hip, I would still remain a stranger to him. A nameless stranger with a prying mind. He probably thought I was insane for still being here. But how could I leave? How could you walk away from something so beautiful yet fragile? How could you leave it behind as if it had gone past you unnoticed? As if you had not been blinded by the perfection and had your heart shattered by the uncertainty. And then I finally realized how he could possibly contain both persons in him. The guy writing words that would make the beauty of the stars to shame, but at the same time could throw himself at a bed and keep his face in features as if he had taking the place of Atlas. He was like day and night. He was like love and hate. One part could not consist without the other.

He was filled with both the worst and the best. The most beautiful thoughts and at the same time the most haunting ones.

My fascination of him was overwhelming here in the dark room, where everything you could just make out was bathed in a dulled red light. The papers on the floor in the middle of the room were crimson. Giving everything a surrealistic feeling.

It was this fascination, this surrealistic feeling that led my hand further. I had to make sure he was there. That he was real. Because how could he possibly be?

Softly my fingertips came in contact with the fabric. I watched in awe at the contradiction between his black trousers and the pale skin.

It felt as if the whole place had suddenly frozen in time. His chest filled with air stayed in place, the lights from the moving cars far beneath in the street froze, the music roaring from the other room muted.

He was real.

The touch was so light, that I wasn’t sure he had even noticed as he lay there on his back, eyes closed. Still waiting for my response to his wondering and disbelieving why.

As he made a movement I shocked pulled my hand back. Heart bumping frantically. Eyes widening. The moment had passed. I watched how he simply moved his arm from behind his head to pick up the paper plane necklace. Playing with it in his big hand.

“I assume there isn’t really an explanation then.” A sigh escaped his full lips as he kept his eyes closed. I realized he might, just maybe in the deepest part of his heart had hoped. Hoped for there actually being a reason for me to be happy to see him. To have found him. To stay here. But that my silence had crushed that last small hope. His tone was dead. Numb. Careless now.

My lips parted to tell him that was not true. My lips parted so I could finally tell him. Convince him. Somehow make him believe that he was more than anyone else I had ever met. Ever encountered. That he possessed gifts, which others craved for. A talent which only few people in history had had. That he was special, something. That his thoughts and doodles and little poems. That his lyrics and notations were simply outstandingly beautiful.

With my heart bumping the adrenaline around in my body, as I was about to tell him. Open his eyes. Do anything in my power to convince him. Make him forget those harsh words somebody had once made him believe. I inhaled air mind buzzing with how I could possibly form the words rightfully. How I could possibly tell him with simple words how he was completely misjudging himself. How could words be enough? I needed something better than words.

I was not sure how to start but the first sound was on the tip of my tongue about to break the spell of silence as the door swung wide open bringing with it such a force from the music that I nearly choked on the unspoken words.

A flaming red haired Jenny held her hand on the doorknob squinting with her eyes in the sudden darkness.

The arubt movement of the door had pulled Harry up, as a puppet in strings. His eyes wide open and his muscular back completely straightened. I could sense how his breathing had become more rapidly from that very same shock, which I had gotten. His peaceful yet despairing state which he had been in while lying there on the bed only minutes ago had vanished. As mist under sunbeams. They had dissapeared quickly as his eyes had seen Jenny. Been packed away. Taking in the red familiar hair his gaze relaxed and his shoulder came down a bit, realizing the intruder wasn’t anything near a threat.

“Amber?”

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a/n: I got a huge assignment which I have to work on the next three weeks - so the updates may not be that regular in this periode of time. Please don't kill me - heh. I would much rather write this but yeah. Someone once told me school mattered so *sigh*

Anyway thank you so incredibly much for the breathtaking comments and support! x I aim to have this story finished before New Years :) x